Help...............

lola28

Okay here is the deal, my aunt called last night and asked us over for Thanksgiving dinner, my mom agreed to go and everything was fine until my aunt mentioned that my other aunt whom I will call Evil Witch would also be there. My mom had already said yes and she would like to be there to see my aunt but I don't want to go if Evil Witch is going to be there.

A few years ago we went over for Thanksgiving dinner ( my mom did not go b/c she and Evil Witch do not get along, but I wanted to go to see my cousin) it was awful, Evil Witch said horrible things about my mom, if that wasn't bad enough she said all of these things in front of my sisters who were only nine.

Needless to say I was angry, I was so mad that I got my sisters and told them it was time to go home, we didn't even have dinner. A few days later I called her and told her that what she had done was wrong and that she should know better than to say certain things in front of my sisters, she proceded to scream at me, and I told her to go to hell and to stay away from us ( can you feel the love?)

I haven't see or heard form her since then, I don't like her and honestly would rather never see her again however earlier this week we found out she has lung cancer. So here is my problem should I just forgive her, suck it up and go or should I "get sick" at the last minute and not go?

What would you do?

kls

I would go just because you all ready said you would but if she starts with her mouth , let everyone know you will be leaving and not tolerate her.

I swear , there has to one or two of these idiots in a family.

Crumpet

I am currently in a very similar dilemma except the person who has cancer and is quite likely to succumb to it having had all treatment fail is not a loved one to me. In your case swallow any pride and grievances, wipe the slate and do whatever you can.

coolhandluke

Query. Why do people feel the need to change themselves after someone falls ill? To me that is like going to the funeral of a horrible person and saying nice things. Does her cancer change what she did? Does it change her character? If it does, kew! Go with it. As far as putting yourself out there to be hurt by someone who demonstrates a disregard for yours and your immediate family's feelings, um she can go f herself. Don't miss out on being with good people because of this Nimrod. Just be you. Protect yourself as it seems you do and don't let her dictate your moves.

whyamihere

I completely understand. All of my Aunt's on my mother side are Evil Bitches from the dark pits of Hell!

Anyway, I would go because you are going for your Aunt(good one) and Mother. Besides it could be very entertaining. Plus, if you don't go you will sit there and ponder on what's going on? What are they saying about me? Did evil bitch get fat? etc.... You will always wonder. Just look pretty and put a smile on your face. Think of little clever things to say if she puts you in a tight spot. I know she has lung cancer and you feel bad. However, just because you are sick doesn't mean you are nice. You can be nice to her but don't give in and let her walk over you.

Brooke

daystar

I would go just because you all ready said you would but if she starts with her mouth , let everyone know you will be leaving and not tolerate her.

Sound advice from kls, but I would modify it slightly. You might consider forewarning the aunt that if she starts up, what the results will be. Discuss this with other family members. If only a minority, then all agree to leave if this happens. If a majority, if possible, then ask her to leave.

Crumpet

coolhandluke

its not a case of changing oneself. its more that we may well regret holding a grudge against someone that we did not intend to for the rest of their lives. we may have meant our displeasure to be felt over a year or shorter - but if they are about to leave the planet forever - we may have to hurry our pride, conscisnces and personal feelings along if we are ever to express them any relevancy.

Curious Christian

The only thing more pathetic than a miserable person who has nothing good to say, is the person who gives them the power to steal their peace and joy. Especially if you allow them to interfere with being with the people you love. Arguing will not help. Show some class and don't let her pull you into her misery. You will be a great inspiration to your sisters, if you handle the situation with dignity. I have made such a fool of myself by getting hot under the collar and flying off the handle. Those days are gone. I choose to be kind, inspite of what anyone else does. My Mom used to tell me to "kill 'em with kindness", and you know, it really works! Just try to bite your tongue and refuse to come down to her level. Try to think of things that might happen and how you can react in a positive manner. Your Aunt seems like a person who is very bitter. Misery loves company. Be happy inspite of her, it will drive her CRAZY!

coolhandluke

its not a case of changing oneself. its more that we may well regret holding a grudge against someone that we did not intend to for the rest of their lives. we may have meant our displeasure to be felt over a year or shorter - but if they are about to leave the planet forever - we may have to hurry our pride, conscisnces and personal feelings along if we are ever to express them any relevancy.

Agreed. The deal though is that if people are going to be f*cks there is nothing that can be done about that. If you extend kindess and it is met with unnecessary tom foolery then you have no alternative but to just keep living. Grudges are like drinking poision and expecting the other person to die. After the cool of period when the prevailing thoughts of the day don't center on a disagreement, bury it, squash it. Life is toooo short to hurt from unnecessary pain. The responsibility falls to you personally to stop drinking your own poison.

CHL

Help...............

Share this