Newbie - missing friends - need advice!

by JW83 9 Replies latest jw friends

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  JW83

  I've been out for a year and miss a couple of my friends a lot. Someone told me a saying yesterday, though, that some friends are for a reason, some are for a season and some are for a lifetime. I'm usually not into corny sayings but that one made me think. JWs are friends for a reason, because they have to be, and that isn't really the basis of a lifelong friendship (especially if you leave!) I was wondering if anyone had any other advice for me! Also regarding being a complete novice with everything at 24!!

  Ta, Jayne
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  Shaneliza

  Hi Jayne welcome to our board,
  When I left at the age of 18, I too missed the friends I had made, and it wasn't easy losing my family either. I felt like I had been dropped off in a new country where I didn't know anyone or speak the language. As I looked around I found that the 'worldly' people were no different than I. I made friends at work, and found out who I really was in the process. You will miss your friends who are still in the 'truth'. But you will also discover a freedom you never thought possible. Hang in there, some days will be tougher than others, but all the good people who post on this board have been through this one way or another, and we are here for you.
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  ballistic

  When I was disfel. I was going through a divorce as well. I went from being at the centre of a huge social group and in a relationship, to being completely cut off over night.
  I started to show signs of depression.
  I read somewhere that people start to show signs of mental trauma within 30 mins of being put into solitary confinement, and that's how I felt.
  In fact, I wanted to go back and re-join. I wonder how many people do re-join for the wrong reasons.
  I would say I was on rocky ground for a couple of years until I started to chill. I met a load of good friends at university, and I can truthfully say there is more love and trust in this large group than I ever saw in the witnesses.
  Although people I knew in the org occasionally cross my mind, it is now in the cold light of day, I remember what they were really like; the pompous ones, the one that threatened to punch me, my abusive step - father ministerial servant, many, many two faced or double lived people.
  8 years have passed and although I dont know all the answers, I know one thing: those were only friends for a reason, not for life.
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  Gopher

  Hi Jayne,

  Welcome to the wild, wacky, wonderful world of JW.com! Looks like you're already making friends here from all around the world (Canada, UK, USA, I'm sure more will come). This is a great place to come and air your feelings, and ask questions like you did.

  I too was cruelly DF'd early last year, and there are a few, not many, friends that I dearly miss. (I spent the first 39 years of my life in the Borg, I knew no other way until I got the "boot".)

  What I'm finding is it's not the quantity, but the quality of friends made (here and more so in "real life") that matters. The friends I'm making now like/love me unconditionally. I'm not viewed through the filter of what privileges I may have, or how "active" I am in some form of Christian service. No, these new friends will be there for me because of who I am, and the kind of friendship that I offer them! It takes effort to start up and maintain these types of relationships, but believe me it has been worth it!

  I hope to hear more from you. You may also make more friends or acquaintances in our chat room.

  GopherWhy shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
  Mark Twain (1835-1910)
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  Simon

  Hi Jayne

  It is hard when you relise that there are lots of things you don't know how to do... it's only when you leave that you realise how socially inept you are and how you don't really know what to do what you are at a kids birthday party etc...

  Oh well, I'm learning and getting better. The friends I have now are the best ones I've ever had because I know they are genuine (hey, they put up with me...)

  Hope you find some support here
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  Escargot

  Ray Franz second book, In Search of Christian Freedom, gave great encouragement about the loneliness we my feel from time to time. Also, as one Brother put it: “I was going through JW withdrawals” from time to time. I still do.

  Yes, they were just “institutional friends” However, I know from experience that some just do it out of fear of getting Df themselves. Some, have even contacted me from time to time, “under the cover of darkness,” to see how I am doing.

  Hang in there, and don’t give up. Want to be more determined than ever? Then go back to the Hall for a visit! I did, and it really turned my stomach to re-hear the twisting and legalism of the Public Talk and the WT study. It really gave me a “lift” to help keep in mind where I came from!

  Erasmus (1520 AD): "If we want truth, every person ought to be free to speak what they think without fear."
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  trevor

  JW83

  It takes time to make real friends. Real friends are people who stick by you no matter what. They will be there for you whatever you decide to belive. If you become a Trappist Monk they will still want to see you.

  In time you will find that those you have left behind were only offering conditional friendship on their terms. You are now freed from a lifetime of worry trying to toe-the-party-line.
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  ladonna

  Jayne,

  Welcome to the board!

  Many of us have walked the road you are now walking. It is not an easy road and it often feels to me like it is never ending and I find that pleasant.
  Always learning, experiencing new things. I was 16 when I left and extremely socially inept. But I soon learnt very slowly to not feel like the "odd one out".

  Like Simon has said about his friends, I can also say the same. I love them and they love me; flaws and all.
  That's going to be a wonderful thing for you to experience Jayne, unconditional love. You will treasure friendships that you will make forever.

  Drop into chat sometime and chat with us all.

  Kind thoughts,
  Ana
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  Stacey

  I also left when I was 17. Growing up as a JW made me into a very shy, withdrawn, socially crippled person. It has taken me many years to feel like a person like everyone else. I still dont think of myself as "normal". But who wants to be normal anyways.

  It is true, real friends will not leave you or turn their back on you when things are not perfect. Those are the best kind to have....

  Stacey
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  philo

  Gopher, excellent quotation, dude!

  :Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
  Mark Twain (1835-1910)

  philo