They speak!

by SickofLies 6 Replies latest social humour

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  SickofLies

  I have been on a missionary assignment given to me by our holy FSM! I posted the following messages aroun 130 times in different discussion boards:

  Have you ever looked up at the night sky and wondered how we got here?
  
  Some people say that science can give us all the answers, but everyone knows scientist have been wrong in the past and that what scientist believe today isn’t what they will believe tomorrow. So therefore we can successfully conclude that nothing science teaches can possibly be true, think about it, it’s all very logical! If you enjoy this kind of logic, then join the largest growing most logical religions on the planet, Pastafarianism at your local church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Our beliefs are fully backed by people with PhD’s, prominent political figures and coming soon Tom Cruise. Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, learn the truth about the Universe join today!
  
  www.venganza.org

  The word Pastafarianism literally means "the study of Pasta." It comes from the Latin word "pasta" meaning "knowing in the fullest sense of the word" and the Greek word "farianism" meaning "study of." Pastafarianism is the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, others and all of life. The Pastafarianism religion comprises a body of knowledge extending from certain fundamental truths. Prime among these:
  
  Man is an immortal, spiritual being. His experience extends well beyond a single lifetime. His capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized — and those capabilities can be realized. He is able to not only solve his own problems, accomplish his goals and gain lasting happiness, but also achieve new, higher states of awareness and ability. In Pastafarianism no one is asked to accept anything as belief or on faith. That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true. An individual discovers for himself that Pastafarianism works by personally applying its principles and observing or experiencing results.
  
  Through Pastafarianism, people all over the world are achieving the long-sought goal of true spiritual release and freedom.
  
  Would you like to learn more about this exciting belief and join the church of FSM?
  
  www.venganza.org

  Here are some of the responces:
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  SickofLies

  "Some people say that science can give us all the answers"
  
  We all know pollution is killing Planet Earth, yet science cannot stop our inexorable suicide. We have thrived by science, and will die from it, as well.
  
  "...but everyone knows scientist have been wrong in the past and that what scientist believe today isn’t what they will believe tomorrow."
  
  So far, they cannot adequately explain the Universe. Some think they can, but they cannot. What is the Universe? Where does it end? What exists beyond its limits?
  
  "So therefore we can successfully conclude that nothing science teaches can possibly be true, think about it, it’s all very logical!"
  
  No, much of science is true. The point is, however, it can never disprove the existence of God. It can never ascend to such ominous certainty. The more Man learns, the more he learns what he can NEVER learn.
  
  "If you enjoy this kind of logic, then join the largest growing most logical religions on the planet, Pastafarianism at your local church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."
  
  Don't smoke dried horse-dung. It's lethal to the lungs. White con-artists sell it to drunken Injuns where I come from. It's a bad trip.
  
  "Our beliefs are fully backed by people with PhD’s, prominent political figures and coming soon Tom Cruise."
  
  Fug'n idiot. Scientology is the Devil's work.
  
  
  "Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, learn the truth about the Universe join today!"
  
  BUY A GUN FOR AMERICA.
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  SickofLies

  "Have you ever looked up at the night sky and wondered how we got here?"
  
  No, I wondered how the stars got there - I already know how we got here in a general sense..
  
  "Some people say that science can give us all the answers, but everyone knows scientist have been wrong in the past and that what scientist believe today isn’t what they will believe tomorrow."
  
  Science does not 'believe' - it accepts evidence as fact once proven. If new evidence comes to light the facts may change - it's called a quest for truth and is why we are not still sitting around campfires eating hunks of meat and beating each other with clubs and barking at the moon. Science is not satisfied with the traditional explanation with evidence.
  
  "So therefore we can successfully conclude that nothing science teaches can possibly be true, think about it, it’s all very logical!"
  
  You are talking philosophy now. I've heard this one before...how can we be sure of anything, right? Well for everyday practical purposes like treating your erectile dysfunction, using a combustion engine or sending an email science does a pretty damn good job of representing the truth. For those with bigger minds than us mere humans - go ahead and debate reality itself...
  
  "If you enjoy this kind of logic, then join the largest growing most logical religions on the planet, Pastafarianism at your local church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster."
  
  The most logical religion would be no religion at all - religion is by definition illogical since it involves belief without empirical evidence....are you trolling or are you serious about this Pastafarianism thing?
• 

  SickofLies

  The true religion is, of course, the one led by me, Pastor Richards. Yours is blasphemery. Your kind of thinking is exactly why I'm building the Pastor Richards Salvation Statue. Noah hand an ark, Texans had the Alamo, and I am building a highly fortified structure in my image. Simple. This 50 story statue will be able to deflect alpha, gamma, and beta radiation. The day is coming, and coming soon, when the Artificial Suns will rain down to punish the degenerates of this city. But you can save yourself. The Pastor Richards Salvation Statue will be a completely self-sufficient community. We have canned food rations, private living quarters, and enough supplies to survive happily the predicted 40,000 years of nuclear winter. In phase 2, and with funding from NASA, we will equip this massive statue with rockets. So when the poopy hits the proverbial fan, we will load up the statue with all of the people who saved themselves through generous donations, blast into space, and colonize Saturn with a race of morally correct, affluent people - ruled by ME.
  
  It is written: chapter 23, verse 5 of my book, he that gambles his money away is a fool. But he that believes in me will go to spend eternity in space with other affluent, well-to-do people. It's that simple. Do what I say and you won't have to think for yourself.
  
  Mark my words! Anyday now, you're sitting in school, passing notes, and talking about the prom when suddenly you look out the window and there are Russian paratroopers dropping in to take over. What can you do? Run into the woods with your friends? Call yourselves The Wolverines? Put twigs in your hair and beat back the Russkies? No... You hightail it to Pastor Richards Salvation Statue and blast off into space! But there is a limited amount of space. That's why I suggest anyone who wants the safety and security of your own bunker, give now. Call 866-9SAVEME. We'll get you on the payment plan and if you're paid in full on D-day, you and your family will be safe! If not, you may have to choose to save yourself and leave the others behind.
  
  And remember, believe in me... or else.
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  SickofLies

  You already have faith if you believe anything you have never seen is true...I have heard and I accept you into my heart Jesus.

  Now you will see for yourself the power of Christ!
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  SickofLies

  I would like to tell you that i was very offended by your letter, and would like to join the 5% that believes you are going to hell. I did not at all appreciate the way you dipict those who beleive something other than you. Jack ass.
  P.S. I hope your genitals fall off and are eaten by three-legged mice with squirrel tails.
  P.S.S Ninjas are way cooler than pirates. Jack ass.

  you're an idiot. I'll pray for you.
  -Andrew Schmitt
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  SickofLies

  Do not push God too far.
  Hhe only has so much patience.
  God Bless
  
  Don Elflein