So How Bad Is It To Be DF'd Really Then?

by Englishman 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Englishman

  I've never regretted getting myself disfellowshipped.

  For me it was a definite pre-meditated action. I had realised months earlier that my belief in the teachings of the WTBTS was at a total zero. I simply could not face another meeting, another hour in the ministry, another Watchtower telling me that yet another activity was likely to distract me from WT teachings.

  My parents were already besides themselves with worry, I think that when they heard that I had been DF'd it was almost a relief to them. In a way I was cruel to be kind to us all, although I made it very plain to them that I considered their decision to disown me as being their choice. Don't give me any crap about obeying the Scriptures please, this is YOU who is doing this!

  Although I am against DF'ing because it splits families, it has also protected me from unwanted shepherding attention from JW's in general, and in the end my JW Mum and I have decided never to mention the religion to each other. I have at last got my loved ones to ignore the WT edicts on DF'ing, so what power has DF'ing over me now?

  In the end, the punishment meted out by the WTBTS has been nothing more than an own goal on their part. There are plenty of so-so JW's who seek out my company and I tell them all about 1975, the FDS fiasco and all about paedophiles. They, for their part, get a little frisson of naughty excitement after talking with someone as dangerous as me!

  Thank you, WTBTS, for protecting me from the likes of you!

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
• 

  joelbear

  The immediate affect of DFing for me was devastating since I had no real contacts outside the Watchtower organization and was extremely sheltered from the real world. I had a series of emotional breakdowns over the 3 years after I was disfellowshipped that almost led to me being institutionalized. You simply cannot measure the affect of taking someone's entire social support structure away from them.

  Now, I would say I am probably more of an extreme case, since I took my involvement with the witnesses so seriously. I really had no friends that were not witnesses up until just before I got disfellowshipped.

  It was not until I began to build a new social support structure for myself that I was able to recover and lead a somewhat happy and normal life.

  Now, after 13 years, my DFing only really affects me in that it keeps me from having a relationship with my oldest niece who is like a sister to me. She is inactive and has been for years, but still obeys the shunning rule with regard to DFing. What is really frustrating is that she freely associates with "worldly" relatives and other inactive JW relatives, some of whom smoke, go to church, etc.

  I miss a few of my JW friends. There are probably a dozen or so that I would love to have as part of my life again, so my DFing also keeps me from them.

  This forum has resurrected in me something that had been dead for a long time. I can't really explain it other than to say I feel a sense of brotherhood and happiness here that I do not get from being around my workmates or bear friends.

  hugs

  Joel
• 

  bboyneko 2

  Now, I would say I am probably more of an extreme case, since I took my involvement with the witnesses so seriously. I really had no friends that were not witnesses up until just before I got disfellowshipped.

  My mom reacted the same way to being dfed. I'd say yours is a typical, rather than atypical reaction

  -Dan
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  AMarie

  I think I have to agree with Joelbear on the effects of disfellowshipping. I also took the religion very seriously and kept minimal contacts outside of the organization until a few months before I was disfellowshipped. When it finally happened, I went through months of deep depression, not because I felt like I failed god in anyway, but because everything was taken from me. My family, friends, identity, self-esteem...everything. It's been a difficult two years, but I can say it's getting alot better. I've never been able to convince my family to see things my way, but I have made true, unconditional friends outside of that bullshit organization. I think my boyfriend/fiance, Phillip, was sent to me from god. He's really helped ground me and has been very understanding of what I'm going through. The future, for the first time in my life, holds alot of promise. Thank GOD I'm not a witness.
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  drloss

  I resigned (disassociated)14 years ago. Being a 30 something third generation JW my ONLY associates outside dubdom were work mates. At the time it was tough but I picked myself up, dusted myself off and got on with LIFE. (deep breath - aaagh) Freedom tastes sooo good. Best thing I ever did - as a dub I moved 4,000 kms to get away from my mother in law and that wasn't far enough, she still visited once a year but for weeks at a time. Haven't had to speak to her for 14 years ...... such sweet bliss.
• 

  Englishman

  I think that you have to let your old friends go when you cease to associate, whatever the reason for doing so.

  If I run into an old JW friend I feel that I am talking to someone who is stuck in a timewarp, they are so tut-tutty and comdemning of everything and everyone that I find most of them quite nauseating.

  Englishman.

  ..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.
• 

  D wiltshire

  All in all it wasn't that bad for me, I don't have a problem with making new freinds and that helps i also have lots of things that keep me busy.

  Most of my family still keep in touch but are alittle more distant. I truly feel for those whose family follow the hard line of WT policy.

  I'll defend your right to say it, but it doesn't mean I beleive it.