Flippin' birds do it...

by Nathan Natas 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  Nathan Natas

  
  In Metatron's excellent investigation of the newest GB self-inflicted podiatric wound, we were told about a pet bird... well, here's a quote from Bstndance:

  Growing up we had a pet bird that used to masterbate and my mom would try to stop him but he just kept doing it. Eventually she just gave up. She said, "he doesn't know right from wrong"

  Naturally, I'm curious. I've never heard of birds doing this.

  Of course the burning question is how - HOW do they do it? Not with his wing(s), i'd guess. Left foot? Right foot? Pretty funny picture, him standing there on one foot while the other works overtime, him whistling a cheerful melody all the while.

  Did he grow feathers on his palms?

  Did he go blind and become a bat?

  Then I have to ask if it ever occurred to dear old Mom that if the bird was relieved of a life in solitary confinement it might not be so obsessed? Was Mom against birdy procreation before Armageddon also?
• 

  the_classicist

  If this helps you at all, many primates masturbate.
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  blondie

  Let's Do It

  (Cole Porter)

  When the little bluebird
  Who has never said a word
  Starts to sing Spring
  When the little bluebell
  At the bottom of the dell
  Starts to ring Ding dong Ding dong
  When the little blue clerk
  In the middle of his work
  Starts a tune to the moon up above
  It is nature that is all
  Simply telling us to fall in love

  And that's why birds do it, bees do it
  Even educated fleas do it Let's do it, let's fall in love

  Cold Cape Cod clams, 'gainst their wish, do it
  Even lazy jellyfish do it Let's do it, let's fall in love

  I've heard that lizards and frogs do it
  Layin' on a rock
  They say that roosters do it
  With a doodle and cock

  Some Argentines, without means do it
  I hear even Boston beans do it
  Let's do it, let's fall in love

  When the little bluebird
  Who has never said a word
  starts to sing Spring spring spring
  When the little bluebell
  At the bottom of the dell
  Starts to ring Ding ding ding
  When the little blue clerk
  In the middle of his work
  Starts a tune

  The most refined lady bugs do it
  When a gentleman calls
  Moths in your rugs they do it
  What's the use of moth balls

  The chimpanzees in the zoos do it,
  Some courageous kangaroos do it Let's do it, let's fall in love

  I'm sure sometimes on the sly you do it Maybe even you and I might do it
  Let's do it, let's fall in love
• 

  cruzanheart

  him whistling a cheerful melody all the while

  Well, that explains the cheerful melody I hear coming down the chimney every morning! Cheeky mockingbird!

  Nina
• 

  Nathan Natas

  
  Yes, primates wank: it is what sets them apart from the rest of creation - in the image of god and all that. (I'm joking!)

  but

  Birds aren't primates.

  They aren't even mammals.

  If birds do it, it is not stretching the limits of reason to assume that at least some dinosaurs did it.

  This suggests that wanking is deeply rooted in the genetic code of terrestrial life.

  Which protozoans wank, and when they do, do they expel other protozoans?

  I can hear Nina's mockingbird rendering "Birds Do it, Bees do it." Blondie read my mind: proof positive of our psychic powers!
• 

  ballistic

  Depending on conditions, protozoa may divide 2 or 3 times every 24 hours.
• 

  OpenFireGlass

  Dogs Do it TOO!
• 

  Severus

  
  Jackingdaws aside, here's a case of canine pornea for you...

  I had a friend whose male rottweiler would seek out smaller passive male dogs. The Rott would then stand over the other male while thrusting his 'weiler' at the dog's mouth. This would happen on a regular basis.

  This is not a joke! I witnessed a gay dog soliciting oral sex. Have a JW explain that.