When elders realize they lost their power over you

by unbeliever 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  unbeliever

  After reading jgnat's post I got to thinking about something that happened to me. I was never baptized so the elders were limited on what they could do to me. Still they were able to make my life miserable through my mother so sometimes I towed the line. I picked my battles. When I was about 17/18 I had long since quit going to meetings and my mom and I were having some major problems in our relationship (nothing new). I was close to graduation and mom new I was on the verge of moving out. I guess mom wanted to some how repair our relationship before I moved out and she thought the elders could fix our problems.

  An elder called me up on the phone and asked if I had a minute to talk to him. I told him yes and he said that my mom was very distressed and that he would like to sit down and talk. He went on to say that I was causing mom a lot of trouble. I was like what the hell. I told him that mom should not be discussing our personal business and that it was not his concern. I then got the old I can see you still have the same rebellious attitude. I did the damn straight and started laughing. I could not stop laughing for anything.

  The elder on some level knew I did not give a shit what he thought but until I laughed at this elder on the phone I don't think he really believed it. There was nothing he could say to me. He knew that the days of me towing the line were over. They did not leave me alone completely after that but at least from this one elder he never dared try to get in my business again. Why bother. He knew I did not give a shit about what he had to say and he had no power over me. So why bother? He is the type to only want to bully people he know he can get away with it with. Anyone else have similar experiences?
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  Goldminer

  We all know how the elders like to use privileges to control you and your spiritual advancement.Well,when they decided to take away the privileges of all the brothers who were getting less than 10 hours per month,this caused a lot of problems.Those of us who questioned the unscriptural actions of the PO were reminded of the disciplinary actions that could befall us if we pushed the issue too far.

  Fifteen months later,I quit going out in service.I had no privileges and did not want any because I didn't want to do something with the threat of it being taken away if I didn't measure up to their standards.So basically,there was nothing they could take away from me now.I could go the meetings when I wanted to,never comment,never prepared,doze off,leave early,work overtime,grow a goatee and there wasn't much any elder could say,I had nothing they could hold over my head to control me.I used to say to others in the hall that I was now equal to the elders,that I was untouchable because that's how I felt about elders;that they could get away with anything (or almost anything) with practically no discipline.

  Meanwhile I'd watch younger guys trying to make "advancement" by getting 10 hours and making lame comments at the WT study and it just showed me what a sham it was,no real sincerity in it.I've even put my list of questions on paper and handed it to an elder (31 questions) and they're still not giving me a hard time.I think they've basically written me off,which is just fine with me.

  Goldminer
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  DannyHaszard

  Control freaks with a mean streak.

  I was disfellowshipped on a charge of "CAPITAL OFFENSE the 'capital offense' was accusing an elder from the Rockland Massachusetts Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses with misfeasance.

  Actually,misfeasance was mild compared to the outright baldfaced lying from his mealy mouth.He had pissed off a lot of people,and they cold calculated that they could keep control by Dfing me to intimidate the others.You know the drill i would do the year of shunning and come back.Well i went on a crusade to expose the entire world wide organization instead of wimping back in.Big big backfire.
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  stillajwexelder

  Laughing sounds a great way to deal with situations like these
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  Enigma One

  So you accused the elder of impropriety? What specifically were you accusing him of? (If I may ask.)
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  hillbilly

  Haha..it's a lot like the other day when my boss found out he didnt "own"me. He had the brass to tell me that I couldnt quit my job. Long story short, after I laughed out loud at him, put him in a corner so he had to discharge me etc etc he blinked. I got what I wanted. OF course I am sure he will try to extract a "payback'..but I DONT CARE>

  MY relationship with elders has taught me much about life in general. I do what I need and want to do as I, and onlyI, am responsible for my actions. Elders are only equiped to "pray" (read: think poorly off and judge you worthy of shunning) if you buck the power they have.

  Just two laws man..........just 2............

  ~Hill
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  Dune

  Instead of taking counsel and orders when i know they are wrong. I 've begun to really tell them how i feel and what i'm thinking, but of course redeeming myself by saying "I'll do it..but i just want you to know that" Baby steps ;-).