My best friend of almost 30 years started studying with a JW aquaintance of her's about 8 yrs ago. She didn't tell me about for 5-6 years. She said she was kind of in and out of studying. At that time I didn't know anything about it. I thought they were just another denomination of Christianity, that did things a little different, like knocking on doors, not saluting the flag, etc... Never seen anything wrong with it, until her behavior started getting argumentitive toward her Christian brother-in-law. Then she went off the deep end about an e-mail I sent that she said petained to the trinity. THEN I found out about the blood transfusion issue and NOW it is really concerning me for her and her 11 yr. old son. She recently told me she will no longer be celebrating Christmas. She is not baptised yet, but is dressing the part, and making her son wear the suits too. None of her family is in the WT. I would like to know what former JWs think the chances of her staying in that organization will be, since she doesn't have any family in it? She is in her late 30's. Is she still in the honey-moon stage, since she is not baptised yet? She has been fairly independant and rather selfish. I am surprised at how much they have been able to get her to change. She goes to 3 meetings and an at-home study. Not many Sundays yet, although she seems to feel guilty about that. I have read countless books and bring up questions at every opportune time, but for the most part, I am just trying to make sure we stay friends. Did any of you join the WT as an adult and what do you think would have made you decide to leave sooner? What stage of the "game" could you have left, without the fear taking over?
Did you join the WT as an adult & at what stage could you have left?
by Curious Christian 3 Replies latest jw friends
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blondie
You know it is not when you get in or even what gets you in, it's what keeps you in. The longer you stay, the harder it is to get out. Most people seem to have a longer period of events that shake their confidence and then the straw that breaks the camels back. It doesn't have have to be be overwhelming, just the last bit of pressure on an already weakened point.
The process is not much different than dealing with abuse or abusers in your life, alcoholism, your own or a close friend/family member. When the pain of staying is more than the pain of leaving, when your physical life passes before your eyes, then you act.
When people come into the WTS as adults, they are taught to cut themselves off from family, friends, neighbors, co-workers. So if it has only been 2 years, then it is easier to go back. If it has been 15 years, it is harder to go back and retrieve your life. Whereas, those raised in a JW family, may have just gone along for the sake of peace, not buying into the religion chosen for them by their parents. Leaving then as they become an adult is not as big an adjustment.
Either way, the challenge is making a life outside the WT organization, learning or re-learning interacting with people on a more honest level. But then dishonest people are not exclusive to the WTS.
In the end, we leave we are ready, when we can no longer live with the pain of staying; and that is more an individual thing than a function of when you became a JW.
Blondie
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jwfacts
It is easier not to get involved then to leave later on. Once a JW she will loose contact with 'worldly' friends, and contact with mental reality. I would really encourage her to research other peoples opinions of the WTS before getting baptised, it is far easier than leaving after baptism.
Is she already at the stage of being scared to look at things not written in the Watchtower? If not, try to get her to look at research on JW topics such as on this site. -
katiekitten
I was brought up in it and left when I was about 30. I suppose I could have left sooner, but I honestly believed it, and even when I left I still believed it, I just didnt think I could do it anymore. Eventually, however, its not too hard to admit its wrong, because you didnt choose it in the first place, your parents chose it for you. Nearly everyone I know who was born into it has left.
I think if you join as an adult its harder to leave, because you think you have studied it, and made a conscious decision that its the right life move. Even if you have doubts you will be motivated to squash them, because that would be tantamount to admitting you were wrong. And the longer you are in the less likely you are going to admit you have wasted your life on something that wasnt even true. Hardly anyone I know who chose it as an adult has left (from my childhood cong). Even my mum who has left, wont admit its wrong, she just doesnt go to meetings anymore. How could she admit that she made a terrible decision that affected her entire life and family in a negative way?