Hi,
I have only posted on here at time or two, but "lurk" several times a day! I love reading everyone's posts, and it is so wonderful to feel that there is a group out there that understands me and my background.
I need advice. I have been out of the JW organization for 18 years, married, with two children. My dad's family were all witnesses, and he has only one brother living, who is an active JW. I was baptized, and pretty much moved to a nearby town and just left the religion. It has not been too big a deal, since my father was never baptized (althought he believed the "truth"), and most of his family, except this one uncle, lived out of state.
It did become a big deal, a huge horrendous deal, when my father died, and my uncle came crashing in with the JWs to do the funeral, etc. Of course, they traipsed through my parents' house, ate our food, and never once looked me in the eye, spoke to me, much less said they were sorry about my dad's death. Then some of the "brothers" tried to talk to my husband and prod him with Watchtowers at the gravesite (as he pretty much told them where they could shove their magazines!) At least my husband got to see the truth about the "truth."
Since then, which was 14 years ago, I have just avoided my uncle, and tried not to think about it. Recently, I felt that my kids should know some of that side of the family, and invited him and my cousins all over for dinner, and my uncle didn't come, told me and his kids that his conscience wouldn't allow it, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, long story short, so as not to bore everyone, the real, real problem is, my father left a piece of property to my brother and I that he owned jointly with my uncle. We have just tried to help my mom keep the taxes paid on it, and let my uncle "try to sell it," thinking that eventually, he would pass on and we would just deal with it at that point, just to avoid conflict. The problem is, the taxes have gotten astronomical. He is out on the property, having workers out there, working on it, doing who knows what, and I have gotten worried about liability, etc. I did get some insurance to protect my brother and I, just in case. I have seen a lawyer, and he is in the process of sending my uncle a letter to force a sale or auction. I didn't know what else to do. My brother lives in another state and really can't deal with the problem. My mom is in no emotional state to deal with it, because the JW stuff has to come up with it, and how she will not get to see my dad in paradise, yada, yada. So I just don't know what else to do. I mean, the man won't even come to my house for dinner. How can I deal with him on something like this, without an intermediary involved?
Sigh. I guess my concern is, what will I do when he gets the letter? I don't want him calling my mom and upsetting her. And my mom thinks that I should be willing to talk to him and work with him. And the last time I had to speak with him, a few weeks ago, I got so upset, just so upset, because he started talking about my dad, how close they were, how much money we were going to owe him because of work he had done on the property (which we have never been consulted about, he just piddles around out there - the man is on oxygen and is 75 years old), told me how his conscience wouldn't allow him to associate with me, etc. It was very, very upsetting to me, because my father and I were very close, and my dad would never have treated or spoke to anyone the way he talked to me. I can't tell my mom all this, because I just don't want to upset her.
Has anyone else had to deal with similar family, legal, financial problems? I am just dreading facing this whole thing. It is hard for other people to understand that haven't been saturated with this crap all their lives. I just can't deal with my uncle. I can't. It is too hurtful for me that my father's only living brother could be like this, just because of some religious rules. He is more concerned about his own "salvation" than his family. And then I feel guilty that I am doing this to my dad's brother, by getting an attorney, etc. Advice or comments would be great - I know I'm a wimp. Am I doing the right thing? Could I do something better? I don't want to hurt anyone. I really don't. I just can't deal with my uncle in this.
Joy