Hey everybody I am looking for some help. I am in love with a JW and she has told me she loves me. We have absolutely everything in common. That is outside religion. When she came into my life I was an atheist. Then I decided there must be a God because I just can't see how she could exsist without there being a great and holy being. She is very devout and can't and won't go out with a non-witness. So the only way to be with her is to convert, keep in mind that she never asked me to I just kind of came to this conclusion myself. So I kind of stand at a crossroads. I really don't know what to do. I want to be with her more than anything. I have seen here act dorky/cook/weird so I know I won't loose that part of me but I think I might feel controlled, I have always been a rebel battaling conformity and what not. So I feel I would be losing a part of myself that is dear to me by following a couple dudes in Brooklyn. I have gained a greater appreciation for God because of her and have stopped some supposedly sinful things, the biggest being gambling. So I want to thank God and show appreciation for sending an "angel" of sorts to show me he is there. Along with bad things I have found good in the religion. The no holiday thing is very appealing to me because I think holidays have become way to commercial and I had hoped to teach my children some day to not value material possessions. I have been on a spiritual quest for about 5 years ( I am 20 years old) and this is really the first thing to appeal. I have always felt religions are too materialistic so I have always thought that if I chose a religion it would be non-materialistic. I had been thinking about Buddism before she came along. It is my understanding that Buddism is more a philosophy more than a religion and that Buddists don't believe in worship of a deity. And like I said I have recently found God so this wouldn't work for me. I recently attended a meeting and it was an interesting format that I enjoyed. First doing the normal "sermon" thing and then reading the Watchtower and then having a little Q & A. But really I am finding that the bad may outweigh the good... at least in my head. In my heart I feel I should do whatever it takes to be with her and my heart has always been the stronger organ in my life. So considering this I just want some help. I mean I am almost willing to be brainwashed into this thing because ultimately it's not the most horrible religion in the world, it could provide structure in my life that I have never had before. But I am thinking that just following the bible according to my interpretations, not some guys in Brooklyn, will be good enough for God...
Looking for helpful advice
by Gizmo5013 6 Replies latest social relationships
-
-
damselfly
I feel for your love for this girl, however are you willing to give up who you are to be with her? Will she be attracted to you once you lose your personality and become a JW? When I was a JW teen I was never attracted to the JW boys, they were boring! I liked the the "bad" boys at school instead because they were exciting and different from I knew.
I don't know of a situation were this worked out for everyone involved. I'm sorry. I think you should hold on to this statement,
But I am thinking that just following the bible according to my interpretations, not some guys in Brooklyn, will be good enough for God...
You already know what you need to do.
Dams
-
Think
Stay away from JW religion. This is not christian religion. This is Satanic Religion.
The beauty is only the cover. Milions left the Cult.
-
Super_Becka
Hey Gizmo, welcome to the board, you've definitely come to the right place!!
Sounds like you've gotten yourself in quite the predicament. My situation isn't exactly like yours, but it has its similarities. I'm also 20 years old and I have found myself madly in love with a Jehovah's Witness, though my boyfriend, who is 28, by the way, isn't devout, he's inactive and unbaptized and never attends meetings, he just follows a few of the rules of the Watchtower Society that are most convenient for him, like no holidays and no voting.
That being said, I also know how hard is it to be involved with someone in this organization. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but it is very hard to reconcile my beliefs and values with his, and he is very stubborn about his beliefs and has no trouble saying rude things about what I believe. I have never said anything against his faith, but he can be very vocal in his disgust for mine. He loves me, I have no doubt about that, but he is very intolerant about my views. JWs have been brought up to believe that their beliefs and only their beliefs are correct and that everyone else, regardless of religious affiliation, is wrong, under Satan's control and doomed at "Armageddon". I don't blame my boyfriend for his intolerance, I blame the WTS for indoctrinating him like that.
That's just the thing, the WTS is a high-control group (I hesitate to say "cult" because that word is so strong and I don't want to offend you, though I do believe that the WTS qualifies as a cult) and it can and will control every aspect of its members lives. So maybe you think it's OK to not have holidays and such, that's fine, but would you be OK with attending meetings 5 times a week, going out in field service (knocking on doors to convert others) for many hours a month, curtailing any and all contact with non-JWs, even your family, performing only "approved" sexual acts with your wife (yes, the WTS even controls the sex lives of married couples), refusing blood transfusions if you were ill or injured and then preventing your children from living a full childhood by refusing to allow them to join sports teams or participate in "worldly" activities with other non-JW children, subjecting them to being outcasts among other children, forcing them to come out in field service on the weekends, taking them to all meetings and possibly even ending their lives by refusing blood transfusions to save them in the event of injury or illness?? Yes, JWs are forced to refuse all blood transfusions, even if it means death, so you can end up in a situation that requires you to let your child die by refusing a blood transfusion for them. Would you be able to live with yourself if your child died because you refused a safe and easy medical treatment to save him/her?? And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
If you want to start dating this girl, you will have to start studying with the JWs, then you will be subjected to baptism, which involved pledging your allegiance to God and the WTS (you will be forbidden from pledging allegiance to the flag or a country, but you will be forced to pledge allegiance to the organization - that screams hypocrisy to me), and then, you will be forced to have chaperones on any and all dates with this girl. JWs date to marry only, and they are forbidden from having any form of sexual relations before marriage. That means no sex before marriage, and even kissing can be seen as being too sexual for unmarried JWs, it is frowned upon by the WTS.
Let's not forget what will happen to you if you are baptized and then decide to change your mind or if you do something that is against WTS doctrine - you'll face disfellowshipping. That means that they cut you off completely from the WTS and every JW that you know will shun you and act as though you are dead. Think that friends wouldn't do that to you?? Think again - "love" and "friendship" in the WTS is completely conditional on you remaining loyal and subservient to the WTS. If you are disfellowshipped, they will no longer love you and consider you a friend. And if you are married, disfellowshipping can affect your marriage - after all, a good JW doesn't have any unnecessary contact with a disfellowshipped person. How would you feel if you became a JW, married this girl and got disfellowshipped for whatever reason, only to find that she no longer wanted to eat a meal with you?? It could happen. Sad but true.
I am glad that you have found God and that you are searching for spirituality in your life, but I don't think that the WTS is where you'll find what you need. This organization is very controlling and strict and it will control all facets of your life, down to the smallest details. And questioning their logic will only get you into trouble - JWs are trained to counter arguments against their beliefs, no matter how wrong they are, and they are forbidden from questioning the authority of the WTS. That's something they don't tell you when you get baptized - while you are studying to become a JW, you are encouraged to question your previous beliefs, but once you are a baptized JW, you are forced to not question anything that the WTS tells you.
I think that if you want God and religion in your life, then keep searching for what you need and don't be afraid to study the Bible on your own and decide for yourself what you believe and what you don't believe. Think about what you want in your life and what you need, and evaluate these things. And think about your family and friends - would you be willing to cut them all out of your life to become a JW and be with this girl?? Think about that.
This girl will only love you if you become a JW, how can that be love?? Her love for you is conditional on your membership in the WTS, which is so typical of JWs, and conditional love is not real love. If she really loved you, she would love you for who you are, not for what she thinks you should be.
I know I sound like a hypocrite to say all of this and still continue my relationship with a JW, but my boyfriend has stated on many occasions that, even though we don't believe the same things and he doesn't agree with many of my beliefs, he still loves me for who I am and he wants to make me happy. He has never asked me to convert and never based his love for me on that, so I have more leeway in my relationship than you have in yours. I have unconditional love from my boyfriend, you have a girl who will only love you if you do what she tells you to. Her potential love for you is conditional, is that what you want??
And I believe that God loves all of us for who we are and that, if you follow the Bible and form your own opinions, God will see that and appreciate it. The God I believe in isn't spiteful, He is loving and wants all of His people to be happy. For me, He does not base His love for us on which church we attend, He bases it on who we are and how we love and serve Him. You need to decide what you think God wants from you and how you can achieve that, and maybe the WTS isn't the right path for you.
Stick around the board, there are lots of people here who have been in similar situations and know a lot about the WTS and its rules and lies. Ask whatever you want, these people are more than willing to help you out however they can. Don't be shy, we're here to help!!
I wish you all the best.
-Becka :)
-
Gizmo5013
just an update: I have decided to go a different route- a non christian route. Haha. well for now anyway we'll see where this goes. So I decided to be just friends with this girl and just ya nkow be there for her and have her be there for me. So yeah...go me.
-
damselfly
I hope it goes well for you. You're right~ Go you!
Dams
-
Super_Becka
I have decided to go a different route- a non christian route. Haha. well for now anyway we'll see where this goes. So I decided to be just friends with this girl and just ya nkow be there for her and have her be there for me. So yeah...go me.
I'm glad you've found a route that you're comfortable following. And I'm glad that you're still willing to be this girl's friend, that might be just what the both of you really need. I hope you find your own path and that you're happy being who you are.
I wish you the best of luck.
-Becka :)