What happened to your marriage when you DA'd?

by toby888 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  toby888

  Can anyone tell me how your marriage has fared after you DA'd and your spouse was ( or is) still in?
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  Aude_Sapere

  This question does not apply to me, but I know you get plenty of responses. It's an important question.

  There are many posters here (obviously) who have personal experience. Two off the top of my head are: Ithinkisee and panicattack. You might want to start looking back at some of their threads.

  (You can find listings of each poster's thread in the 'Member Directory', accessed at the top of the page.)

  btw: Welcome to JWD! You will find much support, encouragement, comraderie here.

  -Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)
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  Gordy

  I due to my depression was told to leave the family home as I was, according to the elders, a spiritual danger to the family. I had not DA'd at that point. I was allowed home to see my children even those who were baptised JW's.

  Five years later in 2001 after having learnt the "truth" about the WT, with the help of this forum and others, I DA'd.

  My JW wife and two JW daughters have not had any personal contact with me since. Any communication has to be done through those family members who are not baptised JW's.
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  garybuss

  My wife and I both were children of second generation Witness parents with Witness relatives. My story is on the link below. The short version is I walked away in 1974 after I saw the year text. It was a process and I kicked the Kingdom Hall door on my way out. My wife stayed in and took my two oldest sons with her. I was a believing walkaway. She became completely inactive from 1984 till 1989. In 1989 one Sunday I decided to attend a meeting and she and my second oldest son came with me. I had forgotten how terrible the meetings were and I didn't continue attending but she and my son did.
  In 1992 I started to research the history of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Things at home didn't go well. We separated in 1993 for 7 months. She quit attending in 1995. Two of our sons are Witness group members. We are married 34 years.
  We did post exit counseling together along with one of our sons. We did a fair amount of relationship counseling. The marriage counseling is the only reason we are married today.
  Separately we both did our research on the Witness group and on religion and philosophy. We have both turned into pragmatists and we follow the path of rational objectivity.
  

  For conscientious cussedness on the grand scale, no other aggregation of Americans is a match for Jehovah’s Witnesses. Stanley High, The Saturday Evening Post, September 14, 1940 The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm
  
  
  
  
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  toby888

  I see myself moving closer to DA, maybe tonight, after the meeting. I have a very simple letter made up, no"apostate" stuff, I don't want to give them any clues about what I learned to make me leave. My wife mentioned one time she could handle the shunning, but she is genuinly worried about "life without Jehovah" and I guess I may have damaged her faith in a creator in some way when we talked about "the truth" the other night. Anyway she is trying to pull me back into the faith and I can't go there. I can't handle the meetings anymore either. Her other family members "in the truth" live here with us also as well as her very old mom in bad health who might take my DA very bad and maybe kick the bucket. So for me this is not a clear-cut issue at all, the shunning could have some very deliterious effects on my wife's mom's health, but I can't go on being someone I am not. My older son (18) living with us knows the situation and can smell hypocrisy. What a mess. No easy way out for me or for anyone, but when I woke up this morning I felt good for the first time in a long time, thinking about handing the letter in and ending my personal torment from this religion. I feel by cutting myself off formally I can actively take the battle into my own hands and be strong and face what I have to and be the real person I am inside with my son and wife.I am beginning to think my son can trust me more if he knows I am standing up on principle not being a "false witness".
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  lonelysheep

  (((Toby)))