This is my very best recipe. I am a little fuzzy on the times I have ever entered it in any contest, but it has been a hit at home for years.
Holiday Fruit Cake Recipe
You will need the following: A cup of water, a cup of sugar, four
large brown eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of salt, a cup
of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whiskey.
Sample the whiskey and check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the
electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add
one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the
mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the
beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups
of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. Now sift the
lemon uice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar of
something. Whatever you find.
Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Check the
whiskey again and go to bed.