AUGUST SALON
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT
CROSSROADS
Everyone reaches crossroad stop signs in life. Regardless of whether
your job, personal life, or spiritual journey leads to these forks in
the road, we cannot avoid them. The reasons that I decided to write
about this subject for the Salon is because it is important to
understand the spiritual and symbolic significance of a crossroad and
because a type of "crossroads epidemic" is a genuine, contemporary
struggle. More and more people are finding themselves at crossroads
today than in previous times, "previous" meaning pre-1960's. Certainly
people have always had to make major choices in life, but factors are
different today and that's the point worthy of investigation. Before we
tackle these significant questions that have formed and continue to
shape our lives, it is important to clarify about whom I am speaking
lest the assumption that I am referring to the whole of humanity be
taken for granted.
While it is accurate to say that the entire global village, and
therefore the collective soul of humanity, is operating under a new
paradigm of consciousness, the influence of that paradigm is manifesting
very differently within the many cultures of the world. In our nation,
for example, the freedoms that are inherent to the American culture are
very much reflected in the New Age movement. In fact, we could say that
we spearheaded the conscious union of the psyche and soul on this planet
precisely because we have the social/political texture that allows for
the dismantling of convention. And dismantle we did, but the
significance of this phenomenal social movement needs to be recognized
beyond its historic value in order to appreciate the psycho-spiritual
climate that now envelops you as opposed to other cultures.
Specifically, the New Age movement targets a particular group of people
- namely us. It is we who are able to step out of the religious
tradition we grew up in and cruise through any and all of the other
traditions seeking the right fit for our souls. This freedom is not
available to the majority of people in other cultures, at least not in
the same way. After all, it is difficult to make feeding the psyche the
priority when feeding the stomach has not been requires attention. The
companion to this spiritual quest is the open door we have to excavate
our psyches. We have the luxury to reach out for the assistance of a
therapist to help unravel our interior selves. This is hardly a
commonplace option, globally speaking, even though it has become such
for us.
The New Age for us, then, has become a tangible age whereas in so many
other cultures, its influence is exerted more on the subtle planes or in
ways that are more tribal rather than individual. Political and social
movements, for example, that represent supporting the rights of various
ethic groups of people reflect a shift in perspective most certainly.
You may be thinking that such movements have nothing to do with you
directly, but that is very inaccurate. They have everything to do with
you, as you'll understand further on in this article. Let's take a look
then at the microcosmic level at what is transpiring in the global
unconscious to understand more clearly why your life is more tumultuous
than the ordinary pre-1960's life and how specifically are you supposed
to respond to living in a spiritual culture which has opened wide the
doors of your psyche and soul.
OUR FEAR OF MAKING CHOICES WITHOUT GUARANTEES
As a result of dismantling the social, sexual, political, religious, and
personal boundaries that once held together our nation, we have created
an abundance of choice the likes of which has never before existed. If
you were born anywhere from the mid-fifties onward, (and certainly
earlier, although age groups from mid-fifties onward are the majority),
you have experienced this revolution. For all of the many ways that
this period of social upheaval can be described, the most significant
way vis-à-vis our discussion is to say that we awakened the needs of our
psyches and souls. Other social times of cultural change targeted more
the necessity for political and social change that liberated groups of
people, emphasis on the word "groups". The revolution of the 1960's was
directed toward freeing the individual so that an individual could walk
a path of self-discovery separate and apart from the dictates of ethnic,
social, and religious background. The cry of the revolution of the
1960's was that of the individual who wanted to be free to make choices
that served his or her life, including whether to fight in a war.
Simultaneous with the New Age movement, the Age of Narcissism was born.
We needed to become what I refer to as "spiritually narcissistic" in
order to hang on to and protect the process of inner transformation that
was beginning to take place. Transformation required that we discover
and attend to the needs of our psyches, our spirits, and our emotions in
a way that had never, ever been encouraged by mainstream society before.
In fact, these needs were not even recognized, much less supported. From
the angle of the tribal mind, the 1960's generation was an unknown
quantity, a vast sea of youth who, in addition to reshaping their
external worlds, began redefining the meaning of the most familiar words
in our vocabulary. The word "self", which had always ended with "ish"
was now reshaped: self-empowerment, self-development, self-esteem,
and self-love. The "Self" came into its own, and this is perhaps the most
important characteristic difference of the revolution of the 1960's when
compared to other social movements. What is this "Self" they were
talking about? People were brought up to make choices on behalf of
others: women to serve their families and men to support their families.
Who could imagine the stability of a home being held in tact if the
woman/mother or the man/father begin to make choices reflecting their
individual needs? And to suggest that those individual needs included a
need to explore a spiritual tradition outside the one that they grew up
in? How could such an outrage be permitted? Impossible.
And in terms of how it affected you, you wouldn't be reading this
article, or any others like it, if your "Self" wasn't up and running.
You are in the business of caring for the Self and it is your "Self"
that is directing the flow - and choices - of your life far more than
your personality and perhaps even your physical needs. Certainly you
still need to contend with finding an occupation and covering your
essential survival concerns, but are you making your choices completely
devoid of what would also serve the thriving of your spirit? I would bet
not.
Jack's Story
One man named Jack shared his story with me that is very typical of
experiences so many others have gone through. He said that by the time
he was in his late thirties, his sales job was creating so much pressure
for him that he started to get anxiety attacks, adding that up until it
was "his turn under the hot light", he thought anxiety attacks were
imaginary. His said that he began to experience tightness in his chest]3åº0D
sometimes even when he was relatively calm. At first he thought he was
on the brink of a heart attack, but after two medical check-ups
indicated that he had no signs of heart trouble, he had to consider
other sources.
His wife suggested that perhaps he was experiencing anxiety attacks. "I
didn't even know what that was, much less what I was anxious about. It
didn't occur to me that it was my job since I liked my occupation. My
marriage was fine, so what was I feeling anxious about?" He decided that
he needed to take a break and so he went away to a health spa. "I got
one massage after another, ate fat-free food, walked for miles a day,
and still I would experience these panic feelings that my world was
falling apart and there was nothing I could do about it. After I
returned home, my wife said that maybe I needed to make some changes in
my life. She asked me what else would I like to do. That's when I came
up against a brick wall. I had never asked myself anything about myself.
I only asked what else I could do for my family.
"The very idea that I would consider something for myself terrified me.
What if I found out I didn't like my job or even that I was unhappy in
my marriage, although I couldn't imagine that - but what if? I mean, I
was on new ground here. I didn't know what to do or where to go for
help," Jack said.
Jack said that he just decided that he would take some time off and let
things unfold as they may. "My wife got me some books on doing personal
growth work. I read a little bit about this and that and even though I
avoided reading any of them cover to cover, what little I did read made
me think all the more about how I wanted to live the rest of my life. I
realized that I had never really factored into the equation of my life
any of my creative interests, even though I didn't even know what they
were at the time. But what if I did have a creative side?" Jack
wondered.
He said that his wife was willing to take a risk on whatever he decided
to explore, and that's when he realized, "I had no idea what I wanted to
do next. I knew I didn't want to do car sales anymore, so now what did I
want? It's a frightening place to be at the crossroads of realizing you
simply cannot live the life you had and have no idea where you want to
go next". Jack decided that since he did have a talent for sales, he
would stay in the field, but he would sell something other than cars.
"I decided to see if I could sell the creative work of other people,
like artists. My wife supported this decision, partly I suppose because
she got tired of me hanging around the house. I introduced myself to a
few owners of some art galleries and I contacted some artists. It took a
while since I really knew very little about art, but that's where the
adventure began. I started to learn art, including art history and
various contemporary artists. I find this very exciting and fulfilling
in a way that my previous life did not provide for me," Jack commented.
I asked him how he saw this new life with respect to his spiritual life,
if he connected them at all. "The only way that I can see a connection
is that it took me a great deal of courage to strike out on my own. I
don't have a company backing me up any more. I'm on my own. But I did
it. I feel more at succeeding at this because I am not that intimidated
by the unknown as I once was. I feel physically better as well. But my
wife has pointed out to me that something, or some source, was
responsible for pushing me out of car sales. It wasn't just one of those
things. She believes that I was meant not so much to sell art as to get
to know myself. My wife meditates and is directly involved in her
spiritual practice. I don't do any of that. But for me, what I am doing
is my spiritual practice because I operate on intuition now and I never
did that before. She calls that inner guidance. I call it gut intuition.
But I also sense that the source of this inner knowledge is a higher
power and I never had any such thoughts before. I also have to say that
if this gut intuition began to signal me that it was time to move on
from what I was doing, I would not hesitate to follow it even if I did
not know what to do next because now I know that feeling has direction
and purpose to it. If that is Divine guidance, then I would have to say
I have established contact".
THE NEED FOR SPIRITUAL NARCISSISM
Spiritual narcissism, I believe, is a product of the New Age movement
and most definitely a stage in the development of spiritual awareness.
Undergoing your own version of a social/religious/sexual or personal
revolution can begin with a yearning for breathing space, but this
passion to move out of your tribal mind does not always include clear
instructions as to why you are suffocating and exactly what you are
meant to do next. In fact, I would have to say that in the majority of
situations that I know of, immediately following a person's personal
revolution, they find themselves at a crossroads that lacks any clear
direction.
This is the point at which the old world, the tribal guard in one's
life, might make attempts at calling you back home - the familiar road.
Questions are tossed in your direction one after another inquiring, if
not demanding, that you come up with reasons as to why you are changing
or why you want something "different" or "more fulfilling" in your life.
And at this point, like Jack, you might not have any idea of what to do
or where to go next. Becoming spiritually narcissistic is essential
because you need to discover how much birthing your Self-means to you
and through that discovery you form a connection to the Divine that
becomes your support system. Although you might face accusations of
self-centeredness (which you should interpret as finally coming close to
your center), I can promise you one thing that is a given: the guidance
that gets you out of a situation will not get you through your journey.
You are only given one step at a time, and never, ever are you shown the
entire road that lies ahead. Many people remain stagnant in their lives
because they cannot bring themselves to make any choice at all in their
lives. They need guarantees of safe outcomes. They want a no-risk clause
to their Contracts. That will never happen, and if you are one of those
people, get yourself a multitude of cable stations and prepare for a
"surfers" life. You will be one of those people who will tell yourself
that you don't know where to go from here or what to choose - in spite
of the miserable and depression feelings that fill your gut - because
you are waiting for proof to meet you at the crossroads. It ain't gonna
happen. So get comfortable with watching TV and the rest of your life
pass you by.
Not being able to state what you are doing next, even if only to
yourself - never mind anyone else - is exceedingly overwhelming
precisely because you cannot answer those questions. And even if you can
come up with the direction you are moving toward, chances are it will
not be the least bit similar to the life you are leaving behind. You may
be going forward as a single person once again, or you may, like Jack,
be leaving a secure occupation for something untested. Or you may be
attracted, if not inwardly directed, toward pursuing a different
spiritual path quite apart for the religion you were brought up in.
Even if you knew that much about your direction, you still know very
little of what lies ahead because you have never explored any of those
areas of your life. Certainly you were once upon a time single, but now
you are twenty years older and a divorced person. Now you're alone.
What do you do next?
Sue was one of those people. She told me that, "if I only knew what to
do, I'd do it." I told her as I will tell you later, do anything. Who
cares what you do? Anything right now is better than nothing. "But I'm
scared," said she, to which I responded, "And so what's your point? Who
isn't scared at some point?" So then I asked her, "If you had a
guarantee that you would be financially taken care of and be with your
(ugh…it hurts even to write this) soul-mate, what would you do?"
"Oh, that's easy. I would go back to school and complete my education. I
have always wanted to be a special education teacher," said she.
I asked her to explain how come she knew her direction so clearly as
soon as she was promised a safe passage. "Well, then I would not have to
try so hard because I would know ahead of time I would succeed".
Sue's response provides yet another clue as to why we claim that we just
don't know what to make a choice at the crossroads - we don't
necessarily want to work harder than we are to organize and maintain the
next stage of our lives, even though we are not content with this one.
As they say, the Devil we know is often better than the Devil we have
yet to meet. One woman told me that she was afraid of failure, which is
why she was afraid to make a choice in life.
Fear of failure is an extremely common explanation people offer when
asked why they can't seem to make even the slightest change in their
patterns. I remember one woman who had a list of complaints, among them
obesity and not knowing what to do next with her life. She told me that
she was afraid of succeeding, (as if there is such a thing). I said
that in my opinion, she liked imagining another life far more than
creating one. She lived in a fantasy world that she had become quite
comfortable in and that she had no real passion to change that. She
simple was too lazy to do anything on the physical world that would make
way for her potential to incarnate.
DO WE HAVE TOO MANY CHOICES?
Could it possibly be that we find end up not knowing what to do next
with our lives because we have too many choices available to us? I mean,
think about it. Not only do we now have license to choose any kind of
lifestyle we want, or any career options, or even parenthood outside
marriage, or anything else we can imagine, we also have unlimited
spiritual resources. But perhaps it is precisely that one fact that
needs a bit of closer inspection.
Unlike opening the door on job options or personal lifestyles, having a
wide berth on whether to pursue one's spiritual path and how to pursue
that has consequences far different than changing careers. A wallet, so
to speak, makes no demands on one's need for silence, or the reason why
Heaven finds it necessary to lead you into a Dark Night of the Soul. It
is worth considering now that more than you consciously realize, the
demands of your spirit have taken the lead over the needs of your
physical life and as such, you find yourself at the crossroads of
choice, and significant life-changing choice, with much greater speed
and intensity than you ever experienced prior to the last four or five
years. Since around 1995 and 1996, some process at work within the
collective unconscious has increased in momentum (which is the word
which comes closest to what I am attempting to describe, while
recognizing that we have yet to find the right words for this
process/unfolding/spiritual evolution/journey toward
enlightenment/personal growth).
We have yet to realize that with every book that directs us inward, not
to mention our conversations and even music that makes us spiritually
receptive, we are re-ordering our spiritual life, and therefore we are
opening ourselves to new spiritual direction apropos all of this
external work. We aren't just reading books - we are LIVING a life that
is a constant retreat. You don't need to travel to the country to
retreat. What do you think you are doing when your daily life is filled
- or even slightly colored by - meditation, some spiritual anything, a
more conscious eating style, an awareness of the need to have positive
as opposed to negative thoughts, a knowledge of the impact of your
thoughts on your health. Do you honestly think this is not living in a
full time state of retreat? How can your life, therefore, be other than
one that is filled with rapid change, spiritual direction, and
ever-increasing crossroads of choice?
The question is, how do you respond to not knowing what to do next when
there is a good chance you are going to feel that way more and more?
PERSONAL GUIDANCE AND SPIRITUAL INSTRUCTION
You are standing at the crossroads of some choice, even as you read
this. You may be thinking that you cannot "find" such a major choice or
that you are unaware of such a huge process in motion. But like so many
other people who stare into blank space when I ask them to describe what
is going on in their lives, you are as much in denial as they are. When
people shrug their shoulders and say, "I can't think of anything", what
they are really saying is, "please don't force me to recognize that this
part of my life is changing". But I am going to encourage you (if not
force you) to evaluate your life for precisely these changes because
this is your inner work the August to September inner work period.
Here are your guidance’s:
1. List the areas of your life that you sense/feel/know are experiencing
changes. List those changes - don't just muse about them. Name them. If
you just can't seem to come up with any, then identify the areas of your
life that you would like to see change. And failing that, list the areas
of your life that you would most fear changing. The important part of
this exercise is to make yourself identify the number of changes that
are already at play in your life because each of them represents a
crossroads.
2. List ten changes that you will consciously commit to initiating in
your life between now and the next Salon (which will come out during the
third wk of September).
3. This is the discipline that will take the work. Listing changes and
observing changes is hard work because awareness is hard work. It may
sound like a simple thing to tell someone to grab a pen and write away,
but this assignment is extremely difficult because as much as we claim
to be in the business of our personal growth process, we do not like to
actual do what is required. Noting changes in our lives, and listing
what we would like to have change, and especially openly declaring what
we fear changing, is massively difficult because of the level of
attention that needs to be poured into the task. It is one thing to say
that you would like to change your car - that is a fun and playful
change and completely qualified, incidentally, as an acceptable answer
in this exercise. (There are no right or wrong choices). It's quite
another matter to discover that change is occurring in your attitude
toward someone. Perhaps you are falling into or out of love with
someone. You may not especially want to admit either end of that
emotional spectrum because what are you going to do once you acknowledge
that? But do you really think that not acknowledging a change in
progress is going to stop that change from occurring? Isn't "becoming
conscious" all about earning the power and insight to participate in
change and choice consciously? It is exercises exactly like these that
are the backbone of the discipline of inner awareness.
4. Note when, how, and why you sabotage yourself in this exercise. You
are not allowed to say that you don't know. You have to answer in
complete sentences.
5. A rule and truth to keep in mind. No matter how many times I
instruct/scream/teach/remind people of this Truth, and no matter how
many heads I see nodding in my direction, supposedly signaling that my
teaching is understood, I have yet to meet more than two people who
really understand that when it comes to making any and all choices at
your crossroads in life, what you choose DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL - NOT IN
THE LEAST. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A RIGHT OR WRONG CHOICE IN LIFE.
THAT IS A SCALE OF MEASUREMENT THAT REFLECTS CONTROL SYSTEMS ACCORDING
TO REWARD AND PUNISHMENT LAWS. WHAT IS OF IMPORTANCE TO THE UNIVERSE IS
NOT WHAT YOU CHOOSE, BUT WHY. YOUR MOTIVATIONS AND YOUR PRIVATE AGENDAS
ARE THE PROCESSES THAT ARE OBSERVED IN YOU FOR THEY ARE THE PROCESSES
THROUGH WHICH YOU POUR EITHER POSTIVE OR NEGATIVE ENERGY INTO THE
EARTH'S SOUL FIELD. YOU CANNOT CHOOSE TO BE IN NEW YORK CITY IF YOU
AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. OH, YOU CAN CERTAINLY MAKE THAT CHOICE AND
ATTEMPT TO GET THERE, BUT REST ASSURED YOU WOULD NOT ARRIVE IF THAT MOVE
WERE NOT ALREADY SCRIPTED INTO YOUR CONTRACT. AND LET'S SAY YOU DIDN'T
CHOOSE TO MOVE TO NEW YORK. RATHE|¨áÑ YOU DECIDED TO STAY PUT BECAUSE YOU
WERE AFRAID OF CHANGING LIVING ENVIRONMENTS, I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE
HEAVENS WILL MAKE YOUR FAMILIAR LIVING ENVIRONMENT COMPLETELY
UNFULFILLING BECAUSE YOU CHOSE OUT OF FEAR AND LACK OF FAITH. AND AT
SOME POINT, YOU WILL HAVE TO MOVE TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY, LIFE, HEALTH,
AND QUALITY OF LIFE. YOU MAY NOT NECESSARILY MOVE TO NEW YORK. BUT YOU
WILL MOVE TO ANOTHER PLACE THAT SERVES THE TEST AS TO WHETHER YOU WOULD
MOVE BASED UPON SPIRITUAL FEELINGS WITHOUT THE BENEFIT OF SPECIFIC
DIRECTIONS. THAT IS THE TEST HEAVEN IS WATCHING.
6. So based upon that, make three choices based solely on your intuitive
direction. You might say that you are out of touch with your intuitive
direction, in which case, say that prayer, "I have no idea what to
choose, therefore (God/Lord/name your devotion), lead and I will follow.
I release my will to your wisdom). If you cannot say that prayer, then
make note of why and there in you will find the beginning to the
guidance heaven in giving you in terms of what your wisest choice in
that situation would be.
7. Finally, you cannot fool the heavens. You might think that making a
small choice is a protection from inviting large change into your life.
Here is what's true, and it is both the good news and the bad news:
There is no such thing as a small choice because every choice you make
sets all the wheels of your life in motion. You can say, "Well, what
exactly qualifies for a choice? What I am having for dinner? What I am
wearing today? Which road I take to work?" - after all, these three
examples are choices. True. And they all qualify IF THEY ARE MADE
CONSCIOUSLY. For example, "What am I having for dinner?" Consider the
answer against the scale of what would be the healthiest nutrition for
you. How much does your will power cooperate with your feeding your body
well or do you sabotage your nutrition and make up excuses as to why you
should be allowed to cheat on your diet? And be mindful that choosing
to eat consciously for just one day shifts your relationship to how you
eat and how you handle the nutritional needs for the rest of your life.
So you see, there is no such thing as a small or insignificant choice.
This fact should also be your comfort because when you do - and you will
- find yourself at a life crossroad, remind yourself that if you cannot
yet sense what you perceive as guidance on the major issues facing you,
then make one choice that changes something else in your life. Choose to
walk a few blocks a day; choose to read a book that makes you feel good;
take a few days off; clean out your closet (symbolic of cleaning the
psyche). Every choice has power - always remember that.
WOW!.............
TOPIC FOR SEPTEMBER'S SALON: NARCISSISM: ESSENTIAL TO SPIRITUAL
DEVELOPMENT AND (OFTEN) LETHAL TO PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS