What are real friendships about?

NiecyMe

After years of not involving myself as a JW...I felt the need to go to church. I couldn't believe the political and just blatten idolism. So, I left after awhile. I stayed friends with some of the people..but, I am realizing that they are no different then the JW's. I like to call them the bible banging snobs. I thought that they were my friends, but as I continued in my new college education I found friends that I connected better with in the Art world. I finally fit in. And to those that have been JW's all thier lives they know what I mean. Anyway, I am moving..and this is my opprotunity to just silently disappear from these people. I am feeling that I am not being very nice but, I really enjoy my new friends...should I just tell my bible banger "friends" that I have moved on or just disappear quitely? I am 34 years old and I have so many problems with friendships..does anyone else share this with me? I can't seem to fight my damn lonelyness.

cognizant dissident

Welcome to the forum NiecyMe:

I'm feeling very lonely for friends right now too. I've been a JW my whole life and had many good friends, but of course, all JW's. Now that I no longer believe, I find I have absolutely nothing in common and nothing to talk about with my friends any longer. Since, I work at home, in my own business, I don't meet a lot of people at work either. So I'm feeling lonely for friends right now too. I hope, that as I make a life for myself outside of the org, I will be able to make some new friends who I have more in common with. I'm trying to develop some new hobbies and interests that I never had time for when I had to go to all the meetings. I've already started to meet some great new people. If I get too lonely, I post on this board. It helps me feel less alone and everyone on this forum instantly knows where you're coming from, because most of them have been there too.

Glad you found some new "Art" friends. Those are the best kind. Feel free to come back when your feeling lonely. There's always someone to talk too.

Cog.

serendipity

HI niecy,

I can relate. I don't have any friends, besides a few work buddies. Since I'm a fringe JW, I don't fit in that world (not that I ever did.)

At least you're taking some steps to cultivate new friends. It will take time. But you know, if you get anything out of the relationships with your former church friends, it may be worthwhile hanging on to them. All friends don't have to be best friends.

Finally-Free

I was lonely and without friends as a JW, and eventually got used to it. It's been so long since I had "friends" I probably wouldn't know what to do with them if I found some. I don't enjoy spending much time around people any more.

W

What-A-Coincidence

me too ff.

BlackSwan of Memphis

Ok well first:

Welcome to the board Niecy.

And 2.

Making friends can be a real challenge. Sometimes it is much easier to come up with great ideas (ie getting out to various community activities, joining clubs whatever) then it is to do them. But I do know that I have 2 friends with success stories resulting from getting involved with a local group/club designed for people with certain interests.

and 3

Niecy, do you dislike the bible thumpin' crowd? Or do you just not feel you have enough in common to look past what bugs you?

Either way:

I have had a few people make it quite clear to me, by not returning phone calls or emails, that they are not interested in a friendship. Yeah, it sort of sucks. But my life is filled with really wonderful people and I got over it. If you are pretty secure in these new friendships and you don't want to continue you could always dissapear.

On the other hand, you could see it as a personal challenge to dig a little deeper and see if there is anything else you could enjoy in those bible thumper friends of yours. What can you offer them in terms of friendship and vice versa that is not based on the things you are used to basing relationships on? just another option

either way good luck, and welcome

meagan

greendawn

We don't need to have a very large circle of friends most ppl keep 5-10 close friends to carry out their social life with. Then it depends on psychological types like attracts like, as they say: birds of a feather flock together. And the JWs collectively represent a certain psychological type.

sass_my_frass

Hi love, I've found that my greatest friends are people who accept me the way I am, and are not dependent on a common interest. They're out there, and not all cornered in one cult here or a church there. Bad friends are everywhere though; people who need some kind of validation from you in order to keep your friendship credits in balance... they're not real friends. You can safely lose these people and not have it affect your life. If you want to stay in touch, just gather some email addresses or something and see if they ever make an effort too. If not, don't beat yourself up about it, there are so many people who will like you and be your friend just because you're you. Look for people who enjoy life!

Es

I hear you....i dont have many friends which is totally by choice.....i cant be bothered with it all really.

Im the type of person that its the little things for me, i dont know like remembering my bday, something small like that. There are only a few of my friends that take the time out to do that.I think i have very high expectations of people. But in return they get that off me, get me????

I tend to have a friends for a while and then move on, I only have a couple that i have really held on to.

Wish you well

es

whyizit

There's a saying about true friends. They are the ones who see you make a fool of yourself, but don't feel you did a permanent job.

That is how it is with my true friends. When my best buddy became involved with the JWs, I was a little hurt by some of the things she said and did (which is why I started to look into what it was all about). She didn't send me a birthday card last year, for the first time in 30 years. That hurt, but I didn't say anything to her about it. I can see her being pulled apart by these things. I'm not going to make her feel worse.

My friendship with her is beyond religion, holidays, or anything else. She is a family member I picked for myself. More of a sister than a friend. We have been in arguments, but we always find our way back. I'm not going to let the WTS take her away. She's already lost some family because of them, but I've got the WTS's number, and I'm not going to let them find any reason to make her quit associating with me. I trust her and she trusts me.

There are lots of phonies out there. Many freinds come and go, they change with the interests they are involved with. The ones who stay in touch through all the changes, those are the real keepers! If you can find one or two, you are doing great! Quality, not quantity. And enjoy the others that come along too. They all have something to offer, even if they don't stick around very long. Sometimes they are the ones that show you the type of friend you don't want to be or have. Something can be said for that too! :0)

Don't forget to try to be the kind of friend you want to attract. You get as good as you give.

What are real friendships about?

Share this