I have been considering my options lately. I feel like I need to talk to my chilren about my true feelings about Being , or in this case not being a JW any longer. My kids are all going to be home together, the first time in over two years, this next month . They know Dad and I are slacking off and kid us about being "pagan" for not going to meetings. Number two son has friends from our hall that I'm sure keep him informed. They also know we are allowing our youngest to make his own decisions about many things (piercing his lip, worldly GF,ect.) We however have never had a heart to heart about real reasons. I am trying to formulate exactly how I want to go about this ,and I think it may be best to stick to my personal feelings not so much on scandal or doctrine . Basically I am so tired of feeling not good enough for God. My whole life I have been anxious and fearful because of our religious teachings. I honestly want to feel loved by God , I want to believe we have a creator that cares about us. I can't stand the ill treatment people recieve at our hall the conditional way we are treated . I was saddend so much to see how my own children were treated over the years by back stabbing friends or how they personally saw how two faced many in the congregation were. I hate that all these years I have forced myself to go against my conscience to accept doctrines that men impose like the treatment of family that has been disfellowshipped . I can't stand myself for allowing others to influence my actions because of their judgemental attitudes. The constant feeling of guilt. We were truly loyal servants that taught our kids to respect the Elder arraingment (don't question them Jehovah directs them) .We accepted counsel given even when it was given without all the facts.Our down fall was allowing imperfect men shepard our faith in God ,which should be a personal relationship not a managed organizational outline. I feel much better over the past six months not reading any literatre or attending any meetings .The only thing that worries me now is how my children will treat me if I never return to witness life or if they will shun me for my personal feelings.
Is it time to come out ?
by troubled mind 7 Replies latest jw friends
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james_woods
This has seemed to be a week where many have made the decision.
I personally do not hold with the idea that one can just "fade" forever out of some so-called "good for the family", etc. IMHO, if you cannot take care of number one and make good decisions for yourself, you are just enabling more of the same old JW bs. And not helping them either.
But, some take longer than others.
My sincere admiration to those who have made their choice in the last few days.
James
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looking_glass
Basically I am so tired of feeling not good enough for God. My whole life I have been anxious and fearful because of our religious teachings. I honestly want to feel loved by God , I want to believe we have a creator that cares about us. I can't stand the ill treatment people recieve at our hall the conditional way we are treated
These are very valid feelings and my guess is that your kids have probably felt the same way. I think most kids who have been raised around/inside/outside/upside down in the "truth" have experienced these feelings.
Good luck.
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serendipity
I think if you can share your feelings without condemning the org that you may be ok. My mother has been inactive for many years, and when she gets pressured by anyone, she basically says going to meetings makes her feel inadequate, depressed and makes her want to give up on life. She's been able to use that excuse and the family and other JWs still talk to her. I use this same excuse when my daughter asks why we don't go to many meetings, too.
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fullofdoubtnow
I feel much better over the past six months not reading any literatre or attending any meetings
In other words, you have had a break from being reminded how inadequate you have long felt in the sight of God. Isn't it strange, no matter how long we have been jws, how little we miss the dogma from the platform and in the publications once we stop exposing ourselves to it? Life is so much more tolerable when we stop subjecting ourselves to that crap week in, week out. I understand how hard it is to make a complete break when you have family still in the org, but at the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is best for yourself, not your witness relatives. You just can't live for other people, and they can't live your life for you.
It is obvious from your post that you are ready to leave, and in many ways need to leave. You have nothing to gain by staying, paying lip - service to a doctrine you no longer believe in, allowing your life to be influenced by men you no longer have any trust in, so in answer to your question I would say yes, it IS time to come out and enjoy your freedom. I know from experience what a liberating feeling it is to finally say goodbye to the jws. It is a feeling I hope you experience soon.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well, and I will keep you in my thoughts.
love
Linda
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juni
Basically I am so tired of feeling not good enough for God. My whole life I have been anxious and fearful because of our religious teachings. I honestly want to feel loved by God , I want to believe we have a creator that cares about us. I can't stand the ill treatment people recieve at our hall the conditional way we are treated . I was saddend so much to see how my own children were treated over the years by back stabbing friends or how they personally saw how two faced many in the congregation were. I hate that all these years I have forced myself to go against my conscience to accept doctrines that men impose like the treatment of family that has been disfellowshipped . I can't stand myself for allowing others to influence my actions because of their judgemental attitudes. The constant feeling of guilt
When I just read your post, troubledmind, I thought this is exactly how I felt. You can take a look at my "profile" and see what I mean.
Juni
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Little Bo Peep
We read your post and saw what we went through over 4 years ago. We began our "search" and studied 4-5 hours a day for two years. We typed a 60 page report for our children with over 700 scriptures and WT references, dealing with all the things we had found out about the WT. We had a 4 page "letter" that explained in brief why we hadn't been to meetings in 2 years and why we wouldn't be attending the next summer assembly. Needless to say, we "over-whelmed" them. I don't think they heard any of the letter we read them. It took 2 more years before our children began their own search. It was difficult even having much of a conversation with them, as they were sure we were "apostates" and took everything we said to be trying to "sneak" something into our conversations. Four of our five children didn't "shun" us, but one has, completely. When I saw him last week, with our granddaughter whom we hadn't seen for 2 years, he looked down, put his hand out and repeated, "no" and "don't mom". He said he'd heard we were apostates and didn't want to talk. Fortunately our other children have begun their own search and have come out also. If we had it to do over again, we would probably be a little more "gentle" with our approach, sticking with probably only one subject, like "607". I think if we'd ask them for help finding proof of "607" outside of the WT, we might have gotten further, sooner. Anyway, I guess we are fortunate that most of our children are out. I guess my advice to you would approach the matter that you have questions and need help finding satisfactory answers. JWD has had a lot of information about the "607" issue, as from it stems the validity for 1914 and the "faithful slave" appointment in 1918. Hope this helps. From two who have been there...Little Bo Peep.
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snarf
I think it would be the perfect opportunity to express your feelings to your childrren. Who knows maybe they are feeling the same way but are only in because they are scared of losing family relatinships. I agree with you that you should keep it on a personal level and not on scandals or doctrine issues unless it is brought up by them. Good luck !!!