Did ya miss me?? I didn't think so.
Hehehe, you guys probably didn't even know I was gone, but I figured I'd start a new topic to get myself back into the swing of things and let everyone know what I've been up to these past couple of weeks since I've posted.
Let's see, it's a new semester, I'm back into my school routine once again and trying desperately to love it, but hey, university gets a little old after a while (this is my third year here) and right now, I just wish I was finished so I could go and make something of myself. But I'm getting close to the end, just one year left!! Then I can go do and something interesting for a change!!
I haven't posted here in a couple of weeks for a couple of reasons. One, I'd developed a nasty addiction to this forum, so much so that I felt the need to cut back a bit so I could have more time to actually do the important things, like eat, sleep and go to class. I was really close to needing a "JWD-ers Anonymous" support group, this site is incredibly addictive!! The homepage definitely needs a disclaimer or a Surgeon General's warning or something!!
The second and probably more important reason would be that my inactive JW boyfriend came for a visit a couple of weeks ago and I didn't want any evidence of my involvement with this forum present on my computer, so I reformatted my hard drive to destroy the evidence. Sure, I could've just emptied my browser's history and deleted my bookmarks, but he's a computer geek, he would've found it, I'm sure. So in my efforts to remain sneaky about my research, I wiped my hard drive and so now, he is still in the dark about my membership on this board. Hey, I've never lied to him about my participation on this board, but he's never asked, either, so given how touchy he's been in the past to the notion of me educating myself about his beliefs, I'm not quite ready to tell him about my experiences on the board just yet.
His visit was surprisingly relaxed and tension-free, despite the fact that it came almost immediately after the Christmas holidays and I was still feeling very festive at the time. I was expecting a lot of tension, a lot of stress and a lot of awkwardness about my celebrations, I was really concerned about it, but nope, not a single nasty word from him, I was very impressed. I even made the effort to bring up things like the holidays, sharing stories with him and wearing my Christmas socks (I love novelty socks, I have lots of them!!), just to see how he'd react, and it just so happened that one of my roommates had a birthday the week he was here, so my apartment was decorated with balloons and streamers and the like, and he didn't even flinch, not once. I was very confused and a little startled - true, he does have more tact than to say something rude in the presence of people that he doesn't know well, like my roommates, but he didn't even have any snide remarks when we were alone and he didn't grumble when I told him about my Christmas celebrations, which was a huge switch. Normally, when something like that comes up, he's not shy about sharing his negative opinions with me and making harsh comments, but he didn't say a single thing. Nothing. Not even once. Weird.
Hmm, what else?? We didn't really talk about holidays and such, he was only here for 6 days and we ended up catching the flu and spending most of our time together feeling miserable (it was definitely a good week for the makers of Tylenol, Nyquil and Kleenex. ), not a fun way to spend a week with someone you haven't seen in months, but it did come up a couple of times, and once again, he stated clearly that he loves me regardless of my celebrations and that he just wants me to be happy, so he'll make sacrifices for me. Sure, he's said something like that before, but there was a slight difference this time - the last time something like this came up in conversation, his response was, "I'm willing to make sacrifices if you are", but this time, it was more like, "I'll make sacrifices for us" (not those words exactly, but very close). Last time, his mindset was, "I'll give up some stuff if you'll give up some stuff", which, to me, sounded suspiciously like, "you give up your holidays, and I'll tolerate it when you sent your mother a card for her birthday", but this time, it was more like, "I love you and I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy", no mention of me giving up anything that's important to me. Only a subtle difference, true, and maybe I'm seeing something that isn't there, but I take note of anything that he says that seems to be different from past statements. The point is, he is now more willing to discuss these things and he doesn't seem to be quite as harsh in his judgement or as staunch in his convictions - maybe he's only behaving this way because there's nothing going on right now (no holidays, no celebrations, etc.), but I do notice a slight difference in his behaviour, as tiny as it is. I think that maybe he's finally realized just how important certain times of the year and certain celebrations are to me. Don't tear into me for seeing this, you'd notice the difference, too, if you communicated with him as often and as much as I do.
Before he left, when we were talking about how long we'll be apart and how many months we'd have to wait before we'll see each other again, he was trying to make me feel better by saying that there'd be lots of fun things to do while we're apart, and he even told me to enjoy my birthday (mine's in March, and I probably won't see him again before then). Then today, when I told him in an email that it was my other roommate's birthday, he said that while wishing her a "happy birthday" isn't his kind of thing, he did wish her an "extra-happy snowday" (it was stormy here today, there was a blizzard, so classes were cancelled and we had a snowday). Not quite "happy birthday", but it was pretty close, and my roommate got the message, she knows what he meant. He told me to enjoy my snowday, but he didn't wish me an "extra-happy snowday", he said that just for my roommate because it was her birthday, so I think that's his way of saying, "enjoy your special day", in recognition of her birthday. Hmm, maybe I'm reading a little too far into this - OK, so I'm definitely reading into this too much - but I like to think that there just might be hope for us after all. Hey, a girl can dream!!
Alright, so that's all for now, I think. I'll probably get back into the routine of posting periodically now that I'm finally back into the swing of things, but I've really got to try to not let this site intrude too much into my offline life too much, I spent entirely too much time surfing the site last semester and I've really got a lot of work this semester, so expect a few less posts from me this semester. For now, it's 3am and I need to get some sleep, so I'm going back to bed, I have a long weekend of homework ahead of me.
That said, though, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!! I love you guys!!
-Becka :)