How do I support JW other half?

by kiddotan 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  kiddotan

  Just lately my soon to be mother in-law is giving my other half an incredibly hard time. She is crying all the time about us, trying to get his siblings to spy on us. Ringing when she knows both of us when we are home together. He works away alot. Going BACK to meetings (hasn't gone regularly in years, so bloody hypocritical uugghh). This has only started happening in the last couple of weeks.

  Would it be a good idea for me to go to study with her? (I will never believe, have strong convictions of my own). She is so cruel to him and his siblings. His dad is supportive in a quiet way, stands up to her.

  We have never had it this bad before.
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  rebel8

  IMO it is high time to set limits. You doing a study to solace her is the opposite of setting limits.

  It is against social etiquette for adults to spy on other adults or to push religion at all. IOW it's rude. They need to be reminded of that.

  You are adults and your MIL has no business spying and interfering. The people spying should be taken to ask as well. My advice is to get your fiancee to sit down with his family and clearly state this is inappropriate--his choice of religion (right down to which meeting to attend or not) is HIS choice not theirs and is none of their business. He should say he is aware of the spying and it needs to stop right away.

  In case they refuse to stop, he should be prepared to tell them he will happily resume relations with them at such time as they decide to observe appropriate boundaries.
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  jgnat

  What rebel8 said. The MIL's inappropriate behaviour has to be stopped, and you can't be the one to do it. Have a sit-down with your partner and ask him what gives? Have a list of the bad behavior with you. Ask him if he is OK with all that. If he isn't, is it about time he told his mother so?

  He'll probably tell you he's tried, there's a lot of history, she's emotionally fragile, etc. etc. Get him back to admitting whether this is appropriate treatment of him and if he should be accepting this kind of behavior from anybody.

  The only way to deal with emotionally abusive people is to be firm about what you will not tolerate any more. Be ready to back up with action (cut her off, won't return phone calls, etc.). Make it clear that if she wants to maintain contact with her son, she must behave within the boundaries you have established. You can't do this because she knows how to twist her son's buttons. If you do it for him, she will just work around you and he won't learn the important lesson of standing up for himself.

  Going to a study yourself with the MIL is a bad idea at this point. If she sniffs anything "pagan" on you she'll redouble her efforts to "rescue" her son away from you.
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  kiddotan

  Thank you Rebel and Jgnat,

  I now WON'T be going to study with her, I WILL openly invite his siblings in for a coffee, when they have walked past my stables or house for the 3rd time. MIL is mostly sending the youngest, who is the best kid.

  I talked to my other half this morning, when he gets home in two weeks he's gonna have word to his Dad. He knows how nasty his mother can get. I have a list ready. I have the ability to right people off, I do want to be careful not to do this completely for my other half's benefit. I WILL NOT be answering her phone calls. Nor will she be invited in without my other half being in the house. (thank you, guess i needed a little help to have a bit of strength to do this).

  My other half has been pretty good at laying down laws, but the harrassment is only when he is away. Maybe not really harrassment, but certainly feels so. I will be reminding my other half of the legalities of stalking i think. Again thank you
• 

  biddie

  I would suggest not going to any meetings with her... all that will do is strengthen her resolve to keep going. The best thing you can do is let her go and start praying that she sees the falsehood in the organization.
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  misspeaches

  Kiddotan I wish you all the best. It sounds like you are a very reasonable person. By inviting his siblings in the manner you suggested is so reasonable and indicates you know exactly what is going on and it won't be tolerated. Your husband sounds like he is reasonable too.

  I really do wish you all the very best.
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  biddie

  As I said before, if you "go" you will be telling her/them that you are interested in their organization, and that is detrimental to what you want.

  Or so it seems. If you have any knowledge of the truth behind the witnesses you don't want them to go... I was brainwashed as a kid in the "Kingdom Hall" and can tell you it messed me up good.... biddie