JW funerals from a never-been-JW

by Lady Lee 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Lady Lee

  My son-in-law just drove me home from Montreal and we had a fascinating discussion about JW funerals

  My daughters grandmother (her father's mother) passed away a couple of months ago. My son-in-law went to his first ever JW "meeting". He had nooooo idea what to expect. And he was stunned and sickened by it.

  Most of the JWs sat at the back for the "talk" He however was taken to sit in the front row. Even the husband and her children sat further back.

  He said he sat there and listened as they talked about everything except the woman who died. That bowled him over. I explained the purpose of the funeral infomercial and he had to lught but was still stunned. He learned nothing about his wife's grandmother.

  Then when it was all over and people were coming up to him (love-bombing) and saying how sorry they were for his loss he was again flabberghasted. He had never met my daughter's grandparents. Since they only spoke Italian it was easier for him to stay home with the kids when my daughtewr went to see her grandparents.

  After everything was over he was shocked that people just left. The coffin was open and people were going out the door. He said he expected the family would go to the cemetary and say those words they didn't say in the talk. But everyone went home. No gahtering for the family to talk about the deceased one. No real grieving or cryoing. Not one word about her. THEY WALKED OUT AND LEFT THE CASKET OPEN!!!! he cried. How do you grieve a loss, say your goodbyes, have some kind of closure!!! No going to the cemetary. Nothing

  He said some people were glad to see my daughter and asked if she was coming back to the hall. I wish I had been there when she told them "Never" I am so proud of her and pleased. (My biggest fear is that they might go back)

  Anyway he was bowled over how they don't grieve. I explained why JWs do the things they do.

  For the first time I got to talk to him about my upbringing. I don't think he understood why some of us are the way we are. He certainly has a better idea now.
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  Deputy Dog

  Imagine being disfellowshiped and attending your mothers funeral. This happenned to a close friend of mine
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  Finally-Free

  He said he sat there and listened as they talked about everything except the woman who died. That bowled him over. I explained the purpose of the funeral infomercial and he had to lught but was still stunned. He learned nothing about his wife's grandmother.

  I assume that, beyond her service reports and financial contributions, they knew very little about her. JWs are not really encouraged to talk about their likes, dislikes, hobbies and interests. I think it says a lot about people who, even after a person has died, can't take a minute to say something nice about them.

  W
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  collegegirl21

  Wow, that sounds like it was a sunday meeting and they gave no regard to the person that the service was for. That shouldn't be how a "loving organization" should act.
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  Virgochik

  Sounds like they are just getting worse. Tackier all the time. What lousy timing to ask your family if they plan on coming back to the Hall! Still, it's a horribly fascinating experience and educational for those who had no idea how the Dubs operate their company.

  When my grandmother dies, I don't think I'll ask my husband to go through this macabre gathering. Lol, don't know if I'll go myself!
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  Lady Lee

  DeputyDog

  I explained the whole DFed thing to him. He was stunned.

  Then I added how my mother couldn't even get off her butt to bury her child and had one of my brothers make the arrangements and then to make matters more insane my sister's ex-boyfriend agreed to take her ashes and scatter them over the lake. My mother didn't even care to do that.

  FF

  Both my ex-husband's parents speak only Italian. My ex told me he was trying to find a brother who could make the talk in both English and Italian. Things didn't work out the way he wanted and the entire talk was in English only. So the grieving husband missed the infomercial. Maybe that wasn't such a bad thing but very rude. Although both were baptized and both went to an Italian con, I don't think either of them have been to a meeting in a very long time due to illness.

  ---

  When my father died we went to a United church and asked the minister if he would do the sermon. He didn't know us or my father. We didn't know him either - just picked him out of the phone book. But he sat down with me and my step-sister and got some info about who he was and what he enjoyed. We had to explain that he was a very abusive man who hurt everyone so people weren't going to be grief-stricken. We didn't want speeches about how loved he was because that would be very hypocritical and neither of us could stomach that. What he did say was acceptable and he asked if anyone else would be saying anything. I said I would. No one else wanted to say anything.

  But the point was that he took time to find out about this person. And he used what we told him to offer some degree of comfort to those who came.

  You wouldn't find that in a JW funeral talk
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  blondie

  
  There is always a gathering around here after a funeral, usually a potluck. Quite informal, everyone sitting around eating and talking, mixing with the non-JWs even (but no DF'd or DA'd people). I'm surprised they didn't do that there. With so few "get-togethers" no one passes up a chance to eat and visit with people they rarely see any more because of congregations that have split, or circuits with 2 or 3 sections, and even being sent to differen DCs. Unless you are an elder that goes around giving talks, you hardly every see people.

  Blondie
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  Finally-Free

  I can't help but wonder how my mom's funeral will turn out. She's in her mid eighties, has cancer, and probably won't last much longer. (OK, we've been saying that for 10 years now. She's a tough lady) She's the only JW in the family, wants a JW funeral, and I'm the "apostate" son who has a legal document stating that I alone make all the health care and funeral decisions. There will be a dinner after the funeral, and I will not be barred from it. I will not organize an event that will enable shunning. I suspect the local JWs will boycott it, so I wonder if making it a JW funeral, according to her wishes, will even be possible.

  W
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  Lady Lee

  Well FF if it was me I would probably do the basic minimum of JW things - let them have the talk in the hall so they can listen to another infomercial courtesy of your mother's death and do your own thing in the funeral home. The only people who will want to listen to the infomercial are the JWs. As far as I can tell if it was me I probably wouldn't be that welcome in the hall anyways so I would contact them - tell them when they can come to "visit" and let them know they can do their own thing - I won't be attending.

  I see absolutely no reason to be treated like scum when a relative dies.