This isnt my story to tell really, but the teller will never come on this board, nor will she ever discuss the topic. So I am going to steal this story.
Also, you must forgive me for talking about myself in more than flattering terms.
My mum fell pregnant at the age of 17 to a married man. A truck driver. It was a shame in those days and she was sent to a naughty girls home, where she was treated badly and punished for being immoral. She was then forced by her family and circumstances to hand over the baby to a couple who were desperate for a baby, a family. This was round about the early 60's. Lots of babies were adopted this way.
7 years later mum married dad, fell pregnant with me, and the whole family became Jehovah's Witnesses. Respectable. Moral. Upright.
Years later, when I was in my mid 20's we 'discovered' my sister. Thats probably another story. She was beautiful, rich, successful by financial standards. Bizarrely she was having an affair with a married man. A truck driver. Mum was appalled. She had been a Witness for so long she judged my sister adversely, and broke contact with her shortly after making contact.
Now heres the point of my story.
Mum has had two wonderful daughters. Two girls who are more than competent in many areas of life - we can both sew, decorate, build, garden, keep an immaculate house, earn a more than average wage, live in beautiful houses. Both of us are good looking and have kept our bodies in a pleasing shape - my sister is exquisitely beautiful, slim and healthy. My sister left a violent husband and went on to buy her own house on an exclusive estate, way beyond the expectations of her life with her violent husband.
Mum feels inadequate by comparison. She has wasted her life in a religion that has sucked the life out of her, she kicked her husband (my dad) out and has lived a very poor life since (financially, emotionally). She feels she has nothing to give her daughters, and so criticises them conatantly and has cut off my sister.
The only thing either of us want from mum is love, and it is the ONE thing she is EXPERT at withholding. We both want to help her, give her money, clothes, gifts, make her happy. All we want is some positive affirmation from her. Some love. We want her to be proud of us.
Heres my point. If I had two daughters like my sister and I, I would be unbeleivably proud at their achievements, accomplishments, and abilities. My sister pulled herself up by her bootstraps, she worked in a tampax factory (feminine hygiene) married to a violent husband, and she walked out, lied on her CV and got an amazing job that shes still in. I pulled myself up from my bootstraps, and went from pioneer and windowcleaner, to law graduate and then mathematics teacher. And all my mum can do is criticise. How sad.
If I had two daughters like myself and my sister I would never have to worry about them. I would swell with pride. I would brag about them constantly. I would visit them and eat at their houses, I would borrow their clothes (my sister buys nothing but designer clothes and is the same size as mum. She would pass them on if mum hadnt cut her off), let them pay for my holidays, and let them buy me beautiful gifts.
I have one daughter who is 8. My partner wants a baby. I am convinced if I had another baby I would cook a girl. Should I have a girl? I want two daughters like my mum had, and I want to love them like me and my sister want loving.
I cant believe my mum is wasting this amazing opportunity. After all either of us could have turned into white trash, married to scum, with too many children and not enough money. We both had poverty upbringings, but we transcended that, and mum has nothing but disdain for us.
I hope this story doesnt sound like its all about money. Its meant to be about love, the desire for it, the withholding of it, the urge to share it, the frustration at being prevented from sharing it with the person who is supposed to be the most important person in your life.
My sister will never have children now. But I could have one more...