How things change so quickly . This time last year my family was unhappily attending the DC . This summer we are relaxing doing whatever we want . I wonder how different life will be for my youngest son compared to his brothers . The two oldest are still active JW's ( but at least with a bit more open mindedness than most ) Since we were still active when these two were making plans on leaving home we directed them to stay in the Religion they were raised .(something I am having a hard time dealing with ) Now that we are fading we are allowing our youngest to make his own decisions, and to follow his heart. He has a really sweet girlfriend right now , and some good friends .Some of his choices don't thrill me such as a tatoo and a piercing , But for the most part I think he has developed a good set of standards for himself . For the next few weeks he is going on tour with a band he has been helping out , doing tech and roadie work . My mother instincts cringe at this, however I know it is time for him to experience life for himself . A mother never stops worrying about her kids does she ? I worry about the ones that are JW , concerned they will wake up one day as unhappy as I was feeling they have wasted a good portion of their youth . I also worry about the other one that he not get to far into the music culture that is full of false hope and pitfalls . Kind of rambling today .
Being a parent and learning to let go
by troubled mind 7 Replies latest jw friends
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FlyingHighNow
I worry more about children now that they are grown than I ever did when they were kids.
You're right, you do have to let go. They have to live their own lives and they will live their own lives.
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Beachbender
ahhh the perils of *motherhood*! Mine`s only 15, I have to get over the "fear of him driving" before I face anything else yet!! But it is the grandest thing I`ve done yet in my life ( well one of them!)
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rekless
It's none of my business, (the proverbial But) have you thought about talking to the older boys and see what they are feeling. If they have doubts then weasel some more in. If they are happy leave them alone.
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troubled mind
Yes rekless I think about it everyday ! I thought they would maybe bring it up when they visited this summer . I also have thought about writing them letters saying something along the lines of : maybe you have been wondering why Dad and I are no longer Active .... The oldest is not real active , but does attend meetings. The other son is very active yet has asked me interesting questions in the past , like maybe he has researched internet material on his own . I do want to tread lightly because if they are happy I will accept their choices .
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under_believer
Mine are much younger. I had a tough time even sending them to school! I have no idea how hard it will be to send them off to drive, or raft on a river, or backpack with friends, or college (gasp! college...) Bad things happen every day. I keep telling myself that you just have to hope for the best and realize that any control over their lives, any protection you thought you gave them, was really an illusion anyways. Just relax and take each event as it comes. That's what I keep telling myself, anyways.
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troubled mind
Oh I remember those days when they were little, and having to send them off to school for the first time . I cried all the way back home each little bit of independance they gained it got better . Over time you realize they can survive because you prepared them well . When my oldest left home he moved across the country I thought I was never going to stop crying . Gradually I did and now I am so proud of him and how he did everything on his own . The second son moved out six months later . He only moved one state away thank goodness . He too has made a good start for himself and I am proud of him. So that pride takes away a bit of the feeling sorry for myself for missing their company. I will always worry about them though , it"s my JOB .
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serendipity
Well, I pretty much suck at letting go. My daughter works late tonight, and yes I'll be worrying if she gets home safely. I can imagine all sorts of awful things and make myself miserable with worry. I won't even reveal all the times I cried over the years while letting her have little bits of freedom. Yes I'm pathetic.