by slimboyfat 8 Replies latest jw friends
Mine are still alive, but my grandad who brought me up died in 2002. My aunt, who is a Jehovah's Witness, has not been the same since he died. I am sure she has depression - my dad also, who is not a Jehovah's Witness and can't even cling to the resurrection hope. My grandad was such a great big person that he has left a tremendous gap in the family.
Slim
All life experiences change us. Both of my parents are dead -- Mom last year and Dad three years ago -- and it's DIFFERENT. In some ways my life is better and more settled (Dad was really out of control the last few years of his life, and Mom had Alzheimer's which was tough to deal with) and in some ways I feel a hole where two people should be.
You grieve. It takes at least a year to pass all the milestones and memories. As the years go by, their loss becomes part of the fabric of your life and not as painful to think of.
Contrary to what the Witnesses say, death is indeed a natural progression of life and should be recognized as such.
Nina
Your aunt may want to explore grief counseling to help her with her loss. It really does help!
Nina
I lost my dad a few years ago, in 2001, and I still miss him badly. My mum has a good cry on the anniversary of his death, their wedding anniversary and at Christmas, she still missed him so much. I just wish he was still here to see me finally find happinesss outside the wts. Whatever I do, I will always miss him.
No, I don't think it will ever be the same, there is a part missing. That being said, you have to adjust and carry on (after proper grieving of course).
I lost my father over 4 years ago, and I still have times that I miss him desperately. Yesterday was one of those days (Fathers Day). I still have a cry over missing him from time to time, but I try and remember the good times we had and that the last few years of his life were not quality years and he had alot of health issues that were very difficult for him to deal with. I hope and pray that wherever he is now is a happy place and he's free of pain.
BB
No life is not the same. Your perspective changes greatly.
I was 14 when my Mom died. IT left a big whole in my heart, as I was very close to her. Years later about 35 years...if I see a movie about moms and daughers I still cry. She never met the good husband or knew my children.
I was 28 when my Dad died. I remember cleaning out his house with my sisters and feeling like I never had a childhood and felt like an orphan.
As growing up a JW we never learned to grieve properly...their idea was "get over it", you have the new system...hmmmmmm
I recommend grief counseling as well....
codeblue, I know exactly what you mean about feeling like an orphan. That's the way I felt when my dad died. My mother died when I was 3 and even though I have a wonderful step mother, I still felt alone on this earth. You are right, the "society" does not allow you to grieve properly. As soon as my fathers funeral was over, we were expected to just behave like nothing happened, all was fine and good. It's no wonder there are so many depressed JW's or JW's with so much sickness, they bottle up their feelings inside which is not healthy.
BB
My father died when I was 13. I think it is something you deal with better than you would think you would in your worst nightmare. I was terrified after that, that my mother would die as well. I do not really miss my father now as it was so long ago. I sometimes wonder if my difficult teenage years would have been easier with my dad rather than a difficult step father or if my subsequent life would have had more direction. Although sometimes I get reality checks when people tell stories of how their real parents treated them.
Thanks for the thoughtful replies.
I have a great mixture of feelings about my granda being gone. Sometimes I am glad I don't have to argue with him any more, because we used to have terrible arguments as we are both strong-willed people who like things done our way. He was also a very thoughtful person, and I really wish sometimes I had got to know him better. There was always a barrier between us because we mistrusted each other's intentions. But most of all I feel his loss for the others in my family who have been devastated by it. And there is nothing I can do to make it better - my dad and aunt have lost their dad and it seems they will never be the same.
My other aunt, who has a history of severe depression, also had a bad period after his death that she has not fully emerged from. She even tried to speak to my granda through a spirit medium - causing lots of tension with the Witness contingent in the family. But I just feel sorry for her as it was clearly motivated by desperation rather than demonism. She was also the only one in the family to ask to see the dead body - which also caused snidey remarks from Witness family members. I don't think such judgementalism helps in situations like this.
Slim
