by kgav8r 7 Replies latest jw friends
I suppose i should have labeled this as questions. Is it ever hard? Are you ever at odds with your spouse? I mean particularily at holidays or birthdays for those married to JWs. Do you ever feel bad that your spouse can't attend or does your spouse ever feel bad? Just some burning questions on my mind just in case i do marry my love and she does remain a JW. In general what is it like? Would you consider your relationship normal or strangely unique?
KG
Is it ever hard? YES! Today was not a banner day in our household.
Are you ever at odds with your spouse? YES! I'd say at least three times a week before and after meetings. That is when he has the burning need to appear more saintly.
I mean particularily at holidays or birthdays for those married to JWs. YES! Negotiating what will or not be permitted at Christmas starts in about July.
Do you ever feel bad that your spouse can't attend or does your spouse ever feel bad? YES! Most difficult for both of us is locating counsel that both of us trust. We're really on our own when we get stuck. But change that sentence. It's "your spouse won't attend". Everyone has free will. When I don't attend, there's a general clucking at the hall. If I don't appear for a month or more, there's anxious pressure for hubby to drag me along. The elders are constantly on the lookout for "progress." No progress, big ca-ca.
In general what is it like? Imagine a nosy in-law times ten. This in-law will be quizzing your partner on everything up to and including your sex life. Your partner will receive lots of sympathy for her sad situation, and your absence at meetings will be tsked over. Your partner will not be completely accepted by the biddies at the hall because of her compromised state. Since the WTBTS dictates every detail of behavior, expect to see shadows of their doctrines and rules in every decision the two of you make.
Would you consider your relationship normal or strangely unique? Definitely "strangely unique". I wouldn't have considered it except my children are grown and if this doesn't work my folly is my own.
I am married to a jw and holidays and birthdays are always very hard as i go it alone to family birthdays and holidays. I am like the loner because i am the only one married to a jw that celebrates nothing.
Hard you ask, it only gets harder as time goes by ,and i can't say my husband feels bad but feels he will go against his God if he would join in celebrating.
Your spouse is to be your soulmate but how can this be when a cult stops him from sharing happy celebrations and you are to go it alone .
My relationship is not strangly unique or normal, more like it is just there.
What is it like ? Well when you marry a jw you have just married the wt .
save yourself a lot pain and headaches.
The fact that she is considering to marry you, she is going against "marry in the Lord" counsel but keep in mind if your marriage is ever on the rocks she can easily justify separation or divorce since you are not a witness. she might feel she is carrying dead weight around.
can you handle the fact she goes to 5 meetings a week, study for the meetings,go out knocking on doors and much more.
You better think twice before you take such a heavy step
Ugh from both sides. While I was never married to someone who didn't share my beliefs on the surface, for several years my husband was just "going through the motions." Though I wasn't aware that he wasn't really a true believer, I did know that our so-called spiritual life was a constant struggle, sore point, and in general was very divisive.
It wasn't pleasant for him either because I was never satisfied that he was doing enough, and was constantly upset that he wasn't "taking the spiritual lead."
I would never marry someone who chose to remain a JW, since that is a huge area of her life that will be ruled by them, and it bleeds into every aspect of living, including your marriage. If she choses to embrace her JW faith and you do get married, you will always be regarded as her biggest mistake, and a dead body strapped to her back* by many in the congregation, and perhaps even secretly by her.
*"dead body strapped to the back" is a teaching of JWs that marrying an unbeliever is comparable to the Assyrian torture practice of tying a corpse to the back of a living prisoner, and letting the corpse rot the living person until they died too. This illustration was used quite often at meetings, conventions and in private conversation as I was growing up. I'm sure there are others here who could verify this heinous teaching.
***In general what is it like? Would you consider your relationship normal or strangely unique?***
I was a JW when my husband (nonJW) and I married. We were both very young and stupid. My going to meetings and his staying at home was a strain. In-law holiday celebrations were a strain. My husband's relationship with my JW family was a strain. Everything was a strain. The only way the marriage survived was because I left the JWs about 5 years after we married. I'm still married to him 30-odd years later. We were very, very, very lucky.
OHHH yea, I was in the org. for 27 lonely years , he decided to keep our son at home and I had our daughter with me, everything was a fight. If it was that GOD hates a divorce it would have happened a long time ago, what is the saying what is wrong with being married , is married to the wrong one!!!!! ooohhhh yea now that I am out it has been more peacefull. I love being free.
I can tell you from a child's point of view it sucked growing up in a divided household . Please think of how this union could effect your future children ! Kids in this type of household feel divided in loyalties to each parent . I always felt sad when we didn't celebrate my dad's birthday .Yet confusing still was when my mom would help us buy Dad a Christmas gift every year, and just give it to him a day before or after Christmas . We didn't fit in with the kids at the hall , never had other families over for dinner .Were not allowed to have close friends from school either . It made for a very sad childhood .Never feeling like you belong any where or with anyone .
