Why Not Forgive God, It's His First Time Too!?

bigmouth

Some tips I've learned from Jehovah on how to be a father:

If the kid makes ONE mistake,banish him, just get him out of the house.
If anyone else pisses me off they can go play with the kid.
When the kid has children, they can suffer the same punishment as their father, forever.
Don't talk to me, I'm busy. Here read this letter. Yes I know it's long but I'm going to let you have 6000 years to figure me out. NO! I'm not going to give you the facts!
If you want me to be your father you're going to have to draw close to me first.
I am NOT going to protect you from starvation and disease until you learn to play nicely.
Stop whinging! If you can't take any more, just top yourself. Weakling.
Because I'm God! That's why! After all I've done for you, this is the thanks I get!?
Don't blame me, this is Adams fault and you kids are just like him.

OpenFireGlass

... Oh and by the way, this hurts me more than it hurts you....

Gretchen956

My dear I do believe you have captured it! LOL

Sherry

tetrapod.sapien

... Oh and by the way, this hurts me more than it hurts you....

so true! he wouldn't be the first abusive parent to say that! ts

unclebruce

Passing hoon : leans out chevy window "Hey, Jehovah, I bet if you torture that kid he'll disown you in ten seconds flat!"

Father Jehovah: Bullsh*t! Look here I'll prove it - FJ grabs kids teddy, throws it to the neighbours rottwelier and prceeds to jump up and down on baby Job's tricycle ...

Jehovah's kid:

Passing hoon: ...gooooffaw .. my work is done...smiles and drives on to his next 'victim'™

dvw

yep, thats the way i see it. i always got pissed off when the borg. said how approachable god was. right.

plus, they would say, "see how beautiful nature is? (insert pictures of cuddly animals here) this reflects how kind and loving god is!" of course it does, ever see an aligator eat one of the aformentioned cuddly animals. jehovah is good!