coping after being df'd

JapanBoy

Hi:

I am a total newbie to this forum I was df'd in Feb 2005 and ever since then have had problems to varying degrees. I sometimes just can't notivate myself at work and feel empty and almost hollow. It's as if I've lost something that I will never somehow seem to regain. When I do see my soon-to-be ex-wife and my two kids [son and daughter 17 and 21] I just feel empty sad and lost. They try so hard to get me to go back home and do the right thing....and my wife says she wants me back all the time.

Two years ago I stopped going to meetings, something I did my whole live, because I hated being something I was not. Then I fell into an affair with a very nice woman who seems to truly love me.

Help what can I do?

K

LDH

Welcome JapanBoy.

Well out here in the real world we don't pretend like everything will be fine "one day in Paradise." Many have become disillusioned with the BORG (WBTS) and have suffered real and personal trauma from the resulting chaos.

Since you are new to the forum, my advice is to READ READ READ. Perhaps someone could post Lady Lee's "The Best Of" ?

Lisa

AudeSapere

Hi JapanBoy -

You are going to love this site!! It's a great place to learn how to live your life without control of other people and a publishing company.

One the front page of JWD you will find a heading for 'Best of'. There's tons of info in there.

Here's a link for 'Recovery': http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/32/76182/1.ashx

Enjoy your time here. I look forward to knowing more about you.

-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)

arwen

Wlcome to the Board. You will find encouragement and support here and make new friends as well. You can read the real life horror stories of others and see how they managed to not only survive but thrive. It is very difficult to get rid of all that baggage that we carry and the guilt that the org had put on us. We need to take the time to get to know ourselves and gain more confidence to be who we really are. I hope you find some help here. Sometimes just posting your problems and getting them out can be a real help in dealing with them. Take care

candidlynuts

They try so hard to get me to go back home and do the right thing....and my wife says she wants me back all the time.
Two years ago I stopped going to meetings, something I did my whole live, because I hated being something I was not. Then I fell into an affair with a very nice woman who seems to truly love me.

it sounds like some therapy would help you figure out what YOU want. you've hurt a lot of people by leaving your family.. including hurting yourself.its never easy.. yet you dont say you LOVE the woman your having an affair with... you just mention she seems to truly love you.

what do you want? your going thru a lot and you describe symptoms of depression. a skilled therapist really could help you sort your thoughts out and help you figure out what you want. also will help you forgive yourself and help you find motivation to move on.

our lives get so tangled up sometimes.. being a jw seems to add to the tangles.

welcome to the board. i hope your able to read some posts that really help you sort your thoughts out.

serendipity

HI Japan Boy and welcome!

In addition to what the others said, if you want to make your relationship with your ex work, you may consider taking her to a therapist with you. I wish you the best!

Quandry

Family is very precious. I feel that more and more each day as I realize I was in an organization that had no love for me or my family. I will fiercely fight for mine. I do not know how you feel about your ex, but I know that no matter how old your children are they need both parents.

It is interesting to note that your ex tells you that you are wanted back. Do you appreciate the feeling that you have a person who loves and cares about you? Some people spend a lifetime looking for someone to love them. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side until you notice the weeds and brown spots in the new grass. Anyway, some things to think about.

JapanBoy

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement. No I don't reall want to get back with my wife. She is a dyed in the wool JW and will not change. I even asked her would she leave the religion for me? after one full minutes silence her answer was 'I don't' know. My real problem is that I miss my two kids dearly [daugher 21 and son 17 both still at home living with my wife. I am living with another women who really seems to love me but I vacilate sometimes, kind of whistfully thinking back to the old times....of course my wife says 'it's when you left the truuuuuthhhhh, that's when it all started to go wrong.'

I am seeing a very good pchych right now who has help me very much, but as was said before just writing about these things is sometimes good for the soul.

Many Thanks K

coping after being df'd

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