My promised whining thread...

by james_woods 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  james_woods

  I just got back from family court last Wednesday.

  My mother aged 81 (an ex JW by the way) has an advanced case of Altzheimers. She still knows us and can converse with you, but is becoming increasingly irrational because of the dementia inherent in this disease. She had been wandering off from her house and getting caught just walking down the street in 5:00 traffic several times in recent months. There was nothing left to do but put her into an assisted living facility.

  The horror of the situation was the bizarre relationship going on with my younger sister and my mom. Unknown to me, my sister had used this mental impairment of my mom to take over her life and get complete control of all her assets. She got mother to sign a durable power of attorney to herself and then transferred all of mother's CDs, annuities, etc. into her own name and was preparing to do the same with mother's house. She had also loaned herself large sums of money from mom's assets several times in the past and has a history of bankruptcy, something I had no idea of until we began to do the research for the court case.

  Fortunately, the court saw the situation for what it was worth, and honored my petition yesterday. A legal trustee (an independent investment banker) was appointed to manage the financials, and a court-appointed guardian has been granted the authority to make living and medical decisions as needed in the future. I did not ask to do these things myself because I wanted to avoid conflict with the sister as much as possible. As you can imagine, sister already has a lifetime supply of hate for James built up over losing control of the money. So, the action has thus far cost me personally about $10,000 but at least we were able to recover the bulk of the estate with the exception of around $50,000 which appears to have been "loaned" out with no real hope of eventual recovery.

  In short, I guess you could say that I won the court case.

  I hope you will forgive me, though, for saying that this whole thing sucks the big one.

  done bitching now,

  James

  PS - I am going to shortly open an automotive subject thread which will shock those of you who know me as a gearhead.
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  Forscher

  All the way around it looks to me like you did the right thing. Making sure control was in neither your nor your sister's hand at least puts you on the high ground. Sorry to hear you had to take such measures.
  Take care!
  Forscher
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  serendipity

  Sorry you have to go through this James, but glad you 'won'.

  I wonder if I'll face the same situation. My mother is 20 years younger, but is resistant to even discussing a living will or anything of that nature. She's feared old age and death all her adult life, but has done little to plan for it. It's frustrating. I hope everyone on the forum pays attention to these kinds of posts and will do what they can to address the situation sooner rather than later- with their parents, as well as making with their own children. We have to plan for the future rather than wait on a new system that's just around the corner.
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  luna2

  Glad you got things as straightened out as you can, James. Very sad about your sister being so underhanded.
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  parakeet

  Not "whining," James, but "warning." And I'll heed it. It seems in every family, there is always one mean and sneaky snake in the grass. I have a younger sister who has had it in for me since childhood (her reasons would make you laugh), but I know she wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing as your sister, given the chance. Forewarned is forearmed.
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  Quandry

  Go ahead and whine. You've been through a bad time. As much as we all need family, it's a shame your sister has chosen to do this to you, and to her mother. One day she'll need someone, and I'll bet she'll be calling on you for help.

  The good thing is, your mom will now be cared for properly. She is in a place where she will be watched over, so something awful will not happen to her. Hope this alleviates some of your worry.
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  Sailor Ripley

  Keep fighting the good fight, dude. Sounds like your mom is really counting on you.
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  james_woods

  Thanks to everyone - including Quandry, Luna2, Serendipity, Forscher, Sailor, and Parakeet. Hope I haven't missed anybody.

  Yes, aside from the whine - there is kind of a warning here, especially for people on the board who are not at this stage of life yet.

  This sister was ex-JW too, but joined up with one of those super-Charismatic Baptist Singing Praise church in the round things. I guess she missed the sunday services on conscience, if there ever was one.

  I may just have to give you a thread someday on what they did to my Father's funeral services four years ago.

  Thanks again, James
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  bikerchic

  James sorry about your Mom, but it warms the heart to know you are a good son and are doing right by her. It's good to know she's in a safe place and getting good care.

  Fortunately, the court saw the situation for what it was worth, and honored my petition yesterday. A legal trustee (an independent investment banker) was appointed to manage the financials, and a court-appointed guardian has been granted the authority to make living and medical decisions as needed in the future. I did not ask to do these things myself because I wanted to avoid conflict with the sister as much as possible.

  That was a very smart thing to do! Good luck and hang in there.