Never stop trying to get them out

by Free2Bme 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  Free2Bme

  I know there are people on this board who despite earnest efforts to reach the hearts of friends or family still in the WT org feel they have to give up or that they are flogging a dead horse.
  Someone very close to me is preparing herself to leave. Her heart has already left. She finally sees the true colours of the organisation she has faithfully followed for over 30 years.
  But it has not been easy or swift. It has been a very long and painful process for me as well as her.It has been 7 years and I do not know if her move out will be in weeks, months or years. I just support her while she struggles to come to terms with it.
  Actually we have both been through the different emotional stages together because when my brother bought a pc and discovered the internet 7 years ago he still felt that fear of Armageddon as an ex-JW as I did. We had both left but believed we had left 'the truth' and would one day have to pay. We were shocked at the information available and our eyes were opened.
  It did take a long time for me personally to come to terms with it all and it has been this past 8 months since I went on-line myself that I have finally found peace.
  As for the person close to me? She has fought us all the way. She has steadfastly defended her faith. She has been angry, upset, stubborn, depressed and hurt. She has had sleepless nights.
  She is a good person who loves God. She is a courageous and intelligent Christian.
  And recently she gave up fighting. The evidence is so overwhelming on so many issues! Her questions have been answered. I have to thank the hard work of individuals who reveal the truth and back it up with evidence on their web sites. I thank the WT society for their cd rom which I have used to research issues she has brought up. They supplied the rope to hang themselves.
  I feel so sad for her - like I have destroyed her dreams! But I knew she could not be a hypocrite. Eventually the seed of doubt would grow and her own sense of right and wrong would compell her to condemn it as definitely not God's organisation.
  Now I need to help her find a new life, new friends and interests.Hope you will soon be welcoming her on this board. She's often read threads on my pc so she has an idea how it works.
  7 years is a long time. Sometimes I have just backed off completely especially during her angry stage. I let her come to me with questions in her own time. I never would have believed she would leave. It was a shock when she confided she didn't believe it was 'the truth' anymore.
  So please don't give up. Just a little info now and again. Expect outrage and anger. But have faith in their thinking ability. They won't be able to stop themselves thinking. Just build on that and never stop trying to get them out. Or if they choose to stay in let it be an informed choice. So make sure they keep informed!

  Free
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  individuals wife

  Free - that is such an encouraging story, I am just so pleased for your friend that she has your support behind her, to leave the organistion with no back up can be very frightening, much like stepping off the edge of a very high cliff, it takes a lot of courage, a lot of conviction and a friend who knows what you are going through is definitely a big bonus.

  You say that she is angry, upset, stubborn, depressed and hurt and has sleepless nights - I can identify with all those, except for perhaps stubborness, when I decided to leave I just started walking. I think above all things I felt deceived, and I think this feeling still remains with me to a certain extent. I would hope that all the other things have gradually worked their way out of my system.

  Dont feel as though you have destroyed her dream, the dream was never real in the first place, all you have helped to do is remove the blindfold and steer her in the right direction, I know that she will one day be grateful to you.

  I hope that she will one day come here and see for herself that she is not alone, there are many of us who have gone through the same situation and understand how raw the emotions are when you leave, yet there is life after the organisation, and that life can be pretty good!
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  Ray Skyhorse

  Dear Free2bme,

  Thanks for sharing that very personal post. I need to read stories like yours to keep me going. My wife has been in the Borg since 1989. I hope to get her out some day. I'd like to hear more about the techniques you used to get her out. Maybe you can share some of your experiences in more detail when you have the time. I need to learn how to plant seeds of doubt.

  I don't think you are destroying her dream; you are awakening her from a nightmare. When people wake up from nightmares they are sometimes a bit disoriented. I think you can help her by letting reassuring her that you have unconditional love for her. Also, get her busy doing something that she's always wanted to do, but could never find the time for. Maybe she has wanted to take an art class or learn a musical instrument or something like that. It will focus her energies on something positive. It will also expose her to people that have similiar interests as she does. Hopefully, she'll make some new friends there. She's going to need a social network to give her emotional support. Here is a good place but she needs to make some face to face connections as well.

  Wishing you both the best,

  Peace,
  Ray Skyhorse
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  Kat_

  That was a very inspiring story. I have made it a goal to one day not only tell them about me (still hiding), but also to just slip little tidbits of info here and there. Hopefully, like you said, it will get them thinking. All it takes is one spark. I can honestly say that my determination now is due to this board. I am drawing strength here. Thank You.
  I often think about my family, especially my Mother, who are all in the 'truth'. When I first came here I thought that, while I was lucky to have had the opportunity to open my eyes, there would never be hope for them--they are so staunch in their beliefs. But I have recently come to realize that it's not their actual faith in God that makes them this way; it's that classic JW belief that they ARE RIGHT, God or no. I wonder these days, after witnessing many posts by those who are still total JW's, if it's really that they have such beautifully undying faith in God, or is it an undying faith in themselves. I am not saying they are all like this but I have noticed many who are more concerned about proving themselves to be superior than proving God to be superior.

  Just a thought.

  Kat
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  Prisca

  Thanks for sharing your story.

  I hope I will be able to say the same about my sister one day.
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  Daisymay

  Hey Free2BeMe, Your story gives such hope! I applaud you and your friend - what a journey! My step-sister recently returned to the borg (and after all that we've been thru!) and said to me that her husband would soon be baptised - lucky guy! :) I hope that thru my example they can see what a fulfilling life we can have outside of the JW's, but could use some tips. LOL
  daisy
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  Billygoat

  Free,

  Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me some hope that perhaps one day my family will be free too. My heart hurts so badly knowing that my mom, dad, and two brothers are giving their lives to an organization full of empty promises. They think the organization is God!!! How sad.

  I don't know how to get my foot in the door as I live thousands of miles away and my parents rarely speak to me. I don't know how, I don't know when, but I have faith that God will give me the opportunity to help them. So until then, I draw strength from stories like yours. Thank you for the reminder to not give up!

  Love,
  Andi
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  Free2Bme

  Thankyou for your replies.
  I'd like to add this. I would love to 'come out' on this board full name etc. but I have not done so because until the person close to me is ready to leave I have to protect her identity. She is living in dread of the tag 'apostate'.
  I think I have said enough things about myself on this board for anyone who knew me as a witness to know who I am. So in a sense I needn't bother.
  As for my friend for the sake of some of you who have replied I might as well tell you my 'friend' is my MOTHER.
  My mum's closest friend is already worried. They normally aux. pioneer together and my mum has been hardly going on the service. She still attends the meetings but has ceased commenting unless it is on a bible issue. Others have noticed this as well. She has also noticed a few special talks on associating with disfellowshipped family members.
  Can you believe this? My mum stopped seeing me when I was DF'd. I did not see her for months on end. If we did meet up I practically had to duck down in her car because she ranted at me that a witness may be stumbled by seeing me in her car. For a number of reasons she mellowed including the terminal illness of my grandmother and subsequent death. Nana had been the loving gentle 'leader' and support of our family and my mum stepped into that role upon her death and became a better person and in my opinion a more sincere christian for doing so.

  So how did we get through to her?

  Take the Malawi/ Mexico stuff. It's old hat to many in here but what you have to keep reminding yourself is JW's just do not know it happened. They don't know 90% of the stuff you find in here.
  I think the Malawi issue was the first of several articles my brother feverishly printed off on his first pc. Of course my mum reacted as if he was chucking acid at her but he challenged her that she was so under the society's thumb she would not dare read them. So my mum proved him wrong and as the years have passed she has read C of C and several others.
  The blood issue has been a big one for her as well. Especially finding out her best friend could have had an RH injection to save her baby and refused it as a blood product and lost her only son. And the fact that JW's who do not give blood use blood fractions that have been produced using millions of pints of non-witness blood-the injustice and sheer hypocracy of this had her reeling.
  What I found though was the need to back off. A lot.I sensed she had had enough. She went through a denial stage. So I left off. Never mentioned it. Bit back sarcastic comments when she mentioned meetings or service. I told her I understood and supported her decision to ignore all she now knew and remain a JW with her life-long friends.And slowly but surely she started asking little questions. She even revealed things that she didn't agree with in the mags etc. I researched every question she asked. I showed her threads in here, warts and all and explained to her about how crazy it can get with hundreds of different personalities bouncing ideas back and forth. She has read a few and it's opened up discussions. I'm still working on stuff she's asked me...can't wait till her pc's up and running so she can help LOL.

  If my brother reads this (FlabbyCabby) thanks again bruv and lay off the pressure cos that's when she digs her heels in. She feels guilty and digging at her makes her worse. I know you are impatient but we've waited 7 years - I don't think we will have much longer to wait.

  Hope our experience can help others keep hoping and trying. E-mail me if you need to talk.

  Free

  PS despite years of 'anti-witnessing' to her she always defended and argued angrily with us so when she told us she finally accepted it we were absolutely mute with shock. We never believed she would 'crack'.
  Just goes to show...
• 

  Sunbeam

  Hi Free

  Many thanks for your encouraging post. I'm in the position that you were in about 6 years ago. For the last year, we've been trying to persuade my husband's mother that the WTS isn't what she believes it to be.

  As you say, this often results in anger and outrage, particularly when we make observations that are too close to the mark for comfort.

  We've now got to the point where we ask her questions about her beliefs in the hope that they will make her think. In response, she just goes to her friends and they print out ready-made answers from the WT's CD-ROM. We (and she) have discovered that despite 30 years of regular pioneering, she can't explain and defend her own religion's core doctrines. So any discussions usually make her absolutely furious and frustrated.

  We now have a print-out of the WT's John 1:1 explanation, which includes some nicely misquoted references from 'authorities' such as the Encyclopaedia Brittanica, etc. Of course, we can produce copies of the original quotes and are thinking about showing these to her, as well as sending copies to the friend who kindly consulted their CD-ROM (an old friend of my husband). We know that this won't result in an instant change of heart, but hope that we can gradually build up sufficient evidence to keep her thinking.

  Any pointers from you would be gratefully received, especially in relation to the 'rope' from the CD.

  I wish you and your family well with the final stage of your journey. It really would be great if your mum could join us here one day.

  Love
  Sunbeam
  xxx

  PS We've wondered if we should pursue this course of action, as she has no friends or interests beyond the WTS. But at least we can give her the informed choice that was denied her 30 years ago.