top ten reasons why beer is better than religion

by bboyneko 7 Replies latest jw friends

  • bboyneko
    bboyneko

    10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.
    9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
    8. Beer has never caused a major war.
    7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.
    6. When you have Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
    5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over their brand of Beer.
    4. You don't have to wait more than 2,000 years for a second Beer.
    3. There are laws saying that Beer labels can't lie to you.
    2. You can prove you have a Beer.
    1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

  • peacepipe
    peacepipe

    I say, crack open the Rolling Rock (which I'm going to do right now
    !) LOL

  • Tatiana
    Tatiana

    And here are some suggestions just in case that beer you worship gets the better of you....

    Beer Troubleshooting

    SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
    FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
    ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

    SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
    FAULT: Improper bladder control.
    ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

    SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    FAULT: Glass empty.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
    FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
    ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

    SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    FAULT: You have fallen forward.
    ACTION: See above.

    SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

    SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
    FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

    SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
    FAULT: You are being carried out.
    ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
    FAULT: Bar has closed.
    ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

    SYMPTOM: Truck suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
    FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
    ACTION: Cover mouth.

    SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and laughs.
    FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
    ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy looking.

    SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear.
    FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
    ACTION: Punch him.

    SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
    FAULT: You have been in a fight.
    ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

    SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
    FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
    ACTION: See if they have free beer.

    SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
    FAULT: The beer is too weak.
    ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

    SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
    FAULT: Beer is just right.
    ACTION: Play air guitar.

    SYMPTOM: Cold and unable to unlock door to hotel room.
    FAULT: Woke up in hotel room, got up to go to bathroom and chose wrong
    door.
    ACTION: Knock loudly on door to wake sleeping wife. If this fails, find
    hotel worker to unlock door for you.

    April

    "Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)

  • BoozeRunner
    BoozeRunner

    Reason # 11:"New Light" is just another brand.

    Boozy

    Some of my best jokes are friends.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Reason #12: Beer understands that sometimes you get pissed off.

  • nelly136
    nelly136

    reason #13 you get good head?

  • Eric
    Eric

    14. If you return an empty beer, you get your deposit back.

    Eric

  • Vitameatavegamin
    Vitameatavegamin

    Everyone has to have something to believe in........I believe I'll have a beer!

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