I feel lonely. I am depressed. I just visited the silentlambs website and do not know how they chat there, if they even do at all. Anyone else understand my need to cry right now. have you ever really said too much that caused such a stir and people to try and cause you real problems....?
Is there anybody out there?
by Cat-er-daynightfever 6 Replies latest jw friends
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Black Sheep
Welcome to the board.
Yes, I do get a bit like that sometimes and I am very good at saying too much and upsetting other peoples sensibilities.
I have to learn to keep my mouth/keyboard in control.
Cheers
Chris
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cyberdyne systems 101
Hey if you need to talk go for it, I offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
CS 101
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Cat-er-daynightfever
thanks for answering my call for communication with a live person. I am suffering from severe PTSD. I have been triggered much and I have said things people usually take out of context in ways that make me infamous to others. Sometimes I'd like to be euthanized for safe measure. I understand that there is some place through the SLb's group that if I need to run away and hide from civilization I can. I wonder if they will help me if my husband dies. I would need real friends then. My family are either abusive people or JWs. One of them is a flagrant apostate who raped my father. Anyway, I just don't want to be around those kind of people. I want to be around my mother and younger brother, but, as you, the whole Dfg thing is what I get even from them. I want to be around people, but I say the most strange of things due to the PTSD I suffer. Is there any light at the end of the tunnel?
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cyberdyne systems 101
I have to admit ignorance to the condition, maybe you can explain more on that one please. Are you recently shunned from your loved ones? Do you have any other friends you can turn to during this time? Right now my own circumstances are that I have two distant people i'm friendly with and my two girls. I crave adult conversation and feel bottled up for the most part. I tend to throw myself into something to take my mind off it. Like Bible research, WTS research (helps to want to find out why one feels the way we do because of the Witnesses) and then other hobbies, sometimes I dont want to make any effort, but letting the mind wander often produces negative thoughts for me. In any case never feel you cant rant and talk here, your always welcome.
CS 101
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Cat-er-daynightfever
P: Post T:Traumatic S: Stress D: Disorder
It is a viable disability in the United States and the government accepts. It usually happens to those who suffer from great traumas. Like being forced to leave the B-org when we're good people who always try to do right. For instance, I was molested and raped by my father, my older brothers beat me, and I have been raped. When I go into situations that just happen to remind me of certain wounds and tend to say way too much and beyond. People are very turned off by this and are scared to be around a 'crazy' person. If I could just die peacefully in my sleep and never have to wake up to this horrific world, I would be better off. I would have finally found peace as long as God (I do still believe in God.) is really and truly the way that Jesus describes. After leaving the b-org just a year ago, banished for what amounted to my needing to get married due to my degrading mental health. Every day I stayed a witness I came closer to committing suicide because I inadvertently received the blame for being molested and men didn't want me no matter how decent I was personally.
Right now, I have to stay awake until my husband gets up around 5 AM American CST.
I don't know if you have ever been blamed for what the evildoer has done to you. An abuse victim will generally project the blame upon him/herself. I always believed I was somehow bad. Being df'd has not made me feel any better. It makes me feel that these slanderers who do not understand my way of speaking when triggered might have some substance to what they are saying; even though, I, personally, have never done any other human any wrong. I just wish that I could hide away from people and never come out, but I need them.
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cyberdyne systems 101
I really feel for you, and can relate to the feelings of self blame. I think regardless of what happened to us, being in the Borg creates that feeling in a person, and i'm guessing your own experiences have magnified that even further for you. Its a catch 22 situation isnt it, you need people but they intensify the feelings you have due to the belief system they are in too. I think its worth remembering how it was to be under that mind control for them. They are not maybe in themselves bad people (though some most deffinitely are) but do things no sane person would wilst they are under that influence. One thing that you mentioned is you married your now husband, is he supportive and loving?, can you turn to him about this? To have just one person in your life that is special and can be trusted and be your best friend is enough. Often I find that part of a solution is talking about it, puting things into words can have the effect of sifting through and sorting things out, it doesnt remove the issues but can bring some needed relief and understanding, facing it head on, so the pain isnt so intense.
CS 101