Disfellowshipping

by TweetieBird 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  TweetieBird

  The whole idea of disfellowshipping someone from the congregation has always been a source of contention with me. Maybe it's because they disfellowshipped my husband a month before we got married for something totally lame (I would go into it but then it would give my identity away). Just trust me when I tell you that it was only done out of jealousy. Almost every one of his brothers and sisters have been disfellowshipped at least once, and all had gone forward with their wrongdoing. So much for repentance. But that's another story.

  I have known several (non-family) that have been disfellowshipped that have gone forward with their wrongdoing and the elders decided they were not repentant, so they had to be df'd. In that case, this is what happens.

  The df'd one believes that it is Jehovah's organization so they go along with it to show their loyalty to Jehovah and "accept discipline." So, for the next year or so, they are cut off from their witness friends and family, meaning no association. If they were to associate with non-witnesses they would then be considered un-repentant and would never be reinstated. So basically, they cannot associate with anyone, thereby isolating themselves from everyone. Something is genuinely wrong with this.

  Now, the flip side of this is: someone commits a sin and is not repentant. More than likely, they are not going to continue to seek out those in the congregation for association, thus disfellowshipping themselves. But even should they want to continue, shouldn't it be up to the individual publishers to make that decision of associating with that one or not? If some guy is out running around on his wife, stealing, or whatever, I probably wouldn't care to hang out with him. Give me credit for having a brain and choosing to associate or not associate with those who perhaps are bad association.

  Thanks for letting me vent.

  "By doubting we come at truth" -Cicero
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  think41self

  Hi Tweetie,

  Ahhh, you've hit on the crux of the matter here: "Give me credit for having a brain and choosing to associate or not associate with those who perhaps are bad association."

  The borg does NOT allow you to think for yourself. ONLY spirit appointed MEN have the capability to decide FOR you who is to be considered good or bad association. The rank and file JW's accept this. I used to accept it (GAG...) Now it is ludicrous to me that someone else should make those kinds of decisions for me that affect MY life. I hope one day they all "see the light" and get out of that dysfunctional religion.

  think41self

  "It is much more sensible to be an optimist instead of a pessimist, for if one is doomed to disappointment, why experience it in advance?"
  Amelia Peabody Emerson
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  HoChiMin

  Tweetie;

  Isn't that the same contention that many have about disfellowshipping? Yes having a brain to determine if you chose to associate with someone or not is not up to the dub population. It must be mandated to love someone one minute and shun them the next by the WT doctrine. As shown on another thread ( http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=10269&site=3 ) the process is barbaric and telling people is a good way to help them from being indoctrinated into the WT.

  HCM
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  taughtbyJehovah

  Friends,

  I have been near and far on the net, speaking to many
  witnesses, hoping that there is a shread of freedom that might as
  yet remain within the congregations. Alas, there is none I can as
  yet mention. Who made it law that EVERY association outside the
  members of the congregation is "bad"? Is'nt that a form of some
  sort of judgement, and pretty much in absentia? How can a true
  christian honestly practice loving his fellow man, if the only
  criteria for acceptance is baptism? I have been shunned merely
  for answering truthfully that I am as yet unbaptized. What was it,
  those words Christ Jesus spoke, At Matt. 12:34-37. Further, there
  is devestating scriptural evidence that those hated and reviled
  by society at large, were the very ones Jehovah often used to make
  his holy point. See Rahabs act of faith, which was the thing heard
  in connection with Jehovah.Joshua 2:8-14,21.James2:24-24
  Nothing like a slut to demonstrate what Jehovah's idea of love,mercy and compassion is.
  I was also wondering, who were the people that comprised
  the "vast mixed company" who left Egypt with the Israelites? Could
  it have been pagans from all the earth who for all reasons surely
  were in Egypt at the time of this event?In The case of Disfellowship
  amongst the friends, many , many innocent people have been decimated
  by what has befallen their family members.Matt.11:25,26,29,30. What
  is a sister to do, but carry on in shame and utter humiliation over
  a brothers error which when confessed, is illuminated like neon on
  a cinema marquee?Matt.7:1-4. Finally, if the understanding is not as
  clear as the brightness of a daystar, rising in your hearts, well I
  have a last verse or two to site on Jehovah's behalf:1COR.13:1-3. If
  you really think Jehovah is'nt searching the hearts to find who it
  is that is complete towards our Grand Instructor, well I plan to be
  around so as to promulgate what Jehovah inspires me to write, friends.Hebrews 4:12-13. We all better get on the proper outlook of
  issues just as Jehovah demands, because many adjustments need to be
  made. Hebrews 5:11-14.1 Peter 4:7,8,17-19.1 John4:17-19. And as I
  venture forth into this day, I gently site, just one more word from
  Jehovah's sacred scroll, James2:13 and James2:24-26 I welcome all
  men and women, of all sorts and without reservation of purpose, to
  please reply in all earnestness, with the intent being to gain the
  viewpoint of Jehovah through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. His
  day is near, friends. Peace to all and may Jehovah bless all who do
  love His Great and Holy Name.
• 

  joelbear

  About a month after I was disfellowshipped for telling the elders that I had decided to live as a homosexual man, I returned to Key West. Actually that was 13 years ago this weekend on my 30th birthday.

  I had went down to Key West in May of that year and met a guy who I had fallen for. As I say a lot on here, I get attached to people fast and I thought I was in love with Billy, the steel grey eyed blonde furry cub.

  Well, the trip was a disaster. Billy wanted to have nothing to do with me although he was nice about it. I found myself wandering around Key West hopelessly lost and confused. I had given up my family and friends, for what? I wandered the streets and sat in the bars, both straight and gay, looking for kind faces without any success. Of course, most of you don't know this, but gay bars are not exactly the friendliest places in the world, especially when you are overweight, hairy and have the look of sheer desperation in your eyes. I was ALONE, alone in the world and that thought sunk into my bones like bitter brutal cold.

  About a month later, I was back in Jacksonville and decided to go to the Sunday meeting. I went in and was guided to a seat by one of the brothers on my judicial committee, a brother named Bruce Hatcher, who is one of about 5 people in my life that I have complete respect for. What a kind loving man he was to me and I am sure he still is.
  But, watching my friends avoid eye contact with me and the general coldness tore into the depths of my soul. I remember Brother Bill Sistrunk walking by me and purposefully turning his head away so as not to look at me. One of those small moments in time that I have written about that cause our paths forever to be changed. I left after the talk, and I never went back and over the years whenever I have thought of going back for one reason or another, I get that mental image in my head.

  One grip on the shoulder, one smile, one wink of an eye, one nod that here I was back for the first time after my disfellowshipping, clearly in pain, clearly wanting to come back and my life course would have been altered.

  It cuts both ways you see. They say, oh, you should have trusted in Jehovah, not in men, but then they say, oh, look at these men and it is clear that they are followers of Jehovah. Alas, such a conundrum one cannot ever be expected to solve.

  Disfellowshipping is pure evil. Possibly the purest evil man has ever afflicted onto other man.

  peace

  Joel
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  BoozeRunner

  Isnt it funny how often the magazines tell JWs that humans are gregarious by nature, that is, they naturally desire the association of other humans? Also, the oft quoted scripture about isolating oneself?

  Of course, these things are FINE as long as you are attempting to associate wih JWs. But, when they decide to pull the carpet out from underneath you by DFing, you must accept "discipline", suck it up, and live as a f-----g hermit until you get reinstated.

  Yes, when THEY decide, you must go against your God-given natural desire for human association.

  Such HYPOCRISY!!!

  Boozy, whos made lots of good griends since being DF'd, and who decides for himself who to associate with-using my brain as well.
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  Frenchy

  Touchy subject.

  I believe disfellowshipping has its place in a congregation. If one chooses to belong to a congregation (one that has rules both of doctrine and conduct) then that person's official membership of that congreagation identifies him as one who subscribes to those rules. If at some point he no longer shares those views then he should, first of all, remove himself from that congregation. If he does not and remains as a disruptive influence, it is up to the duly appointed authority of that congregation to remove him.

  It's the shunning that is assoicated with the disfellowshipping that I disagree with so wholeheartedly. It is, in effect, an act of judgment and a punishment levied against an individual by fellow humans for what is perceived by them to be a practice of sin. This, according to the Bible, is reserved for Christ by God's decree.

  -Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it-
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  TweetieBird

  Well put, Frenchy...but I still feel the act of disfellowshipping is wrong. Maybe because it is overused, used as a form of discipline. However, if someone truly has a problem, I would think love toward the person would do far more than disfellowshipping.

  There is a certain stigma attached to being disfellowshipped. My husband was only disfellowshipped for 4 months but the effects of it have lasted 22 years. He has a sister who was disfellowshipped twice, and still is. She is not a bad person but suffers from extreme low self esteem and deep emotional problems. Her 2nd dfing was brought on because she felt like she could never be forgiven by Jehovah, leftover feelings from the 1st dfing, also because she has a husband that leaves her every night of the week to go play basketball, or hunt, or go work on quick-builds. She felt totally unloved.
  
  She is trying to get reinstated right now, and it shouldn't be long before she is, but I don't think she will last long because now she has the distinction of being df'd twice.

  My point is this, there may be extreme circumstances where disfellowshipping is necessary, i.e. a pedophile in the hall, but not as a discipline tool for weaknesses.

  "By doubting we come at truth" -Cicero
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  SixofNine

  Frenchy, what have I missed? Aren't the terms "disfellowship" and "shun" synonymous, for the most part?

  Are you just speaking of a distinction between: looking the other way when seeing a df'd person (shunning), and, being freindly, but not going bowling etc. with a person (df'ing)?