I have been away for just over a week, visiting my cousins in the South West, and got back yesterday. I was so good to be back on the board, I had a lovely break, but missed you all. The main reason I went was to get away from Derby for a while, as the cong elders have been pressuring me regarding my decision to da, trying to get me to withdraw my letter and return to the fold. However, I stood firm, and my announcement was made on Tuesday this week, so I am well and truly out of the watchtower now. I wasn't there for the announcement of course, but one of my former friends called me to express her disappointment at what I had done. I have a feeling that that was the last conversation we will have for some time, if not forever.
So I'm out in the world again now, and I have to say it seems a little strange, maybe even a little scary at times. For the first time in many years, I am facing a future in which I decide what to do, not have it mapped out for me by other people. I no longer really know what I will be doing in 5 years, 1 year or even tomorrow, but I am looking forward to the challenge. I am sort of planning to celebrate Christmas, but am not really sure how, having had no recent experience (all suggestions welcome). I am going Christmas shopping this weekend, dedpoet reckons that it might be therapeutic for me, and I think he may be right. I really want to buy him a special gift, he's been so good to me, and has already given me the greatest gift anyone could have given me - I have my life back now, and it's largely thanks to him that I do.
Although I have broken free of the shackles of the org, I realise it will take a long time to get over the effect it has had on my life. I know deep down that I have done the right thing leaving, that it's all lies, that it's a man made organisation based on mainly unscriptural rules, but almost all of my friends, or former friends now, are jws, though I have made a couple of new ones, and I've always had dedpoet as a friend, and I am finding it a little difficult to leave them all behind after all these years. I did have many good times in the org, in fact it was mostly good, it's really only been the last few months that it's all been bad, and I must admit I do think about the good times a lot, no matter how much dp and one or two others tell me that there are even better times ahead now that I am free. I sense that they are right, but it's impossible to escape one's memories, and I have so many good ones of the org. Unlike dp, I still have a belief in God, but I don't think I will be joining another religion, the last one was, I think, more than enough for now. I kind of envy dp in a way for the way he has rebuilt his life away from the jws. He still has a certain amount of bitterness towards them, but he is well on the way to being free of the effect they had on him, and I want to get to where he is, because whatever good memories I have, I am absolutely sure that I don't want to go back, can you imagine how they would treat me if I did? I have witnessed first hand how people wanting to return have been treated by the cong, and I don't want that in my future.
Whatever the future holds for me, I am going to try to take life as it comes now, not make too many specific plans and really just to enjoy it the best way I can. One thing I do plan on doing is to continue posting here, being on this board has helped me so much, and I am very grateful for it's existence. Thankyou to you all for helping my journey to freedom and easier one.
All my love
Linda xxx