I found this in another thread and thought it needed more attention. This describes my falling away to a T and explains so much about who I am today...
Anyone else have anything else to say on this?
THE BOMB
(Walkaways & Castaways)
When members of an exclusive, mind controlling group are forced out of the group as believers, or walk away as believers, something happens to them that affects everyone around them. Since my own personal experience was with the group known as Jehovah's Witnesses, this will be my reference point for this article.
I have had the experience of noting that when some people are active Jehovah's Witnesses, they "hate" everybody and everything that is not a Jehovah's Witnesses, just as they are told to do by the group leaders. (I have much evidence to support this statement.) Then something happens at the local Kingdom Hall and the person who hated everybody and everything that was not a Jehovah's Witnesses, now is also angry with the Jehovah's Witnesses. They become more or less angry all the time. Any seeming normal behavior is forced, and the next explosion is uneasily waiting just below the surface, like a well-camouflaged land mine, waiting for someone to trip the trigger.
The most aggressive defenders of the Watchtower Society that I have ever met were the believing walkaways and the believing castaways. They are running on guilt, fear, and anger. They are like a loyal, well trained, blood thirsty, attack dog who has been getting all his needs met by one master since birth and then the master rejects him.
When this happens to a Jehovah's Witnesses, they have a deep, deep feeling of loneliness that reaches to the very depths of their being. They feel alone and unwanted and since they are only trained to do one thing... hate... kill... with words, with looks, or with actions, they lash out at whoever tries to befriend them. Living becomes a survival issue and everyone is a player for the other team. Willpower is useless to them, and willpower is useless on them.
This stage may continue until death or until a crisis allows for their defenses to be lowered enough for the start of a complete mental change. The defending walkaway / castaway has a radical problem and it requires a radical solution. They are suffering from a condition that tells them that they failed, that they are at fault, and there are no friends out there to help.
The mental pain is so intense that many, if not most, resort to some drug or behavior to self-medicate. To be in the same room with this person is to risk a confrontation. There are a set of rules, like invisible lines, for existence in the same world as the walkaway / castaway and they do their best to keep these rules secret... until someone steps outside of the line.
Life with such a person is a trial. Husbands, wives, children, and others, trapped by circumstance, hopefully can survive with the knowledge of the situation until an opportunity for a change arises. Sometimes the change is a rather sudden "un-snapping," but more often it is a gradual thing, occurring over a period of time. Confrontations need to be avoided. During the defending-believing stage, associates of the walkaways / castaways, need to be aware that they are set up as potential enablers of destructive behaviors. The participation as an enabler will only increase the length of time "the bomb" stage will last.