small world

by Mulan 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mulan

  At this moment, I am at my cousin's home. Many of you know she is dying of cancer, and today I am taking care of her. The hospice aide arrived a short while ago, to give her a shower, and I answered the door. I recognized her immediately as a woman, who was disfellowshipped 25 years ago, from our old congregation. She was hesitant to talk to me, until I told her we were also "out". She was trying to figure out how to tell me she was df'd. So, I let her off the hook.

  We spent the next half hour catching up on our kids and their kids too, and I told her about my cousin, the patient, being disfellowshipped, and we all laughed and told stories, until we all realized she had to get the shower done. So, they are doing that now.

  I just had to share!! Small world. A few years ago, I would have been horrified to have her here. Now, I have reacquainted with an old friend.

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
• 

  Billygoat

  Mulan,

  One of these days I hope to meet some of my old JW friends and get caught up. I think it wonderful that you got to sit and share with an old friend! Thanks for sharing with us!

  Andi
• 

  VeniceIT

  WOW that's great!!!

  Give Sharon our love!!

  Ven
• 

  individuals wife

  Don't stories like this just make you go all warm and fuzzy!

  I had a nice experience myself just recently, a sister from my old congregation was walking down the road towards me and as usual I was ready for the shunning and the sideward glance, but this time, wow - she came over and said ' Hey, J, I can talk to you now, I am being disfellowshipped!'. We immediately hugged and she came straight back to my house for a coffee and a long chat. It felt so good to reclaim an old friend. Yet after she went home I had time to reflect... she was only talking to me because of her own circumstances, her friendship was conditional, she had shunned me repeatedly and that had hurt. What was this friendship based on??

  I have not made much of an effort to spend too much time with her as I still feel that if she had not been df'd she would still be shunning me. That hurts. And she still believes a lot of the 'truth' and will not hear anything said against it, she believes that she was df'd with good cause. Maybe one day she will be more open to criticism of the religion but it is still early days for her. And for me too, it will take a while for the trust between us to return.
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  Mulan

  Maybe I can help here, individuals wife. This gal, told us that she would look away when we saw her in the store, because it hurt her so much to be shunned. She said there was a time at a park, when a sister told her she wouldn't talk to her OR to her children. She went home in tears, and vowed to not get put in a difficult situation again. Maybe that is what happened with your friend too. She never felt she was shunning, but was protecting herself from being shunned.

  Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
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  individuals wife

  Mulan - yes, I can really identify with your comment, I also perform some sort of 'damage limitation' now when I see a JW coming towards me, it is almost as though we are trying to 'out-shun' each other, almost like a contest to see who can be the most convincing shunner!

  In the beginning I did make an effort to appear approachable, putting a smile on my face and looking open to conversation, even a nod of the head. My enthusiasm has since waned, I no longer even try to break through those barriers, what is the point of trying?

  I can identify with the girl you speak of when you say that she went home in tears vowing never to get put in a difficult situation again... it got to that point with me also. It is emotionally exhausting to be shunned as regularly as I am, living as I do in a small community, if I was not able to let their shunning be as water off a ducks back I doubt whether I would be able to cope. All I do now is pity them for their prejudiced attitude and get on with living my life.