I thought it would be appropriate to mention that at least in my congo, when you are dfed you are told that if you are seen talking with a dub, you not only jeopardize their standing, but you also jeopardize your chances of being reinstated.
I did shun many people when they got dfed,and I was shunned as well when I got dfed, but after I was reinstated I continued to shun, especially those who were trying to get reinstated.
I didn't want to hurt their chances.
Many people who shun especially family members may feel the same way.
What I have come to realize however, was this was just another way for them to control me. They tossed me out and then made it mandatory to not speak to others.
What the h**l? I still have to obey their rules after I am gone?
Actually for the first few years I obeyed. In fact one person did approach me a couple of times. The first time we were both DFed but this was the fellow that had asked me to marry him, he was a known alcoholic and someone I didn't want to hang out with. So I reminded him we weren't supposed to be taliking. Kinda unfair at the time.
The second time he approasched me my attitude had changed and I was willing to talk to him. And then he told me he had gone back and wanted to encourage me to go back. Again I had to remind him he could get into trouble for talking to me.
Yes, the first time I was DF'd at 20 I felt this way because I wanted to get reinstated - which I did about 6 months later.
The second (and last time) was a few years later when I finally made the decision that I no longer could live as a JW. That time I didn't want to get reinstated so didn't care if a JW talked to me I would talk to them.
Now - many years later, I would rather NOT talk to them because it's just too draining. It's like beating a dead horse - why bother. Unless ther is some glimmer of hope that I can help them break free, it's just not worth my time.
