Recently I have heard a few movie stars make the comment that entertainers should not look at their on-screen image as any sort of idea of who they really are. Trying to live up to a manufactured image for the screen is a huge mistake. I know what they are talking about
As a JW I tried to live up to that image. The last thing I wanted was to be accused of not giving a fine witness. It almost killed me to hide the abuse, the rejection, the neglect I got from my family and put on a good face for the world and show how wonderful JWs are.
It is exhausting trying to be something you are not. No one is perfect but the WTS expects JWs to conduct themselves at all times as if they were the image of perfection -- modest, business-like clothing, conservative hair and makeup, behavior always above reproach – always having to remember “What will the world think?”
JWs have to always conduct themselves in a way that “gives a fine witness”. This includes both adults and children and behaviors at work, in school, on the street, in fact anywhere that others might see you.
The outer image is always more important than inner image.
Michael Jackson might be an extreme example but I think it might be interesting to think about. As a young child MJ was on the stage, always in front of an audience. Not only did he have that pressure to be a great singer and later a great dancer but there was that added pressure of being a good JW. In the WT world where outer appearances are more important than who you are on the inside is it any wonder he has paid so much to change the outer image? He certainly doesn’t seem happy for it. How can a person discover who they really are if they have an image to uphold?
When I left the JWs I didn’t have a clue who I was. I knew I was good at doing some things. As an oldest child my role in the family was “care-taker”. I learned quite quickly my job was to help others and never ask for what I needed. It was really hard for me to let people know when I was having problems (I’ve been working on that one).
Over the last 21 years I have found out a lot about myself; some things I like and others I want to change. As a JW my way of change was to move the furniture around in the house. The girls would come home from school and could easily find their rooms rearranged or even switched. Or they could find me with my hair cut very short. Now I recognize the need for change that is inside and try to satisfy that need instead of getting my hair cut.
It’s been a long road of discovery; learning that the inside is more important than the outside. It’s not what I do that is the most important. How I act and what I do are simply reflections of who I am.
It sure is nice to be just me.