I can't make them see it

by sass_my_frass 5 Replies latest jw experiences

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  sass_my_frass

  I visited a JW mate the other night, she had her first birthday party! She's on her way out of it and working things out. It was a funny night with all of her miscellaneous new friends meeting for the first time, we've all heard about each other but didn't know what we could talk about with each other because of the web she's had to spin to get out with her sanity intact. Still, she has all these photos around of our old buddies, and it made my skin crawl. Every one of them is going to find their own unique way of betraying and abandoning her, like they did me. I guess she's in denial, and I've moved onto anger. I'm hating them all at the moment, and hating how ugly it's making me. She had another disfellowshipped friend there, who insisted that you should 'never say never' when it comes to returning to The Truth. I wanted to yell for hours all the reasons I know why she shouldn't. People just can't be told though... if they can find their way out on their own, lucky them, but there's no one thing that you can tell anybody that will make them think.

  I'm reading a book of letters that soldiers sent to Michael Moore after Fahrenheit 911, and it's enlightening in a way I wasn't expecting... I knew about the lies we're at war for, but it hadn't occurred to me that there's a massive spin campaign to recruit soldiers and keep them in line, happily dying for things they don't understand. So many of these kid's stories sound like so many of ours, and they're all along the same lines: "I didn't know what I was getting into, and I can't get out." They talk about their frustration in trying to get their friends and family to see it too. They talk about the betrayal they feel at having believed in something passionately for so long, and having it crumble in front of them. They're stunned that they ever fell for something so completely.

  Cults are everywhere; Amway, the army, home furnishings, big cars, team sports, fashion, music genres... everywhere you look there are people who want to belong to something and people looking to exploit their needs. Don't give your life up; you can find out who you are just by looking inside. If you want anything simpler than that, if you want somebody to show you the way, you're going to miss out on the really good stuff.
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  Lehtiveli

  Sometimes it is really hard to put anger aside and blame WT organization for their rules than people who act like WT org says.
  I had some friends which I have known all my life. I did not visit meetings for 2 weeks and nobody talked to me anymore. They blocked me from Instant Messengers and do not reply to calls, sms, emails and so on. I try not to blame them, I have to blame organization. I think they aren't doing that because they want to. They do it because they are told to do that.
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  sass_my_frass

  ... yeah, but they're also fully-grown adults with the regular quota of intelligence; they just deliberately turn that and their compassion off to display their loyalty to a publishing company run by old men they'll never meet.
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  jwfacts

  As you say, there are a lot of manipulative groups, and the good thing about having been in one and surviving to tell the tale is that it makes you are far more aware person.

  I struggle with how to feel about shunners, particularly my family since they know enough scripturally to know shunning is wrong, and have admitted the Watchtower practice needs change. Looking back I never shunned my friends, though I did cut back association. Even whilst I was in Bethel I rang my disfellowshipped friends every six months or so to make sure they were doing alright, I knew it was inhumane not to. It is possible for people to rise above Watchtower doctrine and I feel there is no excuse for people not to, so don't know how to feel about those that don't.
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  Balsam

  If we see people who act in a way (for instance cutting close friends out of their life they have known all their life) that common sense would find abhorrent, it surely has to do with involvement in a cult mentality.

  When I see people who chose a religious ideology over their love for their spouse or children then they clearly are controlled by that religion. People lose their ability to use common sense when they're in a cult. Adults that should know better behave in shocking and sickening ways. Cutting off a beloved friend or even a family member all because they question a religious teaching.

  There is no denying the power of group. President Bush used the cult mentality of Christian religion to stir up American's against the great evil of terrorist and their religion. He stirred the majority of Americans to support his war, and only later did America find out it is mostly smoke and mirrors trick.

  I feel for your friend, but realize she will make her own mistakes and she'll learn quickly who really are her friends and who aren't. When I left I lost everyone I considered my closest friends. These people called me a dear friend. You see their love of the cultish religion was stronger than their love for me, their family, their lives. They are ignorant and desire to continue in their ignorance. A dangerous combination is ignorance and a cult mentality.

  Balsam
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  penny2

  They blocked me from Instant Messengers and do not reply to calls, sms, emails and so on.

  Lehtiveli, if this happened in the schoolyard or at work, it would be called bullying. Treatment like that can be very hurtful and damaging to self-esteem.

  Sass, isn't it frustrating when people just don't get it - the 'truth' is not the truth. Working it out though is amazing. I think the anger is a stage in the healing process. Peace and acceptance comes after your life settles down (I'm hoping, anyway).

  Love, penny2