Job Performance Appraisal...were you torn?

by schne_belly 4 Replies latest jw experiences

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  schne_belly

  I was in the first part of June 2003 that I began having serious doubts about the JW's. And this is how it started:

  At work we are given yearly performance appraisals. I had just had my review. It went spectacular. Not a bad word was spoken about my performance. I got a raise.

  That same day I went to the meeting. I was called in the "back room" after the meeting for some superfluous reason. Not exactly certain why, I just know my wife or I did something they didn't like, AGAIN!

  I remember thinking:

  1) Why am I counseled at the KH and praised at work? Am I not the same person?

  2) Whose opinion do I care about more? The people who sign my check or the people I "donate" my time to?

  3) Shouldn't JW's be appreciative that I was there at all? After all, I wasn't getting paid to sit at a meeting or run a mic or read. I was a volunteer.

  So I was torn. The "world" told me I was good, that I could be somebody. The elders told me I was wrong and needed to show more humility.

  Anybody else have this experience??
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  under_believer

  I have experienced a similar disconnect.
  At work, I'm a highly paid, well-respected, competent professional. My opinion is sought on various issues. I am in charge of other people and responsible for their work. I have a reputation as a troubleshooter and a fixer.
  At the Kingdom Hall, I am barely acknowledged. Even though I have very good public speaking and public reading abilities, even though I have a proven track record of responsibly handling tasks, even though I have a lot of practical business and administrative experience, even though I'm a good researcher, they ignore me. They do this because I don't go out in service anymore, not being willing to stoop to hypocrisy attempting to publish a message I no longer believe in.
  Would I WANT all those "theocratic priveleges of service?" Actually, no. No I wouldn't. However, the disconnect is dramatic. The only time any of those elders wants my help or calls me on the phone is when one of their computers breaks and they want free help to fix it.
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  Reefton Jack

  These experiences are so close to mine that they could almost be identical.

  During my late twenties / early thirties, my career went ahead in leaps and bounds. Whereas, in the congregation, I used to feel like I must have been invisible! This even went to the extent of instances where I was the one who initiated a conversation within a group. Once the conversation started, though, I would be left totally out of it (particularly if Elders were included in the group).

  The only time this situation altered was when they needed work done on the wiring in the Kingdom Hall / Assembly Hall.(In those years, I was the only one in the circuit who held an Electricians Licence). Once that was concluded each time, the status quo was resumed - and I was "The Invisible Brother" once more.

  Still, what else can you expect:

  - when their sole gauge of a person's "spirituality" is the amount of time he/she spends peddling WTS products?
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  serendipity

  
  These kinds of discrepancies created doubts for my daughter years ago when she was very young. I mentioned to her that I was nervous about presentations I had to make at work. She asked the usual "why" questions. I told her I was trying to persuade my company's senior executives to grant us funding for a project, saving 50 jobs.

  Later at a TMS, she overheard some boys talking about how women weren't capable of speaking before an audience. She asked me if that were true and I reminded her of my job responsibilities. It didn't make sense to her that women would be silenced and deprived of opportunities to use their skills in the congregation.
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  JH

  In my case, I'm no good in both worlds....

  But I don't really care, my cat loves me...