The "farm-to-market" roads have seven lanes.
If you want to be a snob about your grocery shopping, you can go to a
Randall's Flagship, a Kroger Signature, a Rice Epicurean, or soon, an HEB
Central Market to buy bread and milk (but you have to dress up!)
You have to turn on the air conditioning in January, two days after a low of
29 degrees.
You have a Roach Story: You opened your flatware drawer to find a roach the
size of the Taco Bell chihuahua. He stood up and looked you in the eye. You
closed the drawer, bought new flatware -- and stored it in the oven.
When you see your neighbor dancing around the front yard, you don't think
he's won the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes; you know he just stepped
in a fire ant bed.
"Luv ya Blue" still makes you smile, even if you did run the Oilers out of
town.
You know that the Astrodome will always be the Eighth Wonder of the World.
You come to work in short-sleeves and walk out at noon to find that a
"blue-tailed norther" has blown through, and the temperature has dropped 40
degrees in a matter of minutes.
You wander into a section of town where you can't read the street signs
because they're written in Asian characters instead of English, but you
don't care because you can get great prices on fake designer merchandise
there.
You go to an art festival on Westheimer and you're almost run down by two
cross-dressers on roller blades, holding hands.
The "Killer Bees" are not stinging insects.
You hear everything but English spoken when you go to the Galleria to
window-shop.
You know that "Dad gummit" has nothing to do with your father's failure to
practice good dental hygiene.
You think "Y'all" is perfectly good usage if you're referring to more than
one person.
Spring is not the season, Katy is not the lady, and 1960 is not the year.
Society matrons of "a certain age" still sport big hair, and faces that have
gone east, west, and north rather than south.
You can leave your house, head out of town, and an hour later you still
haven't left the city limits. (During rush hour, you haven't left your
neighborhood.)
You've never seen I-45 in any condition other than under-construction -- and
you've lived here for 20-30 years.
If the humidity is below 90 percent, it's a good hair day.
You know that "Clutch City" has nothing to do with automobile transmissions.
"The Dream" is not a fantasy.
The only real Mexican food is Tex-Mex.
You know that while saving you money, "Mattress Mac" has amassed more than
the U.S. Treasury has.
You're happy to have beaten Los Angeles out of a football team, but you'd
rather that they keep the title of "Smog Capital."
You see nothing unusual about an 80-something former sheriff's deputy who
wears a white pompadour toupee and blue sunglasses, mispronounces names,
allows televising of his frequent plastic surgeries, seems unnaturally
obsessed with slime in the ice machine, and screams, "MAR-VIN ZIND-ler,
EYE-witness news" into a television camera every night. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Houston
YOU KNOW YOUR FROM HOUSTON WHEN....
by blindersoff 3 Replies latest social humour
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blindersoff
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Jourles
Yep, know about quite a few of those. Here's a few I would add to the list:
- When deciding the name of the new football team, the name "Houston Topless Bars" came up for discussion.
- You know how to pronounce "Kuykendahl," but wonder, where in the hell is the R?
- Papasito's is the defining Mexican cuisine experience.
- Most people think that every restaurant that starts with "Papa" is the best.
- (stolen from above) The JEC, Jewelry Exchange Center, does not have one single business owner located inside with English as their first language.
- You've honestly felt for a long time that there probably is a Redneck Roy living in a trailer in Pasadena.
- And Clear Lake got its name how?
I could do this all day. lol
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snarf
You are "fixin to" do something...
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serendipity
Thanks a lot, blindersoff. Now I miss Houston.