I'm a 27 year old lesbian, that is very active within JW Organization. I had a girlfriend for two years, but of course we couldn't see eye to eye on certain issues. After that relationship went up in flames I moved on. The thing is I know for a fact that their are other witnesses that are Lesbians. I on the hand, need to react to such a feelings. You see, I have gone so far as to meet with women for sex, not a lot of them just a couple. We have even gotten to point of call us Bed buddies, I can't help myself, I'm addict. If I'm not committed to someone, my bodies seem to know. I long to be in another relationship,so off I to search on website looking for other Lesbian JW for relationship. Of course no one can even come forward for that.I know you are saying I'm a coward, trust me I think the same thing. I could easily been disfellowship several years ago, but I'm so close to my family and this would just kill them, like its killing me now. I even went so far to seek professional help, because all of this laids on me I have thought about killing myself to end my pain. Sad thing about it, I can't do it. What would you do? I know for a fact I want give up my family, and yes I want I real meaningful relationship again.
confusion?
by playground456 3 Replies latest jw experiences
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Synergy
I applaud you for sharing your feelings so openly. It is difficult not being in a relationship no matter the sexual orientation you have. In my case, I am desperately looking for a mate and I feel the same void you do. However, it scares me that you have thought of killing yourself. That is JW thinking coming out. I used to think that way all the time. I felt that I couldn't measure up and I was bad on the inside and I would never be happy or whole. I felt as though I was an alien around everyone else. I think that may be a little of how you feel. My prayer for you is going to be that you will seek good relationships...in every aspect of life. The one you need to start with is GOD. Where does He want you to be? Where will you find him? On your knees, not in the kingdom hall. I don't want to sound "preachy" that's not my goal and it's not my style. I just know what worked for me. How now I look back over my life and think, why did I let the JW's steal my life and my youth and make me be someone I'm not? I too thought of killing myself for years and never had the guts to follow through. I am so glad that I didn't. Don't stay in the JW's if it makes you feel this way. Seek counceling. Seek help to get out of it. If you need to just for a little while as you go through the beginning phases, get anti depressants and get focused on you. It's not worth killing yourself over. Your life is beautiful. God wants you to live it. God wants you to be happy. God wants you to be free and find freedom in him. If there is anything I can do please let me know. You sound like a wonderful person that feels trapped. I wish you the best in your spiritual journey.
Renee
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zeroday
Oh MY MY MY, what a plite... Trying being a hetro JW for 28 years and never having sex. You know the good Christian.....Yea My Heart Bleeds.........
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valkyrie
Playground456 -
You wrote:...I can't help myself, I'm addict. ...
Your feelings are not a sign of addiction; rather, they are the normal desires - of the heart to love and feel loved, and of the body - to be satisfied.
I'm so close to my family and this would just kill them...
It is your urge to repress yourself - in favour of appeasing individuals who, obviously, do not truly know you as you are - is the real, self-harming addiction.
... and yes I want I real meaningful relationship again.
Ponder this advice:
"This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man."
-William Shakespeare, "Hamlet"How can you hope to have a "meaningful relationship" with anyone (family, partner, lover, deity), if its structure is intricately interwoven with a lie?
Final advice: BE! As your JW formation will, doubtlessly, have taught you ["I am that I am" (Ex. 3:14, KJV)], being/to be is an action ["I shall prove to be what I shall prove to be" (Ex. 3:14, NWT)], not a descriptor of mere existence. Your greatest duty, right, and gift in life is to be who you are - fully. Therein lies a world of possibilities, discoveries and development. You honour and respect the Creator-in-yourself when you shrug off the stasis and start to become. Don't remain content with existing as a lump of clay; rise up and become the sculptor of your own existence!