xJW siblings... decline "family" Xmas gathering

Scully

Does this happen with other folks here?

I'm one of 4 siblings who has Left The Truth™. There are two more who are still in, along with our parents.

I have tried to organize a "family" dinner the last few years, including my exJW (never baptized) siblings and their respective never-JW spouses. It never seems to materialize. I realize that it probably creates less of an "exclusionary" feeling - since the JW relatives would not be part of the festivities, but hey, they wouldn't want to be there in the first place. So they all go to celebrate with their never-JW in-laws. One of them told me that they didn't want to create any drama with the parents, who would have a fit if they found out.

I can't help but wonder why it is so important to "not upset" the parents, when the parents are the ones who don't have a problem with excluding exJW family members from "family" events. Is it a matter of loyalty to parents? Is it self-preservation? or are we just so far gone that they just can't be bothered?

Country Girl

Scully:

This was a bit of the problem in the beginning with my family, but eventually, as we all grew older, and got further "out", it was less of a problem. One of my -parents is not a Witness, and he comes most of the time, with a little bit of guff from the other in the beginning, but now she doesn't give him any grief.

Perhaps next year, you can "work on" your non-JW siblings and plan WAAAAAY ahead, and let it be known to your folks, so that they have time to come to accept that this is going to be something that you and the rest of the XJW siblings will be enjoying each year. No drama if everyone works together to stand firm.

I feel badly for my JW mom and brother, and wish they could be here with us, but I am sure that they are feeling okay with it, since they choose not to celebrate, and feel somewhat righteous that they are glorifying Jehovah's name, which is their choice.

Another idea: Maybe you could go over with one of your siblings to the never-JW spouse's family's house?

Merry Christmas, Scully.. and love ya!

CG

blondie

Scully, do your parents know that they go to the in-laws holiday events? If so, I don't see the issue. If not, then I can see why they might want to keep a low profile.

Also, even when no one is an ex-JW, it is hard to coordinate 2 family holiday events.

Do they get together with you at other times?

Blondie (no problem any more with ex-jw or jw relatives)

NewLight2

Maybe you could opt for a summer bbq instead. Invite 'everyone' to a family style outing at a park. This would be a true test of who is 'shunning' who in your family.

NewLight2

codeblue

Scully,

Seems like your other 3 siblings who have left the "truth" (tm) would be more then eager to accept your holiday gathering, especially since they have non jw spouses.

Do they all live far away from you? If so, they might need to know months in advance to prepare for the trip. IF they live close, and have never accepted your invitation, I would wonder the same thing as you.

I am sorry you are having such difficulties getting together with your family.

I have been very disappointed with my family, because it seems if I want to see them, I have to pay all the $$$ to travel to see them...

You and your family are very welcome to visit us.....I think you and NOdenial have some catching up to do anyways....lol

hugs,

Codeblue

garybuss

I only have one brother and he wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire. My whole family of origin is in the JW dumpster. My status has tenure and it's the only thing that feels normal now.