Had a setback, but I'm okay now.

by TweetieBird 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  TweetieBird

  Last night the husband and I went out to dinner and a nightclub with the few remaining JW friends that we have, which are not many. We laughed and drank (JW's know where to find the best booze) and had a good time.

  This morning, I told the husband that maybe we should make an appearance at the KH on Sundays only, so that we can hang onto the few remaining friends that we have.

  If looks could kill, I would be a dead woman typing out this post.

  He went to work and I decided to check out what's new on the board.

  Thank you, one and all, because now I know that I do not want to spend even 2 hours of my life sitting in a KH.

  I know that our friendship with the witnesses we were out with last night will come to an end shortly, as there was an elder and a MS in the same restaurant and both have already shunned us because we do not attend meetings. I know that a phone call to our friends PO is probably in the works.

  Oh well, life goes on.

  "By doubting we come at truth" -Cicero
• 

  alirobbi

  Hi Tweetiebird,

  I think alot of people have the fleeting thought of going to a meeting to preserve friendships. I know my partner had them. About 3 yrs ago she even decided to attend the memorial but changed her mind at the last min. and we ended up sitting at the local pub drinking beer instead and talking about how she feels about the whole thing.

  Even though it has been almost 4 yrs since she attended a meeting, she still has a few friends that maintain contact with her. She has even had a talk with her PO telling him she had some doubts. He stopped her in mid sentence and said, I have a few too but if you do not talk about them then it will be okay. He said she could keep doing what she was doing(not attending meetings) and still see her friends. He told her some would probably shun her but her friends would maintain contact. So that is what she has done.

  I think it is sometimes harder on her then she would lead me to believe but if this is what she wants to do, then I support her in that.

  I hope that your friends will not give up your friendship. Even though they may get "the talk" from the elders, maybe they will decide to buck the system and stay in contact. You never know**hugs** to ya

  Robbi
• 

  Gopher

  I decided to check out what's new on the board. Thank you, one and all, because now I know that I do not want to spend even 2 hours of my life sitting in a KH.

  TB, on behalf of the rest of the board, you're welcome!! Isn't this group of people the greatest? They've helped me 'get past' the Borg, and provided company during what would have been lonely times. And aren't Sunday mornings better, without having to submit to the 'carrot and stick' lectures and the promises that 'the end is just around the corner', yadda, yadda?

  I know that our friendship with the witnesses we were out with last night will come to an end shortly.

  If so, it is THEIR loss! At such a point, we need to move on to association with new friends and/or family who love us UNCONDITIONALLY, with no strings attached. If your current JW friends can't provide that, then are they REALLY your friends?

  GopherWhy shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
  Mark Twain (1835-1910)
• 

  Richie

  I have reluctantly decided to go back to the meetings only on Sundays.
  The only reason for doing such a thing is so that I can get re-instated eventually (call that the right motive!) enabling me to contact my family in a more unbiased manner.
  I am not looking forward to doing that, but then I will try to make it as easy as possible to enter the hall during the prayer and to leave the hall during the prayer.
  Then when the time comes when they re-instate me, that will be the last meeting for me and that's a promise!!
  (If, under any circumstances, they wou would have the nerve to DF me again for not attending meetings anymore, I will proceed with a lawsuit against the congregation, the elders and the Society!!!)

  :*) Richie

  You are the music as long as the music last...............
• 

  Tina

  ((((((((((tweetie))))))))))))
  Whew!
  I'm sorry to say that you're right about the JW friendship hun.
  WHo wants those kind of very very conditional relationships tho.
  Now is a good time to start building the bridges of friendship with non-Jw neighbors co-workers etc. This way once you leave,you won't feel so all alone. You'll be suprised how understanding 'worldly' friends can be! Before I totally left I had told them I was exiting a cult and they were so supportive and loving!
  And of course,you always have us here to help you along :>
  Hang in there hun! luv,T

  Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."
• 

  FreePeace

  Hey Richie,

  I have reluctantly decided to go back to the meetings only on Sundays. The only reason for doing such a thing is so that I can get re-instated eventually...

  Unless you have a REALLY, REALLY good reason to offer the elders as to why you can attend ONLY the Sunday meetings, it is unlikely that you would be reinstated.

  They will likely see this as an indicator that you are not really serious and, therefore, not yet ready for reinstatement.

  When considering reinstatement, elders are looking to see if you are doing ALL you can do. Of course, this is limited when you are DF'd. But they will expect you to attend the Sunday Meeting and the School/Service meeting AT LEAST for a substantial period of time. If a Book Study is held in the Kingdom Hall, they will want to see you there too.

  This could go on for as long as the body that DF'd you determines... a few months, or over a year.

  You have to decide if it is really worth it.

  I, like most of us, have lost all my family and friends. My parents cannot understand why I do not at least get reinstated so they can "associate" with me. But to go back would be the ultimate betrayal: Myself. I cannot go back because I cannot compromise my values. This may or may not be true for you.

  I hope this has not discouraged you. But I'd hate to see you spending all that time thinking you were on the road to reinstatement, only to find out you were spinning your wheels.

  I wish you all my best.

  FP (former elder)

  "The World is my country, and to do good, my religion." --Thomas Paine

  Visit my Websites:
  TruthQuest: http://beam.to/truthquest

  Empower the Spirit: http://www.EmpowerTheSpirit.com
• 

  TweetieBird

  Thanks all for your words of encouragement.

  Richie, Freepeace is right. To get reinstated these days requires going to EVERY meeting, having WT & bookstudy lesson marked, sitting through at least 2 assemblies in a DF'd state and not associating with any non-witnesses. This must be kept up for a minimum of 6 months, usually a year. I haven't heard of anyone being reinstated in under a year lately.

  Basically, you have to give up every shred of dignity you possess, kiss butt for a year and succumb to the humiliation of the Three Stooges (or in some circles known as the judicial committee.)

  "By doubting we come at truth" -Cicero