Serious lie - would you dump Him or Her?

pratt1

A recent post about whether you could stay with someone who lied about being transgendered remindered me of a situation that occurred in my family back in the early 60's.

My father's uncle went off to college cut off all contact with his family in the 1930's.

Fast forward to the 60's, my dad and his brother were contacted by a woman (white) who said that their uncle (her husband) wanted to see them immediately because he was dying of a terminal disease.

Imagine my dad's and uncle's reaction when they realized that their uncle had been living the past 30 years as a white man. After college this blue eyed, blonde haired man changed his name, went into the navy and changed his identy to a Italian man. He than married and adopted 3 children. He was an active member of his church and the President of the local bank in his town.

Almost everyone in town began to shun this family when word of his color became know after a big mouthed health care giver told the pastor of their church.

Once his wife told my dad and my uncle the story, both refused to visit their uncle. After much prodding by my mom and my aunt, the two men went to see their uncle and had a tearful and final meeting. In the end I believe all were happy to be reunited.

As a child, me and my cousins despised my uncle because of his decepton but as I grew older, I realized that based on the time he lived and his outward appearance, he made a painful choice to live a life that appeared to be easier and more acceptable within most of society and increased his chances of a successful career.

I have two questions:

1. Could you lie about your religion, race, or gender to be accepted by others or for material gain?

2. Could you love someone who has lied about their race, religion or gender to be accepted by you or for material gain?

KW13

surely it depends on the intent.

if it was to harm anyone, i'd not make a point of choosing them as a friend, but by the same token. If they were in serious trouble and needed help, i'd not send them away.

snarf

Money isn't happiness, eventually the lie always catches up. Stay true to yourself, if people don't like it they can kiss your toe.

Lady Lee

I've tried living the lie. Actually several different ones. I hated it then. And I would hate it again. It just isn't worth all the fear it invokes that one day the truth will come out.

It doesn't help that I am not a good liar.

And it most definitely doesn't help that I come from a family of liars.

I cannot imagine putting myself in a situation like that ever again.

looking_glass

Hypotheticals are hard. I would like to believe that I would be understanding, but I have not experienced the issue either way.

Here is another one for you .... Woman finds out that her aunt is her grandmother and her grandmother is her great grandmother.

JW family born and lived on the east coast. Mom and daughter one day disappear and re-invent themselves. Now it is Mom, daugher and son. Daugher is 16 and son is new born. Story is dad of kids died and that was why they moved to the east coast. Fast forward to the point that baby boy is now dying (he is in his seventies), he tells his daugher the whole tale. His daugher is throw into a tale spin because everything she believed about her very spiritual jw family is now shot to pieces. Her dad had been a traveling overseer. Her mom a pioneer. Then when they settled in one place her dad was famous for starting up congos and spear-heading "the work". Her grandmother and great grand mother and even father lied to the jw world for their entire lives.

To the rest of us, we would have been like who cares, but this chick was devistated. She wondered if she should speak to the elders. I never figured out what for. But you know the whole, confess to the elders mentality.

FlyingHighNow

I can understand the pressure a black who could pass for white would feel. I lived in Hawaii for only 9 months, but I saw it felt to be in the minority. No one ever mistreated me, but I could go in Wal-mart and not see another white face for hours.

I guess the most hurtful thing about this deception would be that he cut contact with his family. I have no problem with him wanting to pass for white. People in the USA and other countries as well can be jerks to people of color.

gaiagirl

Not automatically, there could be a good reason for deception, and it could be that no one was harmed anyway. But if the intent was to "get away" with something hurtful or even morally wrong, then probably dumping would take place.