Telephone "witnessing"

NikL

The following presentations have been making the rounds at the local hall and on Dub e mail. I thought I might post them for your edification.
If you get a call and someone starts giving you one these spiels you can have some good answers ready perhaps.
Anyway,
here goes...

TELEPHONE WITNESSING

Hello, my name is______________. I'm a volunteer Bible student and the reason I called you today is because I'm unable to come and see you personally. I'm interested in getting your view on whether a genuinely happy life is possible. What do you think? (Pause) The Bible tells us it is at Psalms 1:1, 2. (read) You can see the importance of studying the Bible so I would like to offer you a free home Bible study. There is no charge and it takes only 15 minutes a week for 16 weeks. I would be glad to bring the brochure we use to your home.

Hello, my name is_______________. I know you don't know me. I'm making a special effort to contact people in your area to share a thought from the Bible. I would like to read the promise found at Rev. 21:4 (read) Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could see that time come? I have enjoyed reading this to you. If you have enjoyed it too, I would like to call again and discuss another scripture.

ANSWERING MACHINE:

My name is____________and I'm calling to share the Bible's hope for the future. The scripture I was going to share with you is in Psalms 37:11, 29. I hope you get a chance to read it and I'll call you at another time.

I'm sorry that I did not find you at home. If you would like to hear a Bible-based discussion of (title of public talk), please come to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses. The public is invited. No collections are ever taken. (Then state the day, time and location of the meeting.)

COMF

it takes only 15 minutes a week for 16 weeks

Is this for real? 15 minutes? Have they quit doing hour-long bible studies?

Moxy

Is this for real? 15 minutes? Have they quit doing hour-long bible studies?

oh yes, a require brochure study is to be 15 minutes normally. initially even less. of course, the hour-long knowledge book studies follow necessarilly. of course in practice, since the majority of studies in english north america are non-english speaking, that 15 minutes gets stretched a lot in attempts to explain the material across the language gap.

mox

Vitameatavegamin

Hi!

My understanding of the telephone witnessing thing is because of all the no trespassing signs, which JWs are discouraged from entering posted properties. They figure if they can't ever get them door to door, they will start calling now. I'm sure there is more reasoning on this matter, such as many people at work, etc.

I personally could never do telephone witnessing. I hate telemarketers as it is- I would be really pissed if I recieved a call like that! Just my opinion-thanks!!

Thirdson

I chewed out a telemarketer from MNBA this evening for calling after I requested not be called. I'm ready.

TELEPHONE WITNESSING

Caller: Hello, my name is sister Knowitall. I'm a volunteer Bible student and the…

Me: Is that like a volunteer firefighter?

Caller: Huh?

Me: A volunteer firefighter? You know, not a professional but does an OK job?

Caller: No I’m a Bible student and a volunteer.

Me: Oh, I’m a volunteer TV watcher

Caller: Well......the reason I called you today is because I'm unable to come and see you personally.

Me: I’m sorry to hear you are not well.

Caller: Umm, I'm interested in getting your view on whether a genuinely happy life is possible. What do you think?

Me: I am very happy so I think a happy life is possible. Are you happy?

Caller: Er yes, er because the Bible tells us it is at Psalms 1:1, 2. (reads it) You can see the importance of studying the Bible so I would like to offer you a free home Bible study. There is no charge and it takes only 15 minutes a week for 16 weeks

Me: No thanks, usually there is no charge for free things, besides I can study the Bible for 15 hours a week and it is still free. Have I been pre-approved for this?

Caller: No, well yes, everyone is approved for this. I would be glad to bring the brochure we use to your home.

Me: A brochure? Is this to sell me more studies?

Caller: No, this brochure is what we study.

Me: I thought you offered a study of the Bible?

Caller: It is, but we use a brochure as well.

Me: I already have a study system of my own and my own beliefs,

Caller: No doubt you do. But regardless of our religion we are affected by many of the same problems..

Me: Like annoying telemarketers?

Caller: Huh? I’m not selling anything.

Me: But you’re annoying.

Caller: WELL WE believe we have an urgent and life saving work

Me: So your religion can save me?

Caller: Yes,

Me: I’m already saved and I’m going to live in heaven.

Caller: We believe that everyone will be resurrected to live on Earth.

Me: That doesn’t sound as good as my current religion. So it’s not very tempting. Do you offer a low introductory penitence rate.

Caller: I’m sorry you seem to be wasting my time.

Me: Your time, what about my time? Can I talk to your supervisor?

Caller: Why?

Me: So I can be removed from your list.

Caller: Uhmmm, I don’t have a supervisor, I’ll report that you don’t want to be called on. Bye

'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'

Stephanus

Dammit, Thirdson, you beat me to this one - same style and everything. However, here is my answer to the same problem -

Dub: Hello, my name is Arnold Beaglesniffer.

Me: I'm very sorry to hear that!

Dub: <ahem> Er, yes. Anyway, I'm a volunteer Bible student...

Me. A volunteer? You mean you are doing this for absolutely no personal reward whatsoever?

Dub: Yes.

Me: No payment at all?

Dub: No

Me: You mean you won't record any of the time you spend in this conversation in hope of compensation in some future paradise?

Dub: <harumph!> Moving right along... the reason I called you today is because I'm unable to come and see you personally.

Me: Oh, that is too bad. Have you got something fatal? Not so bad that you can't push buttons on a phone touchpad, I see. Don't your people give you time off from this volunteer work when you're too sick to exert yourself in personal visits?

Dub: Er, I can see you're busy - perhaps some other time <click>

Tina

(((((((((3rdson))))))))))) bwaaaaahaha I love it!! If I get a phone call,I'm going to use your format lol. Ecellent thoughts (as always). Thank you! luv,T

Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."