I have moved too much in the last 2 years - 6 times. Doctors are far and few between where I live and a nurse practictioner the norm. The doctor I found is wonderful. She actually understands what ex-JWs go through. I was skeptical - a bit scared. Then, she said it was a controlling cult! She gave me the name and number of a woman that is developing a JW Recovery Program that therapists, phsychologists can use to best help people like this. With my disabilities brought on by my abusive JW husband, I need a wonderful dr like her for many reasons. She said I can call this woman if I wish but that if I don't that is up to me. What do you think would be the most beneficial to ex-jws like us, ex cult members, that would help the therapists, phsychologists better help ones like us move on, heal and embrace life like we all are trying to do? I haven't contacted her yet, but I will. I just want to go with more than my own opinion. From personal experience, few understand the power of a cult, few comprehend the lemming complex of the WBTS. Thank you in advance for your input and insight. I hope she will be successful in helping others like us and bringing to light the true ways of the WBTS. WW
What do you think about a JW Recovery Program...
by White Waves 9 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
What-A-Coincidence
This site is a JW recovery program. There is nothing like it anywhere and it is free except for what you pay for Internet.
... all you need is the physical interaction with people who have experienced what we have. That a I think is the most difficult part. When I log on here I feel understood and I understand. But once I leave my PC, life sucks.
PRAISE THE INTERNET
-
serendipity
Hi WW,
Since you have abuse issues on top of JW issues, it would be worthwhile to work with this woman. You can give it some time, and if you don't feel that it's aiding you, you can drop it.
-
White Waves
When I wrote this topic, I was thinking of the people without internet abilities or access. I agree, this site is awesome. But if someone couldn't have this site, what would help them get out and move on? If there isn't a reason, I don't intend to contact this woman. I am happy with the resources I have been blessed with.
-
EAGLE-1
A friend of mine is a psychologist and was clueless about what I was saying about jdubiaphobia and the like.I think people that were there is best.We got your back.And we are FREE of charge.The other big plus here...................LOVE............Even if I do wig out sometimes...........
-
fullofdoubtnow
I feel sites such as this one, with people who have been where I've been, are likely to be more understanding of the issues facing exiting jws than any therapist, because most of us have walked in the same shoes. A therapist obviously has the training to help distressed people, but most of us on here have experienced the trauma that can be involved in leaving the org first hand. Being on this site is largely responsible for how much progress I've made in the 6 months or so since I da'd, as well as living with another ex - jw who s somewhat further down the road than I am.
Maybe threpy would help those who have lost their family to the org and are finding it difficult to deal with being shunned, but for me, at any rate, the unconditional love that I have felt through coming on this board, so completely the opposite of anything I ever experienced in the org, is enough.
-
sass_my_frass
I think that formal training for pshrinks would be great on a couple of levels; firstly, learning a few simple techniques from a professional for dealing with what we do would be very helpful for all of us. We all pick them up after a bit of time here, but we're all time-hungry hey? Secondly; knowledge that there is a formal program for medical practitioners to assist them with their exJW clients would be dynamite for some current JWs - 'Doctors are trained in how to help victims of JWs? Wow.'
-
Lady Lee
Without knowing the format of the group and who the members would be it is hard to know how effective the program would be.
If the program is well constructed and includes information regarding the group it could help many people, expecially those who do not have internet access.
You could call this person and ask what the program includes. Calling for information does not mean you are signing up. You would not be obligaed to do anything from one phone call. It is really important you interview this person before you get involved in any program. Some things to ask would be:
- Is the program run by one person or two?
- Are you familiar with working with people who lived in cults?
- What are your credentials?
- Were you ever in a cult? If so what have you done to recover?
- How much experience do you have in this field?
- What books have you read or would you recommend?
- Will the group involve only JWs or will other groups be included? Why?
- Are you familair with other forms of abuse and the resulting effects of those abuses?
- What is the fee for participation in the group?
- What are your rules regarding confidentiality?
The following is an article from my website. It was written for those who are seeking individual counseling for sexual abuse as a child but the same applies to anyone in group or individual counseling.
Finding a therapist
Many of the women that I talk to have spent a lot of time looking for a good therapist. Sadly, many have not been helped by the professionals they have seen or worse still, some have been abused by therapists. Finding good therapy and support as you heal is important and it can require effort on your part to find someone you can feel comfortable with, safe and with whom you can work.
You will be talking about things that are highly personal and perhaps you have never told some of these things to anyone before. Having your trust violated and betrayed in the past can make it difficult to try to trust anyone again. You may have told people before only to find it thrown back at you or have found out that your secrets have been told to others. Or you made have been made fun of or your experiences minimized.
Finding help to deal with your abuse experiences is important to your healing. Building a good support system is essential to help you through the process. A good support network can include a lot of different elements. Supportive friends and family, perhaps a self-help group or group counseling and individual counseling can provide the needed help when things get difficult. Reading information about the type of abuse you have experienced as well as information on the recovery process will give you an idea of what to expect and make the process less overwhelming and scary.
A lot of people are intimidated by therapists. Usually we go see a therapist when we are feeling most vulnerable. That makes it difficult to feel like an equal when meeting prospective therapists. The reality is that you are hiring somebody to do a job for you. You want somebody who is qualified, knowledgeable and understanding. You also need somebody who will see the therapeutic relationship as a partnership. You do not give up your rights to make decisions for your life. The therapist is a guide not a dictator (those are the abusive ones). Together you work as a team trying to deal with the various problems and issues that have been created as a result of the abuse.
You need to interview this person to whom you are going to tell your innermost secrets to. Some therapists hate this. They think that since they have the education, they are the best judge of what you need. If you meet one like this RUN . . . FAST. A good sense of humor helps too, since there is so much pain. A little humor can help relieve the tension a lot of the time. Ever notice how when you're really nervous you start laughing inappropriately?
Another really important thing to know about is how much does this person understand about abuse issues. Some people (therapists) included blame the victim, or think you should keep the family together no matter what. Some therapists think they know what's wrong with you and start telling you how to run your life or decide for you what kind of abuse you've been through. Some want to get everybody on pills to hide the problems. While there might be situations where medication is necessary, it should never replace good solid counseling.
Some therapists are survivors themselves. This can be an excellent choice of therapist IF the person has dealt with their own issues. If they haven't then it is very likely they won't be able to help you. But a therapist/survivor who has done their own healing work, can understand the process in a way that many others cannot. This does not mean that a person who has not been abused cannot be a good therapist. Many are. They just bring different things into the process. Either way, it can be helpful. Some therapists won't disclose their personal history. Then it depends on your comfort level about knowing or not knowing. If it becomes an issue then perhaps you need to find somebody else.
Therapy is a place where you get to practice new skills for dealing with problems and situations. You should be able to tell a good therapist when you are uncomfortable with something that is happening in the therapeutic relationship. Some therapists will always place the blame on the client. This is abuse. Nobody is always right, therapists included. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you need to talk about it. If the therapist does put the blame on you (You misunderstood; That's not what happened; That's only your past talking) leave. This is your opportunity to take back your power. Anybody who refuses to admit they make mistakes is a potential abuser (emotionally) and that's what you're there to learn to change -- how to take care of yourself and how to get out of abusive relationships.
You might also want to ask how much experience they have in dealing with abuse issues, how long they have been working and how long they have been working with the kind of abuse you have experienced? What books have they read? Do they recommend reading, journaling, art therapy, self-help groups? Do they do family or couple counseling when needed? What are their fees, cancellation rules, contact outside of office hours? Can you contact them in an emergency? How?
What is important here is that you both understand how you will work together. It is something you negotiate together. Problems get discussed. Slowly you learn that you have a voice in the therapeutic relationship. After that you go out into the world and use what you have learned on relationships in your life. Good Luck and take good care of yourself.
-
coffee_black
There is also a free help-line for the US & Canada....800-why-1914. Marilyn, who answers the phone is a counselor.
Coffee
-
rebel8
IMO....therapy is necessary in some cases. If you are able to find the rare therapist that has experience in dealing with ex-cult members, that's a bonus. If not, IMO it is possible to get your needs met by a combination of therapy and participating in support groups such as this forum. Therapists are trained in how to help people heal after controlling/abusive relationships, so they have an easily transferrable set of skills and knowledge they can use with ex-jws. All toxic relationships have some things in common.