I need to tell my hubby I don't want anything to do with this religion

by Bumble Bee 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  Bumble Bee

  I've been "inactive" and a fader for over 10 years, it's been a slow and gradual transition. Things have recently come to a head with my mother and sister over this and they are basically shunning me now. They've told me they don't want anything to do with me anymore because of this.

  This happened really fast, just over the last couple of days in fact. Now, I need to tell my hubby what's happened, and that I'm through with this religion, I don't want to even put up the pretence anymore. This may effect his family, I don't know, they live in another city and I don't see them too much.

  I'm not sure how to put things to him. He's been inactive longer than I have, hasn't gone to meetings longer than I have, but there is something there - he still views himself as a JW. He hasn't looked into the discrepancies, the UN scandal, the blood issue, the flip flops etc, etc, etc. Just stopped going when I did. I guess it was easier to stay at home with me than go alone.

  Now I have to sit down with him and have a heart to heart, and expain to him why my mom and sister will no longer be in our lives.

  Any suggestions?

  BB
• 

  skyman

  Becareful some time this confusses people and they run to the ELders even though they themselves don't go they still believe in the Elders authority over them. If you want to not be DF then think before you speak.
• 

  GetBusyLiving

  I suggest you get him to read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. That should put the final nail in his WTBTS coffin.

  GBL
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  M.J.

  Not sure exactly how much this may help your situation, but it does make some very important points:

  http://www.freeminds.org/psych/exithelp.htm
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  ithinkisee

  Yes, be careful.

  You don't want to phrase your argument in a way that he thinks to himself, "My inactivity as a JW has caused this. I need to get my act together to get Jehovah's spirit back in our family, then all will be well."

  The short answer may be to always try and phrase things in positives ... or that you believe what you do because you DO love to look for the "truth".

  -ithinkisee
• 

  Mastodon

  I had a similar situation with my wife. This is how I handled it.
  We had stopped going to meetings for about 2 years. We never talked about it. The only thing my wife would mention was how much lack of justice and love she witnessed in different situations, in different cogregations.
  After a few months of having moved from Puerto Rico to San Antonio, I started digging deep into my research about the Society. I had doubts before then, probably since the 1995 "1914 Generation" change, but never did anything about it.
  I had been researching about the WTS for about 5 months when I decided to talk to her. First I told her that I believed that I may have been a victim of child abuse, I had/have vague recollections of some stuff that may have happened when I was about 6 or 7 with an older member(no pun intended) of the congregation. But I'm not going into details about it now. Anywhoo, I mentioned to her some of the stuff I found in Silentlambs.org. She said she understood if I never wanted to go to the hall again, but to be careful with the stuff I read on the 'net.
  Then one night I sat down with her ( I couldn't stop shaking) and told her that I beleived there was something fundamentally wrong with the WTS, that from '95 I had doubts because of the generation change and that, in source after source, the dates did not match to 607 CE. That opened the way to tell her about Malawi/Mexico and the UN deal.
  I can say that today she stands next to me in the belief that the WTS is not the Truth.
  
  I suggest that you start with only one or two things that have you convinced of your views, one or two topics that you can really prove and you feel confident arguing about.
  In my opinion, anyone who stops going to meetings for so long, deep down inside, doesn't have the WTS teachings in their hearts. They may have some doubts, they may simply not care anymore. Given the right circumstances, you can empower him into feeling that he has been right to have kept away from the Hall. You might give him a reason to stop feeling guitly for being inactive.
  To us, it was this huge load off our shoulders. We can now speak freely to each other about what we believe and what we don'. Now our conscience is clear and free of 'man-made' guilt.
  BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!
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  Bumble Bee

  Thank you all for responding.

  Mastadon - your post really gives me hope~ thank you so much for sharing your experience with me.

  Skyman - I honestly don't think he'll go to the elders, he tries to avoid them as much as I do, and he's never been one to tattle so to speak.

  ithinkisee - I've talked to him here and there about going back to meetings, that I'd go with him if that's what he really wanted, because he once expressed thoughts about missing the meetings, but he's never got up on Sunday morning to go.

  M.J. Thanks for the link I will definately check it out.

  GBL - I'm not sure he's ready for that yet, I'll see how he responds when I talk to him.

  As to the shunning from my mom and sis - I never told them that I was never going to a meeting again, or leaving the religion. I was very careful that I would not say this to give them ammo for being DF'd. I told them when and why I started to stop going to meetings, and it was directly because of my parents, and the situation they/we were going through at the time. My dad was very ill (and it was giving my mom panic attacks), and she was calling for help, usually when we were dressed and ready to go out the door to the meeting. It got easier to just not get dressed and wait for her to call. That was just before the generation change that nobody could expain to me. It just snowballed from there. Then I got the internet! (There is so much more involved that I can't go into right now.)

  I've talked to my brother and sis in law, and they have no intention of acting the same way. Which is a huge relief! When I told him everything the two of them said, he said he wanted to vomit over the way they were behaving, especially after the talk that was at the hall on Sunday, how she sat and listened to it and took notes on being loving, not harbouring resentments, and being forgiving. At least I'm being honest and true to myself.

  Thanks again

  BB