My best friend started "studying" with the JWs about 8 years ago. She was off and on for awhile. She just informed me that she and her family will not celebrate Christmas any longer. And after giving me the assurance of how "ok" her 11 year old son is with it, I asked her if she was going to quit Birthdays too. She said she wasn't going to stop that one yet, because she didn't want to change too muich at once on him. (Doesn't sound like he's all that "ok" with it to me!) She is going to about 3 meetings a week, and she is wearing the dresses and her son is in the suits......, but she has not become Baptised yet. I have read all the books and have been VERY careful not to ever put the society down. I ask the right questions when the opportunity presents itself. Just wondered if anyone could advise me on what I can say or do? She used to love Christmas. She is very artistic and her tree was an expression of that. And she loved the gifts. ( When we were kids and in a tiff, she would make up with me always before her birthday or Christmas, because she wanted the surprise! ) She is an avid horse enthusiast as well. Sounds like she won't have time for that, if she keeps going as she is. What could be going on right now, that would be helpful for me to know? And what will happen after she becomes Baptised? What do you wish someone would have said or done when you were at that point? I am so thankful for all of you. You have been there and know how to help and what it is like. I am so concerned for my friend and her child. She has been calling me a lot more lately, but we rarely talk about religion. I wait for her to bring it up, lest I should offend her. Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated!
Not Quite Baptised JW, but getting there...
by Curious Christian 6 Replies latest jw friends
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AlmostAtheist
I hate to bring this up yet again, but I have a document describing how flawed the Watchtower's view of birthdays really is. Some of the logic applies to holidays, too, but the point is to show that they don't pull all their doctrines directly from the Bible, as they claim. Hope it helps.
Dave
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IP_SEC
This is a great piece of work Dave, thanks
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Check_Your_Premises
Where is the boy's dad in all this? How about the rest of her family?
There is a couple of books that can help you if you are TRULY interested in helping her. It will take a lot of time, and ultimately all you can do is help her to have a different perspective. She will only leave if she wants to. Combatting Cult Mind Control and Releasing the Bonds, both by Steven Hassan.
You might want to try to guage her committment at this point. Ask her on a scale from 1 to 10, how convinced is she that the jw are the right relgion. Next ask her if there are any things she has doubts about. Finally ask her if there is anything that she could think of that would convince her that the jw are not the right religion.
Don't argue or anything. Just ask those simple questions and note her responses. Once you get those above mentioned books you will have a better understanding of how to talk to her. Then get her family involved if you can. The second book mentioned talks about how to do go about doing that. Don't call them up and say, "So and so is in a cult!!!"
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Cygnus
If your friend becomes baptized, you will lose her as a friend, I'm sorry to say.
*** w96 3/15 p. 16 Meeting the Challenge of Loyalty ***
Loyalty to Jehovah will keep us from selfishly compromising righteous principles. Indeed, loyalty will keep us from being one thing on the inside and another on the outside. . .
If we are loyal to Jehovah God, we will avoid making friends with all who are his enemies. . . We do not want to fraternize with any willful sinners, for we have nothing in common with them. Would not loyalty to God keep us from socializing with any such enemies of Jehovah, whether in person or through the medium of television?*** w61 7/1 p. 394 Right Associations Lead to Life ***
Be content with your small circle of friends whose association is a good influence (read: other Jehovah's Witnesses only). This does not mean you should not be friendly with people who do not love righteousness, but it means you would be wise to avoid their association as close companions or friends.
What a difference from the following. Hypocrites!
*** w68 10/1 p. 592 Maintaining Balance in Human Relationships ***
It is common for worldly persons to consider themselves superior or more important than others. Many times their attitude is to use others, to cheat or tread on them before others can do the same to them. But how different is the balanced Christian view!
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AK - Jeff
Curious -
I am nearly fiished reading Diane Wilson's book - Awakening of a Jehovah's Witness. She paints a vivid picture of how she was seduced to follow the organization, and how much it took to get out 23 years later. Written by a woman who had a young child at the time she was 'brought into the organization. She might be able to see the similarities in her own life.
It is not a caustic attack - but an eye opener.
I know it is a fragile time for her - but if she gets dipped you will likely loose all influence you have at this point, and prob her friendship too. I have read most of the former witness books, and this one seems a fit for this situation.
CYP's rec of Hassan's book is good too -esp. since it has no mention of Jw's in it that I know of, but it should start to ring a bell if she reads it.
Well wishes on this.
Jeff
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steve2
Curious Christian,
A vital life consists of a healthy dose of acceptance as we face the prospect of change in our own and others' lives. I think you should back right off the issue - unless she is seeking your help.
The JW religion sounds pretty important to her at the moment and my guess would be that, if you start 'witnessing' to her about your beliefs and/or concerns, you'll simply drive her further into the Watchtower quagmire.
Remember, the witnesses tell newbies to expect their old friends and acquaintances to oppose them. Look after yourself - read up on the religion: There's more than enough literature available, some of it of superb quality.
Accept the change she is bringinig into her life. Keep hopeful that, if she has a typical JW experience, she may well become disaffected sooner rather than later. Be there for her when that time arrives.
People who are enthused about their new life choices don't need you to dampen their enthusiasm. But by all means be there when the warmth of her enthusisam begins to turn cold.
Accept.