I need some advise regarding my son

by Seeking Knowledge 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • Seeking Knowledge
    Seeking Knowledge

    ...who spends time with his JW father, and in turn, his JW father takes him to meeting, etc. I cannot change this as it's court ordered (the nites he spends with his dad) but when he turns 6 (he's almost 5 now), our custody will change, and I will gain the time that he would otherwise be going with his dad. I do take him to church with me every Sunday so that he can understand there are options for him, but he still has the exposure to the JW beliefs. (I'm not JW, never was)

    Until then, of course, he's learning things, that I would LOVE to show him a way to think for himself. As it is he knows that his dad & I do not have the same beliefs. He knows that his dad doesn't "like Christmas" and "doesn't like Birthdays" but it's ok that we do. I suppose that is a step in the right direction because before he was telling me that "daddy says Christmas/Birthdays/everything else is bad". I came unglued, told his father that in no uncertain terms was he to tell our son that. He argued as only he could, and I actually held my own against his "way of thinking". The sad thing is, our son is only 4 and it's hard for me to "talk" to him. He's already showing signs of arguing when I tell him he needs to understand that his dad believes that, but it doesn't make it true. He's afraid of his dad in that he will say/do whatever he can to make his dad happy as his father rules with fear. We just had Halloween and while my son enjoyed every moment of it when it came time for his dad to pick him up, he told me he had to "hide the candy" because his "dad doesn't like halloween" I told him that was silly, it's just candy (for God's sake!!) and put the candy back where it was. He was ok with that from there.

    Last nite I was looking at a magazine that showed the earthquake damage in Pakistan, my son asked me what it was, I told him and he said "Oh Jehovah makes the earthquakes for paradise". He then went on to tell me that he could "play with the animals in paradise" or something along those lines. All I could say to him was "that is what Daddy believes" cuz I really didn't know what else to say.

    How do you reason religion with a 4-5 year old so that he doesn't grow up thinking that this is all he can know? I'm not sure what else I can tell this beautiful little boy so that he will understand! He goes to church with me, he's got bibles and books & just about anything else I can encourage him to look at without trying to shove it down his throat the way his dad is doing. I keep telling him that he will make his own choices in life and not to let anyone tell him what he can or can't do but HE'S 4.......arg!!! It's just so frustrating sometimes!

    Any thoughts??

  • kid-A
    kid-A

    Little kids have a built-in inquisitiveness that makes them highly resisilient to mind control. They do question everything, a quality that so many adults unfortunately have lost. I was raised by 2 hyper-righteous JW parents and I still managed to question it all and fade out before being baptized. I would just answer all his questions honestly and frankly. He will eventually see the logical flaws of the Watchtower society once he is a little older. The organization is losing their young in ever increasing numbers which is cause for great hope. Give him time, all will be well.....

  • Curious Christian
    Curious Christian

    I have never been in the JWs, but I found some info. that might be helpful to you. In an attempt to find an effective way to reach my friend, I invited a JW couple to come to my home and "study" with my husband and I. I noticed that their children's books cover the exact same things the adult ones do. It's just a repetition of the same things over and over. Your ex-husband is truly a victim, whether he knows it or not. There are some excellent books (Battling Cult Mind Control, Reasoning from the Scriptures, Jehovah's Witnesses Answered Verse By Verse, and many others available on this site or Ebay.) There is also another web-site that is very helpful called Witnesses For Jesus. That site actually has information on how to answer the Watchtower's study pamphlet titled:-What Does God Require of Us? This is the pamphlet they used to try to indoctrinate my husband and I. The questions we raised were very disturbing to them. We never attacked them or pointed a finger at them personally. The lady was a 40 yr. member and the man 20 yrs. They said they had NEVER been asked these questions before. It could be that your ex-husband has never been asked any of them either. If you attack his beliefs, you will drive him further in, so it is best to try to be peaceful and to nicely ask some of these questions. And your son will learn along the way that the JWs DO NOT have all the answers and that they are not in "truth". He has you! What a fortunate little boy! If you would like to contact me and find out some of the resources that I can share with you, e-mail me at [email protected].

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    I have a similar problem when my five year old spends the night over my mothers house. For some time she was taking him to meetings or book studies in the mornings, depending on what day it was. My son eventually came home talking about Jehovah. Fortunatly I have the ability to tell her not to take him or else. You obviously don't have this luxury. Kid-A has some good points. Keep any avenue available for your son to explore, allow him to experience things that JW's consider off limits and eventually he'll see the WBTS for what it is. Good luck.

    P.S.: Kid-A, new avitar? Are you and CT Russel in cahoots?

  • kid-A
    kid-A

    You know it, Darth!! (33rd degree!!)

  • Odrade
    Odrade

    Logic and reasoning work very well with children that age.
    Child: Daddy says that the bad people who do Christmas will get destroyed.
    Mom: Well, that doesn't sound like a very nice thing for God to do. I thought God was a nice guy?
    Child: Daddy says it, so it's true.
    Mom: Don't you think God is a nice guy who loves you?
    Child: Yes, and I love Jehovah.
    Mom: Do you really think Nice-guy Jehovah is going to kill people because they like the pretty Christmas tree? That's not very nice...

    It's hard when the kid is being indoctrinated, but you can beat it by being kind and using logic. Kids figure things out pretty good if they have both sides of the picture, and the parents can refrain from making the argument personal against the other parent.
    Best of luck to you.

  • Seeking Knowledge
    Seeking Knowledge

    Thanks for the reassurance & the thoughts. I do like to think I'm doing this the right way, trying really hard not to knock his dad (which isn't easy as he has made this difficult at best) and letting him know again & again that he doesn't have to think the same way his dad does. I figure that yes, he will see his dad for what he is and does (in this issue & others) and that won't be because I've told him so...I'll just gently nudge!

    He's a good kid and I want nothing more than for him to come out of this relatively sane! Here's hoping!

    whew....I feel a little better.....Thanks!

  • caligirl
    caligirl

    It sounds to me like you are doing fine. Your logic has a better chance of coming out on top than the way of life his Dad presents, and he is only with his Dad part time. Just keep exposing him to normal life like you are, and hang in there! I don't know of any young kid that would choose to forgo christmas and birthdays and all that goes with them for life as a witness. As long as you teach him to THINK and reason, it is unlikely that he will choose his father's way of life.

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit