TY for Welcome, some Questions?????

by Cassiline 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Cassiline

  Thank you all for the warm welcome! It has been so hard living, believeing that I am an anomaly. I realize that there are others out there who have lived and expierenced what I have. But to see it in balck and white it calms my turbulant emotions.

  I have gone through feeling of guilt, sadness, grief and now ANGER.
  Anger because I have been doing some research and know now that some forms of blood are accepted, after thousands died, you can have transplants, use blood recirculating machines, vote!

  WTF!! Where did all this "New Light" come from and how does the Society say that these things are ok now? How can they when the GB are sopossed to be 'guided' by Jehovah? What? was God mistaken? What explaintion does the society give when they claim 'New Light' what about Deut 18:22, EX. 23:1. Where does this profusion of new teachings come from?

  I am shocked and appaled that this org. let millions die and now change their minds.

  For those of you who do not know I left the Org. in 1990 (drifted) because of some horrible occurances I expierenced. I have just started to research my questions about the society because of the fear that was instilled in me as a child.

  I have just received Crisis of Conscience,by Raymond Franz. You know what I'm afraid to read it. WHY are their teachings still so strong in my mind? HELP!!!! Dam I cant stand this waffling on my own part. Sorry for rambling on and on but I have so many questions. And I'm sure you guys are tired of answering them. For I know I must not be the first to post such questions.

  Thanks again for the warm reception!

  C

  When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.
• 

  individuals wife

  Reading the Crisis of Conscience book will go a long way to helping you come to terms with the fact that you were misled. It will help you justify your reasons for leaving and will make you realise that you did indeed make the right decision. So don't be afraid to read it, it will only strengthen your determination.

  You talk of feelings of guilt, sadness, grief and anger. I can identify with all of those feelings - I lived with the guilt of dragging my kids to the meetings, the sadness of missing out on so much with my wordly family, the grief of realising that the resurrection hope I had been taught - the hope of seeing my father again on the earth - was no longer to be trusted, and the anger....
  I have resolved all those feelings except for anger. I still feel very angry with how I was treated and how I still treated, being shunned continuously on a daily basis by people who I considered to be very good friends. I feel angry with myself as well for not investigating further the religion that I belonged to, I am angry that I was so gullible and trusting, so unaware of the rubbish I was being taught. I don't want this anger ever to disappear though, it keeps me strong and resolved never to go back. If I were to become complacent there is every danger that I may drift right back in again, it happened before and I will not let it happen again - not now that I know so much more about the organisation.

  So, welcome to Cassiline, it is good to have you here, I hope you find here what you are looking for. And please dont hesitate to ask questions - they are very welcome, even if we have heard them before!!
• 

  Thirdson

  Cassiline,

  Welcome to the board, we're glad to add another member and look forward to your insight and experiences.

  Like almost all of us you have experienced the different emotions of leaving this controlling religion, JW/Watchtower Society. I think once you reach the anger level, brought about by the realization of the lies, you've overcome all the other negative feelings and can begin to move on. There is no going back now. I talked to one of my older brothers last December about this. For several years he had felt sad and guilty after leaving and in his mind thought he would eventually return. But after discussing his feelings and thoughts with those of us who had already left and after reading Crisis of Conscience he realized he couldn't go back to the lies.

  The things you mentioned, changes, were always there but they are so subtle that the average JW, who barely has time, never notices them because they never read the fine print. That is until quite recently with the advent of the Internet. There is a lot more dicussion and notification of these "little" changes. Still, my parents and oldest brother missed the implications of the change in the "blood" policy of June last year. I told them and I never saw a paper copy of the magazine!

  Some things like voting are not really different. A version in print placates lawyers and governments but the rank and file will still be told a different version. The UN now is a "good" organization while the Revelation, Grand Climax book still casts it as a wild beast that "was, was not and was again and soon will be destroyed." Blood is bad still, and the JWs I've talked to have no clue as to what is allowable but the WTS says it is all "good" if you subdivide it small enough you can have 99.9% of it.

  When I was a JW I rationalized the changes. Blood fractions were acceptable in my mind because of the rule of placental barrier crossing or being a component of breast-milk. But I relationalized it to death and at some point the whole doctrine toppled for being so unreasonable and illogical.

  There is so much to discuss and the repeating of this information in the 100s of posts each day on this and other boards serves to enlighten the lurking R&F. The WTS is going to go through major overhaul in the coming years. There is enough debate and red-hearing frying here at the moment. No-one will know if any major or minor changes will take place until after this year's AGM and Watchtower articles. Lasts year's resignation of the aging GB from the WTS corporations was a major change that barely got a mention in the Watchtower amongst all the fluff of history and the idea that corporations are mere tools to be used and set a side as necessary.

  Stay tuned (a certain TV show might be good too...damn! I've done today's version of "when is Dateline on again?") and join in the fray. There are some really good threads on this board.

  Sorry to ramble on. But welcome again.

  Thirdson

  'To avoid criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing'

  Edited for spelling and being too lazy to type in a word-processor first.
• 

  Free2Bme

  Hi Cassilene,

  Just like to add my WELCOME.

  It's pretty scary holding THAT book in your hands isn't it? Well just flip it open and get on with it. You won't get hit by a thunderbolt from heaven, only the thunderbolt-like realisation that the 'truth' IS'NT. Simple really.

  I haven't read the follow up yet but I'm ordering it from Commentary asap. Let you know what I think.

  Free
• 

  outnfree

  Welcome to the Board, Casseline!
  

  I urge you to pick up Ray Franz' book and read it. Read it very carefully and very slowly (Many here are living proof that God will NOT strike you dead if you are so bold! LOL).

  You will find it to be nothing like what the Witnesses tell you to expect from 'apostate' literature. Ray Franz is a humble, decent man who could no longer stand to be involved in the hypocrisy that he sadly found at the highest levels of the WTBTS. Yet, the book is VERY balanced, NOT bitter, NOT 'cleverly worded so as to mislead' but rather refreshingly frank and honest.

  If you just screw up the courage to read the preface, I'm sure you'll feel much more comfortable about starting in.

  The REAL problems will start after you learn what he shares. You will have risked ... but you will finally be free to share and heal and grow. Difficult, but necessary.

  outnfree

  Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire
• 

  Cassiline

  Thank Again!
  Ok I figure I will do this online......I'm picking up Crisis Of Conscience,,,,,opening the front cover...no thunder,no lightning!! LOL
  NO DEMONS!! Really you guys thanks a lot I do aperciate your insights!
  Demon's were a biggie in my upbringing...... "demonized" pants from garage sales ( runnig around disembodied), pages from sisters Bibles diassapearing because they went to a "demonized" house and spoke to someone "demonized". I grew up one scared little kid, and turned into a wimpy adult. And I believed every word of it, how gulliable am I?
  Thanks Again.

  C

  When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.
• 

  individual

  Cassiline

  Your fear of opening up the C of C book is something that I understand. I can remember first picking up the book and thinking that if I opened the pages something horrible would happen. I was so influenced by the teachings of the society especially when it came to so called apostate material, both on the net and in books, that I really believed that something might happen. The first time I read articles on the internet written by ex-JWs I held my finger over the button to open the pages not sure if demons would jump out of the screen at me. At this time I was 36 years old and I now find it incredible that a thing like picking up a book or opening up a page on the internet should instill such fear in me. I really believed that God would show incredible disfavour on me and that the demons would see this as an opportunity to have a go.

  When I started reading this book, C of C, and started looking at the internet nothing happened. No flames out of the computer, no weird messages coming on the screen (like - I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! I@M GOING TO GET YOU!!) All that happened was that I saw the society for what it really was. I saw it as a society for humans run by humans who make mistakes. I saw that I was not alone in the way I was feeling, I could not accept any longer the way that the society changes things at will to suit itself - i.e the generation issue was a good example of this, and the blood fraction issue.

  All that will happen when you read this book is that you will see the society in a different light - you will see the way the Governing Body runs itself and how these men at the top can't even agree amongst themselves (the holy spirit is supposed to be guiding them yet they disagree with each other.) Your fear will diminish and you will realise that picking up second hand goods doesn't bring demons into the home, you will realise that fears such as this are encouraged by the society because fear is a good way of controlling people. You will feel confused for a while but you will find yourself free to find out about God and Christ Jesus as the bible really portrays them, if you so want. You will also view other religions in a new light - and see that these people are not evil, they are just people trying to serve God in a sincere way with an absolute belief that they are doing so correctly.

  In my experience now I see a lot of JWs as being unloving - it is about a year since I stopped going to meetings and about 50% of the congregation now chooses to ignore me and treat me as if I were dead even though I am not disfellowshipped and I have not disassociated myself. One former friend even turned his back on me in the street to make a point - is this the love of Christ??? I know see ones such as this as being prejudiced in the extreme because I am no longer willing to follow their organisation blindly and I question things they choose to believe, it results in them seeing me as being a lesser person than them. So they now feel they are better than me and will show this by turning their back on me in the street. It has proved to me that this is an unloving organisation and love was supposed to be the single identifying mark of Christs organisation or people.

  I wish you the best in your examination of the 'truth' and I hope you enjoy the freedom of thought and expression that you now have (I bought some Christian books at the weekend including The Illustrated Guide to the Bible and The Bible Application Handbook which I would never have done as a JW - afraid of demons etc...) So freedom from fear is leading me towards being a more spiritual person than I ever was when I attended meetings.
• 

  Esmeralda

  Hi Cassiline,

  Welcome and I totally understand your difficulty in reading COC. Do you know that I was on the internet 4 years...and disfellowshipped 18 months before I finally had the courage to type "Jehovah's Witnesses" into a search engine? I found Freeminds, then H2O, and the rest, as they say, is history for me.

  I still had some feeling that the organization was the 'true' religion when I left it, even though I knew it wasn't right for me. After reading COC and all of the info on blood online..etc etc...well I was angry. Very. And I still get that way when I see my ex husband trying to indoctrinate my child. But I try not to let the anger rule my life, because to me that would mean letting them win.

  But of course, I am much farther down the road in this journey than you, my dear. There are no 'rules' for recovery. Your emotions will run the gamut, and that is perfectly normal. Just keep talking, keep feeling them, and if (as many do) you ever get scared that you should go back...just keep going forward. That's when you'll see the clouds start to clear.

  Sending you all good thoughts. This isn't an easy road, for any of us. But it's so worth taking it.

  *hugs*
  essie

  p.s. *waving* Hi Thirdson, Individual's wife and Individual! Outandfree and Free2bme too :)
• 

  Cassiline

  Well I have made it to the second chapture and i'm still here! Again I would like to thank all of you who have extended a hand to me, it is so very comfofting to know that others have been where I am now.
  Sincerely

  C

  When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.