Do you ever feel guilty about reverse shunning?

Why Georgia

I've been feeling guilty lately.

I come from a very close family. We all love eachother in our own disfunctional way...LOL!

My husband comes from the Gold Medal Olympic Winner Disfunctional Family.

Because of his mother and his sisters continuous lack of respect for our feelings and their extreme inappropriate behavior we don't have anything to do with them or allow our kids to have any interaction with them.

Examples -

His mom came to visit one day and we offered her a drink (tea, coffee, soda) her response was " The watchtower study today was about staying away from alcohol"....

She repeatedly tries to give my oldest son the book of bible stories and give my husband the latest new spiritual food from the WT - even though we have repeatedly told her not to.

She tells lies about me to family, friends, anyone who will listen...she said I was a Witch and practiced witchcraft. The closest thing to this I have ever done is go to Salem Massachusetts to see all the tourist sites!

Most of hubby's sisters only call when they want something. Their children have stolen from us and this was never addressed and no amends were made.

His mother is constantly brining up sexual issues - incest, etc. Even though we have told her this is not appropriate to bring up around our children and really has nothing to do with them because they have never been victims of sexual abuse.

Anyway!!!

My oldest son who is 5 and a half recently said he'd like to see his Grammy. She never calls, she never asks about him and she has purposefully not treated him with the same kindness she shows her JW grandchildren. When he has been at her house with me and hubby, she will talk to him but mainly she wants to talk to me or hubby about the WTS or complain about her life and how horrible it is.

Part of me says...what can a one hour visit hurt as long as its with me or hubby there.

But the other part of me says...No way! She can't even be respectful of our feelings for 5 minutes and she can't even be nice to me - so I don't want my kids around her at all.

Also, she's only seen our youngest child 2 - 3 times since he was born 15 months ago...

And we live 10 minutes from her.

This comes up everytime we go to our bank which is in her town..

So if you got through this Thank you and please share your feelings.

Am I being mean?

Why Georgia

Gretchen956

I say life is too short to be around people that don't treat you with respect. Even a young child can learn about this. Ask your son how he feels when someone is mean on the playground. Tell him sometimes adults act that way too and when they don't want to change their behavior sometimes we have to stay away from them. Trust me, he'll understand that. It isn't easy, all kids want their grandparents to love them. But life isn't fair sometimes. I'm sorry he has to learn this lesson!

((((huggs))))

Sherry

Why Georgia

Gretchen - Sherry,

Thank you for a very simple yet effective way to explain this situation to our son. I will try your method.

We have told our son that Grammy is not nice to us which is why we don't go see her, but he doesn't really understand this. Maybe repetition will help.

Why Georgia

A little update.

My husband is going to force the issue of having our children be around his mother. He has said as long as we are here in Massachusetts that he thinks we should be able to visit her and be around her.

He says I need to be forgiving and let her little quirks go. He's basically putting it all onto my shoulders. Says that I need to realize this is just how she is.

I'm a more than a bit angry. Because in the past he has said that since she can't get along with me, and I am pretty reasonable...that we should all just stay away from eachother.

He did say that he won't bring the children over without me, but he does expect me to go along to her home and visit and be pleasant.

WG

greendawn

For as long as they shun the ex dubs they deserve to be shunned themselves as after all they are the real apostates eg they doggedly deny the lordship of christ as proposed by the apostles.

Shunning is meant to protect the business interests of this multinational super wealthy corporation and has nothing to do with protecting the spiritual interests of the dubs. If that was the case they would do the decent thing and face the dissenters in an open public debate rather than shun them.

shera

Hmmmm,I'm sorry that you're going threw that.In my opinion,I wouldn't go around anyone who was rude and uncaring towards me.What about your feelings?How are the children going to react seeing their grandmother behave this way towards you?I always look at how things are going to effect my children.

I wouldn't feel guilty about doing the reverse shunning at all,they want it to bother you,they want you to give in and do what they feel is best.Be happy and brush it all off as best as you can.I have been shunned by my oldest daughter's family,well the ones that are jw's,and I let them know it doesn't do anything negative to me at all.

blondie

If every time you saw someone they punched you in the face, how many shots would you give them?

When abuse is emotional or verbal, some how we think that the pain and damage is different; that because there aren't any bruises, that it doesn't count, it isn't serious, that possible permanent damage isn't being done.

You must protect your family. Your son will understand in time. Those who listen to her lies must have been the victim themselves at one time; so you wonder about their intelligence.

The only way to win, is not to play the game.

Love Blondie (happy, productive survivor of a dysfunctional family; it took me 7 years to wise up to the need to practice reverse shunning. Not that they give up trying, but it gets easier every year)

fullofdoubtnow

Oh WG, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Being shunned is something I am going to have to get used to myself now I've left, but I have no family in the org, so it will just be former brothers and sisters in the cong. When it happens, I think I will just ignore them, and I don't see why I should feel guilty about it, I have done nothing wrong.

Do you ever feel guilty about reverse shunning?

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