| A Dog's Diary 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite! A Cat's Diary Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving a round their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. I must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty I was. This is not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait. It's only a matter of time. |
pet diaries
by candidlynuts 7 Replies latest social humour
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candidlynuts
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ButtLight
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant.
Uh huh, I see! You darn snitch you! You have been spying on me and running your emu ass to the elders havent you!
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james_woods
Courtesy of cartoonist Gary Larson (the Far Side):
Cat to Dog (standing at pedestrian crossing waiting for the light) - "Go ahead and cross, it's green!"
Caption on cartoon - "God's cruel joke on dogs"
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SWALKER
Having had all three of the above mentioned at one time...it's all so true!!! Very funny!
Swalker
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candidlynuts
i thought this was hilarious.. i knew my old geriatric cat was plotting on me!
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juni
Funny Candi!
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mama1119
I hate cats. I really do