Disclaimer: This anecdote was fwded to me via email. It originated from an unknown author.
All methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough I can figure it out.
YA THINK!!!
Cold wax my ass (Oh how this phrase haunts me!)
After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) .
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.
SHIT!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirling and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums???
SHIT! I peel my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair and then make the next big mistake. (Remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet.) I know I need to move to do something. So I put my foot down and then I hear the slamming of the cell door.
Ass?? Sealed shut.
She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax on the ass is "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH Right!! I could be the joke of some one else's night.
While we go through various solutions, I result in scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my dismay...The hair is still there...all of it. So I shaved the shit off. Hell, I'm numb at this point.
Then I put the wax back in the medicine cabinet, I may have a mustache that needs work someday..