Being seen as reasonable to the "worldly people"--learning to leave

by LDH 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  LDH

  Hello faders--

  One problem you will have as you leave is making new friendships. You will find that your new friends can *GASP* disagree with you vehemently and still be your friends. This will feel very unnatural to you.

  The world of JW relies on footstep followers of the JW religion. Think of lemmings, that's the behavior that the average JW exhibits. What makes it worse is that the JW doesn't confine their black-or-white thinking to just religious doctrine. It overflows into every part of their life. Viewpoints on things that happen in the news can't just be 'things that happen in the news'--they have to be pored over to the nth degree to find a level of application to the JW theology.

  As you are leaving and attempting to make new friends, you will have to practice the following exercise: Seek out people who are MODERATE in their speech and actions. RUN LIKE HELL if anyone has all the answers. This is a danger sign. You will get out of the frying pan and into the fire.

  No one person, organization or religion has all the answers!

  Start a conversation about a current event. Illegal immigration. Ask the other person how they feel about things? Do NOT attempt to correct their feelings. Share your own. Share that YOU'RE NOT QUITE sure, and it sure is a mess no matter which way you dice it. Do NOT attempt to convice the other party to agree with your views. Do NOT control the conversation.

  At this point all you're doing is looking to establish yourself as a thinker, and a reasonable person. Then you can change the subject to a television program. Dog Whisperer is my current favorite. <plug>

  Over a period of several conversations, you will get to meet like-minded people. People who are thinkers will attract themselves to you, and you to them.

  At that point you can and should invite him/her/them to share a meal. Moderation in speech and action is your key to finding new friends. If you come off like a crackpot, normal people will run like hell and you'll end up sharing dinner with Hannibal Lecter.

  Keep the above points in mind whenever your brain screams in misery to control the conversation.

  Lisa

  It's a start, Class
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  What-A-Coincidence

  thanks ldh. those are great tips. i will keep them in mind. :-) reminds me: as I was digging deep into conspiracy theories with regards to 9/11 + the fact that I was there when it happened, i wanted to converse with 2 elders about it in regular conversation. one elder who is very witty on stage had nothing to say. WTF? the other said, well things like that don't matter when you have the truth? WTF to the 2nd power. After that i said, forget you, can't converse with witnoids about nothing not WTBTS related.
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  LDH

  in regular conversation

  My point exactly.

  To a JW, there is no such thing as a regular conversation. That's a great story.

  Lisa
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  fullofdoubtnow

  Good post LDH, thanks.

  I personally didn't fade for long, I got out quick, but I have a friend who has been in fairly regular touch with me lately, and I know she is having doubts. She has been a jw for most of her life, and I suspect losing all the many friends she has made over the years is one of the stumbling blocks that keeps her from acting on her doubts. I will be seeing her later this week, she is coming here, unknown to the elders of course, and I will post on the outcome. If she does exhibit signs of being ready to fade, I will certainly bear your post in mind.

  Once again, thanks

  Linda